Monday, June 07, 2004

Yo, I'm Cuban, B

Every major and mid-major news outlet on the World Wide Web (CNN.com, FoxNews.com, NYTimes.com, etc.) is carrying the same AP wire story right now. And they all start like this:

Cuba harshly criticized former President Ronald Reagan and his policies on Monday, saying he should "never have been born." In the first reaction to Reagan's death from the communist government, Radio Reloj said:

"As forgetful and irresponsible as he was, he forgot to take his worst works to the grave," the government radio station said. "He, who never should have been born, has died," the radio said.


I hope you'll join me in finding that statement funny on many levels. But before that laughter begins, first join me in admiring the fact that the entire country of Cuba managed to criticize the former president in one radio address. That's Craisins. No matter how poor and how malnourished, Cubans today stood together as one nation and spoke harshly of a man they probably couldn't pick out of a lineup. Never mind if maybe one or two Joses and a handful of Marias dissented...as a whole, as a people, Cuba believes that Reagan should never have been born. Communism rocks me like a hurricano.

I'd like to take this time to apologize to the Cuban community. See, I embrace what some people refer to as "casual racism." Casual racism makes the world go 'round...we'll have more on this topic in depth at a later time and date. For now, let's just come together as the Cubans did and proclaim something as one, so that all the news outlets in France or England run an article that reads: "The United States of America announced an undying love for Mary-Louise Parker on Monday, saying the talented seductress can 'come over here and bang us silly.'"

What the fuck am I talking about at this point? I should just cut my losses and shut this thing off. OK, one more thing, then I'll go...Reagan's obituary for many news outlets was most likely written in the late 90's. To me it would be a great story if for the second time this year, a famous person outlived his obit writer (which happened in the case of Bob Hope and New York Times' obit guy Vincent Canby). Life, and death I guess, can be funny like that. Cuba thinks so too, they told me.

5 Comments:

At 12:28 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

Yes, cuban B

much props for the funniest line of half baked, more than made up for your babbling

 
At 12:28 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

Yes, cuban B

much props for the funniest line of half baked, more than made up for your babbling

 
At 10:19 AM, Blogger ethan said...

i'd have to say that

"abba zabba, you're my only friend."

is the best line of half baked.

 
At 4:09 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

no "yes...cuban b" is for sure the best line

 
At 1:44 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'm also picking, "Yes, Cuban B" as the best line. Just look at CWIII's face when he says it. Classic

 

Post a Comment

<< Home