Tuesday, July 13, 2004

Chris Berman...Jerk

Could someone please do away with Chris Berman? I just watched a replay of the Home Run Derby and really, let's get rid of this bastard. I either wanted to see him get out there and take hacks in the derby thereby revealing him as a physically inept geekus or make him the only person out there shagging the non-home runs in the outfield. Would it not be great to see this fatman loping around out there in the outfield, cowering with eyes closed and glove held out extended under sky high pop ups. Can of corn? Meet tub of shit. This weasel has somehow conned ESPN in the last 5 years into believing that he is the be-all, end-all of sports announcing. How does this guy, who knows nothing of hockey, wind up doing the pre-game show for the Stanley Cup finals? His schtick is tired. The nicknames were great in 1984. End it. You know how Ahmad Rashad set sports journalism back in the mid-90s for being caught fallating Michael Jordan? Well, Berman showed him how...on Joe Montana.

In any event, the apartment-athalon continues...though things may be winding down. I may be moving in down the street from my favorite OB-GYN, Dr. Heathcliff Huxtable, in Brooklyn Heights. What can I say? Starbucks is like my personal Blaine Faban, leading the way across the salt wataaaa. Things get a little hot under the collar on the island, move out to the sticks.

Early over/under on John McEnroe's new show? 2 episodes. This can't possibly be good right? Although McEnroe did utter my second-favorite tennis-related line (the first being Seles' huh-UH). Playing a Czech national in a tourney in Europe, McEnroe charged the net and was hit with a return smash. McEnroe jumped over the net, got in the Czech's face and said, "I'll kill you if you ever hit me again you fucking Communist asshole!" If that doesn't symbolize the Red Dawn, Screw You Gorby America of the 80s, then I don't know what does...except for a rubberband-less faced Captain Lou Albano playing Lauper's dad in that video. Or wait, did he play Danny Aiello's dad?


At 5:53 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Fiedler doing his best Abe Vigoda impersonation....just when you think he's dead, he pops back into circulation. Maybe he's more like a $2 bill than Abe Vigoda then. Certainly, he's as queer at the $3 bill.

At 8:39 PM, Blogger Bart Starbux said...

So upon moving to the outers, will you consider yourself bi-coastal?


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