Thursday, July 08, 2004

Back from the Dead

Hi everybody! Where the crap have I been? Well, I've been moping all over the west side of Manhattan, trying to find an apartment. I actually put down a deposit on an apartment on LE-roy St. in the West Village. It was sweet. It was mine. And then it wasn't. The owner is giving it to his granddaughter. This is now the 2nd apartment I've lost after having put down a deposit in the last 2 years to an owner's granddaughter...rich little bitch. Reminds me of legendary Seinfeld: "You see, you know how to take the reservation, you just don't know how to hold the reservation. And that's really the most important part of the reservation: the holding. Anybody can just take them."

When I was told of this occurance, the broker prefaced it with, "I've got some good news and I've got some bad news." The bad news was that MY apartment on LE-roy (letters addressed to me would have the name LEROY on it...how fuckin' cool is that!? That's better than Great Jones) was now gone. I didn't quite catch the good news, probably because I started screaming "Fuck, Fuck, Fuck" into the phone. I've since come to realize that her "good news" is that I'm back at square one, looking at dozens of crappy walk-ups while suffering from massive crotch rot. It kinda looks like I'm menstruating down there. (too much?) Plus now I've got to continue my steady diet of bullshit as evil, hideous brokers chew my ear off about decent light and "you won't find anything better than this." I hate them.

But enough grovelling and more ouzo, for the Greeks have captured European soccer's biggest title: Euro 2004. This was a shocking upset of epic proportions (think Rutgers: 2005 Orange Bowl Champions) and I shudder to think of the sheer amount of chewed up souvlaki that was vomitted forth from millions of Greeks around the world after what must have been one hell of a celebration. Those (insert name here)-opolouses must have been going nuts. So Greece has now won Euro 2004...can they win Gyro 2004? I'm not a betting man, but I'd lay a spinning spit of sweating lamb meat that they will.

By the way, if you were going to open a Greek restaurant, what catchy, "play on words" name would you give it. In Evanston, there's the delicious Cross-rhodes. A very clever pun. Personally, I would prefer Pita Frampton or Tzadziki Barber or maybe mid-90s U. of Arizona's Desert Shawarma Defense. Can anyone top that?

Anyway, the posts are going to be sporatic because:

(1) Me no worky!
(2) I'm hunting for my next great apartment (with Cheney and Scalia)
(3) Crotch Rot (see above)

10 Comments:

At 10:50 PM, Blogger Wooglin said...

Yep, too much.

 
At 9:50 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

As longtime Slack friend Mitchell Verger Dartz III said after the Euro Cup, the Jesse and the Catsopolous family must be smiling. As he correctly picked up on, Full House humor is never not funny.

Ever since I had a falling out witht he owners of Pita Frampton, I get all my Greek food from Pita, Paul and Mary. When I'm not in the mood for the food at Primodial Ouzo.

 
At 10:15 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Gyro Trash!

 
At 10:32 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Using Pita as another Peter does not consitute an original name, I request a formal rescinding of Pita, Paul and Mary

 
At 10:39 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Spic and Spanakopita

 
At 10:45 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Pita Gabriel. I love progressive rock! I refuse to formally rescind... maybe informally, if you ask nicely.

 
At 10:46 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

To the Anon. poster from 10:32 -- Pita, Paul and Mary is more than acceptable, as it was one of the originals that started this conversational topic back in the spring of 2000. I understand your point, but it's not as unoriginal as you may believe. Plus, I disagree with your stance on Pita/Peter. The more the merrier. If you were to say Pita Griffin, I'd happily lap it up and not question your choice. In other words, F off.

And to all these anonymous posters -- get a friggin' user name, how hard can that truly be? Two different people who make their living working with computers have bitched to me about it being difficult to sign up. C'mon, yer better than that.

 
At 11:00 AM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Oh yeah, I forgot:

Czecho-souvlaki-a

or

Feta Compli

 
At 11:01 AM, Blogger Seyeko said...

Pita Brady, Pita Fonda, Pita Pita Pumpkin Eater...

 
At 1:39 PM, Blogger Bart Starbux said...

Jessie Spanakopita

 

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