Friday, May 28, 2004

My Sandwich Saga

So the weird guy who sits across the hall from me all day told me about this fantastic sandwich some weeks back. He's a real douche of a guy sometimes but he's also a salty seadog. He quotes Quint from Jaws, a guy who I'm sure scarfed down a few mean sandwiches in his day. "Hooper drives the boat, chief, drives over to that floating sandwich emporium in the middle of Long Island Sound so's I can get me a Monte Cristo. Hoopah!" So anyway, seadog attorney has been boasting of this legendary sandwich for some time now. It's a warm brisket on a hero, topped with horseradish and cole slaw, a real celebration of jewish meats and the piquant condiments that often accompany them.

This sandwich has become my white whale. I proudly proclaimed last week that I was going to procure said sandwich with my own money, despite the fact that my employer Funberg provides me with lunch free of charge from any of a number of craptastic delis. Of course, I didn't wind up getting the sandwich cause I'm a cheap bastard and instead got a terrible "make-your-own-salad". So I asked seadog where the sandwich place is and he said he wouldn't tell me where it was because, as he put it, "I'm not man enough to eat a sandwich like that"...justifying this absurdity by asserting (as he does ad nauseum) that he raced on a catamoran or schooner or some vessel in a real competition. He also let me know that I couldn't handle the horseradish, saying something ridiculous about "horsepower" and "rpm's". I countered with a "Fuck you, I've eaten sandwiches bigger than you, seadog....bigger than you OR Dennis Connor."

Anyway, I'm getting this sandwich today, just to show seadog who's the real man around here, and, well, cause I'm hungover and really hungry, and with the holiday and all.... I just figured that everyone would want to know, especially busy body Ace over there with Throbbs. So, wait, with baited breath, until noon, cause then I'm going to get this bastard, and take it down. I plan on breathing horseradish all over this bitch and giving you the details. Tune in...

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