Thursday, July 15, 2004

Light A Match

Whitman, Seinfeld, Jordan, Woody, Spike, Biggie, Huxtable...Fiedler? The Don is taking up the stakes and moving to Brooklyn, the Heights to be exact. It's the long-awaited move in with Irene, years in the making.

So now I got Irene as a partner. Any problems? I can go to Reenie. Trouble with the heat? I can go to Reenie. Trouble with the rent? I can go to Reenie. Internet virus while downloading porn? I can go to Reenie.

But now I gotta pay Reenie attention all the time. Tough day at law school? Fuck you, look at me. Hungover after drinking bottle of Jack? Fuck you, look at me. Any kind of sporting event is on? Fuck you, look at me.

And now, Reenie can do anything, especially send me out on degrading errands. Why not? I'm gonna pay for it anyway. As soon as the tampons come in the front door, she sends me back out for pH-balanced just for her deoderant. She can get a 5-liter bottle of Herbal Essences shampoo and never use it. Doesn't matter. I'm paying for it anyway!

And finally, when there's nothing left, when I got no more money and I'm spending all my time at the library, you bust this relationship out, you buy a ring.

...or just meet me at Magnetic Field for 15 rounds of SilverStrike Bowling.


At 11:12 AM, Blogger Bart Starbux said...

Beautiful. I got a little teary. You probably will too when Reenie reads this today. She'll walk up to you at book club tonight, and you'll say, "Whassa matter fucko, you want some?" At which point, she'll procede to pistol whip the bejeesus out of you while the rest of us stand around with brewskies saying lame shit like "Take it easy," and "Don't shoot!"

At 11:52 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I hope the cops find something bad at your new apartment, leading to a heated "Reeeniiiie, they nevah woulda found it."

At 1:32 PM, Blogger abby said...

A nice little ditty about Don and Irene...


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