Thursday, June 24, 2004

Handle Your Hose Properly, Please

MEMORANDA

To: Other men in my office
From: The Ace Cowboy
Re: Floor Urine

Folks on the 5th floor of my office, can we please stop urinating all over the bathroom floor by the urinal? I mean, you're working for one of the bigger media companies in the world, in one of the most expensive, brand-new buildings in the country. Don't ya think it's time to stop pissing willy nilly all over the floor? You know, to add a little class and civility to the office? No?

I honestly do not remember a day since we moved up here when the floor wasn't just covered in urine. Fuckin' Ted Kennedy can drive some chick into our bathroom and she'd drown in all this urine, that's how bad it is. Is it really that difficult to control, guys? In the two months we've been here, I think I've pissed on the floor only about, like, six or eight times. Nahhh, that's just a yoke, it's only like two, or five.

So to sum up, this brand-new bathroom smells like piss at all times, and sometimes I don't care much for standing in some dude's yellow puddles. Sometimes I do, but I willingly pay extra for a treat like that. Listen, golden showers are a necessary part of life, but golden floors in your office bathroom, not so much. Let's work on this together, I know we can do it. Handle the hose, fellers, handle the hose.

Urine Police, Out from Alcatraz.

4 Comments:

At 12:53 PM, Blogger Seyeko said...

Just be thankful it isn't any other bodily fluid you have to wade through.

You might find yourself in a, uhm... sticky situation.

hehe. I'm so funny.

 
At 1:56 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lady, you're scaring us

 
At 2:23 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

Nothing to do with urine. But, said boss in gifts post has new blog. http://bitterbridget.blogspot.com

 
At 4:13 PM, Blogger Army Archerd said...

Can someone also please explain the "pubic hair phenomenon." Why are there always a couple stray pubic hairs on the urinal? Are people trying to mark their territory?

 

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