Thursday, June 03, 2004


Ahhhhh, my friends. Today I've reached the quarter turn towards the back straightaway. The big 2-5. A quarter century of Fiedler. Being the retrospective type, I thought you might like to take a stroll with me back to June 3, 1979, the dawn of what is now commonly known as...

The Fiedler Era

1. June 3, 1979 (Summit, NJ) - A Don is born, creating a worldwide hysteria, severe stock market fluctuations and a near-Doomsday nuclear scare.
2. June 3, 1979 (Washington, DC) - With pandemonium breaking out the world over, President Carter goes jogging on the stairs from 5:36 to 5:53. No wonder he wasn't re-elected.
3. June 3, 1979 (Arlington, TX) - Underwear hawker and all-around pompous ass Jim Palmer takes the loss as the Orioles fall to Texas 4-2.
4. June 3, 1979 (Kampala, Uganda) - Slack LaLane's Lunatic Dictator of the Year for 1979, Idi Amin of Uganda, flees his homeland for an extended vacation on the shores of the Mediterranean in Libya, presumably to tutor Africa's next nutso megalomaniac, young Muammar Khadafi.
5. June 3, 1979 (Gulf of Mexico) - Let's go down to Keith Jackson. "Well, Don, I'm down here inspecting oil rigs in the Gulf of...Uh oh. Oh no! The Ixtoc I oil rig has just exploded and, oh look at the oil 3 million barrels of it flowing into the Gulf waters in what is thought to be the largest oil spill to date. I'm thinking of the fish and sea fowl and they don't stand a chance. They are coated in oil and...and...they're gone. Oh my. Back to you Don." Thanks Keith.
6. June 3, 1979 (New Rochelle, NY) - Ray Knight's status as the second best athlete in the Knight-Lopez household and all-around wuss is confirmed as Nancy Lopez comes from behind to win the LPGA Golden Lights Championship.
7. June 3, 1979 (Ottawa, Ontario) - Canada is fatherless today as Pierre "Big Pete" Trudeau leaves office and the evil minions of the Conservative Party take the reigns. Never fear Canada, Papa Trudes will be back in 8 short months after launching a violent revolutionary coup against Conservative Party headquarters. Trudeau's bloody vice-grip on Canada will last another 4 years.

So all in all, it was probably the most pivotal day in the history of mankind.

25 years, man. That's nothing to shake a stick at. Look at all the people who didn't make it that far: Ryan White, Aaliyah, Urkel. It's been a tough road, some ups and downs and radiator burns. But I've made it and I thank no one but myself. Happy Fiedler Day all!


At 11:47 AM, Blogger DerelictSister said...

River Phoenix made it to 25. And that was a pretty cheap shot at the poor Hemophiliac gone AIDS patient, don't you think, you dick?


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