Wednesday, June 30, 2004

Wanted: One Kick-Ass Apartment

I'm apartment hunting right now. Looking for that sweet 1 Bedroom in the West Village or, if not, maybe in lower Chelsea. I'm not interested in anything above, say, 18th Street. I need access to the A,C,E or 1,9 or B,D or the Southbound Gowanus. I don't want a studio. I'd prefer a doorman so that my beloved will be safe...preferably a doorman with a blackbelt in something other than the incredibly lame Brazilian martial arts dance Capoehra. I really don't want a 5th Floor walk-up...I prefer something with a pulley. I don't want to pay a broker's fee. I'm going to cap this out at $2000 a month, a sum that in the real world would buy me at least a suburban-style colonial with an in ground pool in places like Waukegen or Zanesville or Topeka, places where my daughters would wear ribbons in their hair to the Friday night homecoming bonfire while I sat home watching Hannity & Colmes on FoxNews...and rooted for Hannity. And I want to start living there August 1, 2004.

So come find me, Mr. Apartment. I'm waiting to live in your sweet, sweet innards. Just make me an offer.

I hate apartment hunting. I hate smarmy brokers that use words like "sweet" to describe a closet. I hate misleading posts on Craigslist. I hate having to use the word "Craigslist". So please, come find me.

P.S.--When you clue me in on a great, no-hassle apartment, could you also throw in a password to get me back onto Insider. I gotta get my Crasnick/Neyer/Dork Ford fix. (Why can't just sell more ad-space and leave Insider free? Damn you ESPN. Damn you and your sportsopoly!)


At 3:15 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

ESPN Insider:


As for the're on your own.


At 3:20 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

i'm no homo, but i do believe this is one of those rare occasions where its justifiable to give another man head, thank u mulgrew, thank u more than u will ever know.

--Your friendly neighborhood heckler

At 3:20 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

The guy comes through big time...hey, isn't that guy an Internet quasi-celebrity. Dude, half of the Ace's friends want to go down on you, Mulgrew -- sadly, they're all guys. Well, you decide, let me know.

That's a tougher ESPN user/pass to remember than whip/whip though. There must have been at least a quarter million Americans cracking that whip.

At 3:27 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

ace 3:20 chemistry my brothah i jsut booked the temple for march 20th for our wedding...i assume you're a hook nosed jew bastahd right

oh, and ace, mulgrews site owns yours, no disrespect donnie, u're still cool

At 4:06 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

I'd like to personally thank Muldoon for being the greatest man ever. When I'm pounding Rob Neyer's Insider tonight, I'll really be thinking of you...and your Insider.

At 4:39 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

I just like to make people happy, whether it's giving them my Insider password, orally, digitally - whatever.


At 5:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Moving in with your girlfriend and you're already talking daughters? Why don't you slow down there Mr. Domestic.

At 8:31 PM, Blogger Seyeko said...

On a side note, I need a roommate stat. Or a cardboard box to rent. Whichever comes first.

I gotta get out of the 'burbs. It's killing me.

If anyone's looking for an extra body that has $ to burn, hit me up folks.

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