Tuesday, July 27, 2004

Dishes are Done, Man

Here's the story of the day, by far

The Las Vegas Review-Journal reported that Red Wings defenseman Chris Chelios was kicked out of a popular restaurant Saturday.

The paper said Chelios was escorted out of FIX after a plate-smashing binge while dining with Hollywood producer Jerry Bruckheimer, tennis star Jennifer Capriati, actors Cuba Gooding Jr. and Alan Thicke and NHL players Sergei Fedorov, Luc Robitaille and Marty McSorley.

A FIX publicist said Chelios "explained to management that it was OK because he was Greek, but it didn't fly." Chelios was referring to a Greek tradition of plate breaking. After cooler heads prevailed, Chelios was allowed to rejoin his pals, who were in town for Bruckheimer's annual Bad Boys of Hockey weekend outing.
Wait, let me get this straight...Jerry Bruckheimer hosts a "Bad Boys of Hockey" weekend outing? That's pretty funny hilarious in itself, but check out Bruckheimer's dinner guests. What in the wide world of sports are Cuba Gooding Jr. and Alan Thicke doing at this thing? Did I miss something, did Jennifer Capriati ever crack a hockey stick over the head of Donald Brashear or drive Steve Moore's head into the ice? Come to think of it, what the fuck are Luc Robitaille and Sergei Federov doing at this table? Robitaille, that fuckin' pussy, averaged about 50 penalty minutes a season over his long career - hardly a bad boy. Capriati's got more balls than Federov and Robitaille combined.

Besides Chelios, Marty McSorley's the only guy with any bad boy street cred at this table. Although, I'd love to see honorable father Jason Seaver take a swing at Rod Tidwell. There are hockey bad boys and then there are fuckin' pussies -- Joey Kocur, Tie Domi, Darcy Tucker, Sandy McCarthy, Bob Probert, these are hockey bad boys.

And while hockey's not really an official sport anymore, it still is the most fun to watch when it counts. I'm a baseball freak (I'm more in love with baseball than any human on Earth), I love football and I grew up playing and watching hockey. Playoff baseball and football are amazing, but I still consider the 1993-94 New York Rangers Stanley Cup run the best two months I've ever had in my life. Too bad that's all behind us and the sport is Roberto Garbaggio.

As an aside, here's my all-time consonant blend hockey team:

D Kjell Samuelsson
D Per Djoos (what's better, the 'dj' blend or the fact that his name is pronounced Pear Juice?)
F Keith Tkachuk
F Juha Ylnoen
F Shjon Podein (a clever combo of Shaun and Jon)
Coach Robbie Ftorek


At 8:14 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Good use of "street cred"...i try to use that on a daily basis, but it just doesn't seem to work out. In total agreement on Jason Seaver...but, honestly that picture is priceless. Who knew he still had a blazing career!

At 8:09 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Alan Thicke is a genius.

At 12:27 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

very much so. and look at maggie seaver - on to a "lifetime" of lifetime movies.


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