Friday, August 20, 2004

Down with Swift Boat Veterans

I've had enough of swift boat veterans bad-mouthing Kerry's war record. Can't they bad-mouth something Charley? I mean, who do these swift boat veterans think they are? Everyone knows (or should know) that you can't trust a non-Kerry swift boat veteran. Is there so much to dispute here? Kerry obviously put his rich ass on the line at some point to drive his swift boat up a river filled with killer pirhanas and bombs and killer pirhanas with bombs on them. He got a bunch of fucking medals for it too. So what's the big deal? Swift Boat Veterans for Truth should rename itself Swift Boat Veterans for Fucking Kerry's 'Nam Shit Up. And what does Kerry's swift boat record have to do with his environmental initiatives or his tax plan or his handling of the Quebecois Separatist movement?

Nothing. That's what. Plus if we were really looking at Kerry's war record, shouldn't we look at Bush's non-existant, "I went to town for fresh corn" non-war record? But we can't. Cause Bush has no record for like 20 years while he followed around Deep Purple and hoovered Peruvian flake. And, as far as I know, Bush was not a swift boat captain for Deep Purple, Black Oak Arkansas or any other artist on the Dazed and Confused soundtrack. I'm not even sure these bands traveled by swift boat.

As an aspiring swift boatsman myself, I'd like to announce the forming of Swift Boat Captains for Boobs. They're bouyant and supple and I like them. I'd rather have boobs than truth as my swift boat sinks in a raging river.

And that's really all I have at this point. I'm not even sure what I'm writing about anymore, except swift boats, Kerry and boobs. Sounds like a party. Now I'm going to look for a coffee table.


At 11:04 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Slack's best post of all time right had me at hello. You had me at hello.

At 12:54 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

random question time, u make the call!!! so, if ray lewis was on the field when the rb from the last boy scout decided it'd be cool to take a gun out and shoot people en route to the endzone...

would he have
a) caught the bullets in his mouth and fired back with his own side arm
b) made a neo like jesture to the bullets to stop them
c) joined in the shooting
d) taken a dump on the field and rolled around in it

At 1:01 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

interesting left out choice e) do the walk of shame out of the mayor's mansion.

At 1:33 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Ehhh, I don't know Poophop, the joke seemed forced. I didn't like it. I don't know who you plagiarized that from, but I'm sure it would be funnier if it were relevant to the above post. I give it a 6.4 out of 11.

At 2:11 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

well ass cowboy, when i want your opinion, i'll ask for it, politely, just tryin to get a little uncle mo goin on slack, god knows u arent helpin that cause

the pot (mmmmmm) callin the kettle black says what

At 2:25 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

back to the original many times is "swift boatsmen" in that post? sweet jesus. i love it!

At 2:25 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Uncle Mo fondled me once, when I was a kid. Leave him out of this.

At 5:19 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

I got a coffee table, from the Mekong Delta. It's Kerry saved it from attack by pulling it over the stern, or the aft, or the starboard. Starboard is my favorite side of the boat. By far. Do you think the people that came up with these boating terms are the same ones who mandated that you say "love" instead of "zero" in tennis and other raquet sports?


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