Tuesday, June 08, 2004

Jack and Jill

I'm not proud of it, but, yes, I'm going to a Jack and Jill shower this weekend for a couple I hardly know. Thanks Irene. Apparently, the blushing bride, incapable of settling for a tasteful engagement party (to which I was dragged), a bachelorette party on a remote island, her own goddamn shower, and the fucking wedding itself, couldn't get enough of making people sacrifice weekends to celebrate something that people can do with a blood test and a stamp from city hall: GET MARRIED.

Personally, I'm not getting the happy couple a goddamn thing. In fact, it is I that deserves the gift. Do you realize how uncomfortable I've been over the last few days, explaining my upcoming weekend? "Um...no, I can't go to the Yankees game this weekend because I've got to go to a {puke launches into mouth only to be forced back down} Jack and Jill shower." That's awful. I'd rather get an invitation to my own briss. It wouldn't even be that bad if it had a different name, like "Joint Shower" or "Duo Shower." But Jack and Jill? Everytime I use the term a small piece of my masculinity disappears into the ether. By Friday, Richard Simmons will be able to kick my ass.

Anyway, this weekend, when you're playing frisbee in the park, drinking on a rooftop, sleeping late, having a really late lunch, or just doing nothing, think of me, celebrating the institution of marriage at the {vomit rising, gag, receding} Jack and Jill shower.

In other news, I just got 2 new things:

1. A Franz Ferdinand CD (self-titled) which I heard in a bar and decided to order and I really like it (This would be my musical recommendation to Muldoon)
2. Network (the movie) on DVD, probably the smartest movie I've ever seen, way smarter than this goddamn {puke rising, masculinity eschewing} Jack and Jill shower idea

5 Comments:

At 3:10 PM, Blogger abby said...

More horrible than pantyhose, peeling potatoes, and earning less than a man at the same profession, bridal showers are THE worst thing about being a woman. It's about time men had to endure them. You want a comment? Here's my comment: Quit your bitchin.

 
At 5:42 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

You're right about that Franz Ferdinand CD, Don. Excellent stuff. If you recall, I recommended it to you during that Ray Jones Jr. fight (not to pat myself on the back or anything).

 
At 8:27 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Ray Jones Jr.? Sounds more like the guy who sang "Ghostbusters" than the past decade's best pound-for-pound boxer. Roy Parker Jr. rocks.

 
At 5:53 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

thanks for pointing out my typo, dick.

 
At 11:17 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Settle down now!

 

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