Friday, July 30, 2004

Thumbs Up for Balloons

Mikey da Roommate had the excellent foreskin, er, um, foresight to TiVo the Kerry acceptance speech, so that when I got home after it was over I could catch up with Sweaty Lurch and company...

First of all, I only watched the second half of Kerry's speech, but I was fairly impressed. He seemed energetic and lively, so much so that his face was glistening with sweat, his chin covered in drool. He gave a pretty rousing speech, much more so than any other speech he's given on the stump so far this year. It's like Nigel Tufnel turned him up to 11 for this occasion only. Look, this guy might not be the best candidate out there, and he might be a career politician who has taken both sides of every issue (the only truth Bush hath ever told whilst in office), but just stand him next to our current president and tell me you're going to re-elect this fucker. Just listen to them speak, listen to them articulate their ideas...tell me that you want to pull that trigger on sending this guy back to Washington for four more years. OK, I'm preaching to the choir I'm sure. Onto the balloons mishap...

So Kerry finishes the speech of his life, right, and instead of instant political analysis from the supposed "Most Trusted Name in News," CNN decides to patch the convention's director into an open microphone for a check on the fucking balloons -- the next five minutes can only be described as surreal. Directorman wanted the thousands of balloons to drop from the ceiling, but nothing was happening. "Go balloons, go balloons!" was repeatedly heard. Yet only a handful were falling, and the director began to lose his temper. I cannot do what followed justice, so just click on this link and read the text, or play the mp3 audio. Actually, yes, play the mp3 audio. Then Wolf Blitzer and company half-heartedly apologized and continued to discuss the balloon situation. CNN, C-N-fuckin'-N, decided not to comment on the biggest speech of the last four years, and all they're talking about is balloons. Unless those puppers are filled with nitrous oxide, do yourself a favor and go Cheney yourself, Wolf.

But the highlight of the convention for me was finding out that John Edwards was all about the thumbs up. I love the thumbs up, I love it. I love it, I love it, I love it I love it I love it (Blueberry Johnson, 1996). I'm a thumbs up guy, if I see ya and I'm feelin' it, I'll fuckin' throw you the thumbs up like you wouldn't believe. But I'm more of a last note of A Day in the Life thumbs up guy, I'll throw it out there and leave it up like a good three-point shooter. Edwards, on the other hand, is a rapid fire guy, and usually he's a double-fisted, long wingspan kind of thumbs up guy. I watched him last night give five straight rapid fire thumbs ups, one right after the next, with force and vitality, five straight cocked fists with the thumb pointed straight up like Bob Dole on Viagra. Wait, what?

Anyway, I must caution everyone's favorite boytoy VP candidate -- I've seen this happen before. If this guy throws too many thumbs up out in too short a window, he could land himself straight on the 60-day disabled list. And with less than 100 days until the November election, the Democratic ticket can't afford that at this time. Gotta conserve some of those puppers until October when it counts. Otherwise, a trip to Dr. James Andrews and rotator cuff surgery is just a heartbeat away, John.

Go balloons.

9 Comments:

At 11:35 AM, Blogger Seyeko said...

Im more of a thumbsup/pointer finger "gun shot"/wink kinda guy rather than a simple thumbs upper. And yes, I do have to make the "click" sound everytime I do this gesture. It just comes au natural.

Okay, I dont think that mad any sense. Well, it did to me and thats really all that counts...

 
At 11:51 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

See the fingerpoint and gunshot seem a little arrogant for my taste (ironic considering I'm an arrogrant sonuvabitch). The thumbs up is comforting, it says to the recipient, "Hey, I see ya there and I likes what I sees, keep on doin' what yer doin'" And if I'm not feeling a thumbs up, then I'll just give ya the finger and tell you to go make sweet love to yourself...

 
At 1:46 PM, Blogger misterlister said...

Great "The State" reference, Ace. I've definitely used that line several times before, only to be confronted with blank, mocking stares about a sketch comedy show from MTV. And now we've got Reno 911. Is this show post-worthy?

 
At 1:55 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Reno 911 is hilarious, but it's not necessarily post-worthy. Maybe I'll interview the show's creators ala Elaine and the sponges, and if they pass, then I'll do a post.

The State deserves it's own post though, I should probably do that sooner rather than later. I've often referred to Mr. Show as the funniest sketch comedy show ever on television, but it's probably The State. The State was funnier, ran longer and created such cast spin-offs as Reno 911 and Wet Hot American Summer. The guys from Mr. Show take bad role after bad role, ultimately ending with Bob Oedekirk doing these slightly awful Miller Lite mershes.

Remind me to do a post about The State -- let's get a support group together. Actually, I just found out they are currently working on a DVD, so that's something to look forward to.

 
At 2:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wet Hot American Summer is the one of the greatest movies of all time. There is no better scene than the counselors going on their day trip.

 
At 2:58 PM, Blogger Seyeko said...

Yep, nothing like spending your day off tripping around the streets of Honesdale, PA. I wonder what that might be like...

I actually found WHAS to not even be moderately funny. Its one of those movies that tries way too hard and never really delivers a decent punchline. I think I just rented it to see Ms. Garafolo's comedic geniusness. Yea, that's it.

 
At 3:01 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Seyeko, you're a good guy, but you're INSANE. I will never trust a person's opinion who doesn't find that movie funny, especially someone who loves summer camp as much as you. No excuse for not liking this flick.

Wet Hot is an instant classic, and anyone who doesn't like it is a douchebag. But then again, a douchebag is a hygenic product you should take that as a compliment.

 
At 3:33 PM, Blogger Seyeko said...

One crazy late August afternoon, I went on a summer camp renting spree and finally got around to seeing "Indian Summer", "WHAS", "Camp Nowhere" (for the 11th time ) and of course the classic, "Debbie Does Wayne County".

I think I could possibly have been in summer camp overload by the time I watched "WHAS". It just didn't deliver the "punch" that I wanted, but then again, neither did Indian Summer and I get racked over the coals for dissing that movie too!

"Camp" is a good flick though. Rented it uhm, a few months ago. It seems more realistic than the others, yet in a very un-realistic setting.

 
At 4:12 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"WHAS" did deliver the punch for me, because the entire thing is funny. The stranger humor always gets my goat!

 

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