Tuesday, June 29, 2004

Red Sox Weren't the Only Dicks at Yankee Stadium Tonight

I've had limited opportunity of late to charm the pants of some of you fuckers, as work has just been craisins. There have been times over the past five or so workdays where I've felt like doing the Jesse Spano "There's never any time/I'm so excited" Caffeine pills routine...my self-control in that regard has been impeccable. But now that my home computer has risen from the ashes and I can post from home again, daddy's here with a little hot soup for ya. I don't even know what that means.

I spent my evening watching the Yank'ums jump all over the Red Sawx, capitalizing often on poor Boston defense to notch an 11-3 victory. Big win. But the real story of this game was the attendance of Vice President Dick Cheney. The VP sat smugly between Rudy "I Can Stab a Pregnant Woman in the Stomach With a Rusty Shiv and You'd All Still Love Me" Giuliani and Gov. George "I Was That Guy to the Left of Rudy at Those Press Conferences, No, To the Left, They Fuckin' Cropped Me Out of All the Pictures and I Get Nuthin" Pataki. Giuliani, who on Sunday night declared to an ESPN audience that he never leaves a game before the last out is recorded, promptly left when the VP took off in the 7th inning. Understandable I guess, but still, someone's gotta be the watchdog for the these things.

During the game, CBS repeatedly referred to and showed highlights of Cheney visiting the Yanks' pre-game lockerroom, where the vice president had this exchange with the team's new third baseman...

Cheney: You play well.
A-Rod: Thanks, Dick.
Cheney: Please, call me Chen-Daddy. I especially like your contract negotiation skills, Alex.
A-Rod: Yeah, we did a great job getting all that money.
Cheney: You did okay, coulda been better. I mean, you did a great job of over-charging some desperate schlub for your services, and I liked how you circumvented certain traditional bidding procedures. But where are the kickbacks? And why publicize the entire amount of the deal when you can keep certain clauses secret? You're gonna have to work on that if you ever want to make it in the private sector.

Then Willie Randolph gave Cheney an old school baseball "hotfoot" while Donnie Baseball rat-tailed his plump ass. Joe Torre then picked his nose repeatedly before sitting down with no expression on his face. Gotta love lockerroom hijinx...

8 Comments:

At 8:47 AM, Blogger Sox1918 said...

After that hot foot...Cheney is going to have to do "The Turtle" at the dance contest at the Max tonight.

 
At 11:42 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Other dicks at Yankee stadium include the big boys up top who decided to charge $7 for a bud light.

 
At 11:54 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I just walked past our front desk where the receptionist was telling our office manager (both obese and utterly despicable women), "I went to the dentist yesterday and he gave me some nitrous; man that stuff is great!" Gotta love it.

 
At 1:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The biggest dicks in the park were Kitty and Kay last night. They made no sense througout the evening. Didn't point out that Cairo caused Nomar's second error. Barely mentioned in passing that Pokey's failure to turn 2 led to the backbreaking Clark BlackSeat shot. Can we kill them?

 
At 1:45 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Yeah, that was me, posting above. I don't know why it went anonymous on me. I blame Kay.

 
At 1:52 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I don't appreciate your ruse, Fiedler, your cunning attempt to trick me. I saw right through it like when I cover my genitals in Saran Wrap. Waaaait, I take that back.

 
At 1:57 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

So it was u ace, who took my saran wrap, damn u!

oh, another point about the game last night, what kind of country are we where a beautiful 23 year old female teacher cant go out and get her bang on with a 14 year old student of hers??

--The Heck

 
At 3:17 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Seemed like normal behavior to me...If this kid lasted more than 15 seconds though, he's my personal hero. Ah screw it, he's my hero anyway.

 

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