Tuesday, September 14, 2004

Go Cheney, It's your Birthday!

Isn't it time that Slack touched on the greatest conspiracy of Campaign 2004? I think so. The Bushes, W and Gov. Jeb, are manipulating the weather in order to win votes. Charley? Frances? Ivan? All three are obviously a re-election ploy: Beat the shit out of Florida with hurricanes, let Mother Nature take the rap, and then distribute federal relief funds to rebuild. What better way to make the people of Florida vote GOP than for Bush to give them all kinds of disaster relief to build a new trailer home or alligator farm? And it's not fair. Just because Bush can control the weather shouldn't give him an election edge in a major swing state. Isn't that under McCain-Feing...uh oh. Someone's at my door. C'mon in. It's open.

DF: Why, Mr. Vice-President, what are you doing here with that taser?
DC: I'm here to stop you from spreading those lies about Bush.
DF: Oh yeah, what are you going to do about it?
DC: What do you think I'm going to do about it?
DF: Um, are you going to dance?
DC: You're goddamn right I am.
DF: Are you going to do the Watusi?
DC: I'm particularly fond of that dance, so yes I will.
DF: Should I set up the disco ball?
DC: Sure, Don. Also, this isn't really a taser. It's a kick-ass black light that makes things glow.
DF: Radical!
DC: Where's a radical?
DF: No, the black light. That's really cool.
DC: I know, it's hella tight.
DF: So you gonna do the Watusi now?
DC: You bet. Don't you think it's great that I can shake it like this?
DF: I sure do. You're way cooler than Dan Quayle.
DC: I know, he couldn't spell or dance properly. Now back up, I'm gonna breakdance on my head.
DF: Nice. You're moving like a total freak.
DC: I know. Should I do the worm now?
DF: Totally. Go for it, Dick.
DC: What'd you just call me?
DF: Um, well, I thought that your name was--
DC: --Just pulling your leg, Don. I love using the fact that my name means "penis" to catch people off guard.
DF: You got me again, Dick.
DC: So how about that worm.
DF: I'm waiting with bated breath. Ho, snap! That's a sweet worm.
DC: Sweet as hell, right?
DF: Totally! I love your moves, Mr. Vice-President.
DC: Thanks, Don. I just want everyone to know how cool and hip I am. Now, Donnie, are you just gonna stand there or you wanna break it off like Dick?

The moral of the story is: Don't accuse the Bush Administration of using natural disasters to garner voter support unless you're prepared to boogie down with Dick Cheney.


At 1:42 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

This blog is on fire today -- some Jenga, some Moosedick, some Dick Dancin'...it's all happening.

Fiedler, you magnificent bastard.

At 1:55 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Weren't Moosedick and Goosedick talking about fire in the pants of the Eagles' KR? And Dickdick couldn't just let it go, could he? He really dragged the joke out. What a dick!

At 1:57 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

More humorous political humor (again, we're not talkin' politics, so calm down fockers)...

"In last week's WASHINGTONPOSTWABCNEWS Poll, John F. Kerry was viewed favorably by 36 percent of registered voters, down 18 points over the past six months.

But just how low Kerry's standing has fallen cannot be appreciated fully without comparing his standing with that of other household names in GALLUP polls over the years, the POST's Dana Milbank reported on Tuesday.

Kerry finds himself in a dead heat with Martha Stewart and Joseph McCarthy, and behind Herbert Hoover -- although he narrowly beats O.J. Simpson."

Michael Jordan: 83 (2000)
Tony Blair: 76 (2003)
Pope John Paul II: 73 (2003)
Democratic Party: 54 (2004)
John Ashcroft: 49 (2003)
Michael Dukakis: 47 (1988)
Prince Charles: 45 (2003)
Herbert Hoover: 43 (1944)
Jesse Jackson: 38 (2003)
Vladimir Putin: 38 (2003)
John Kerry: 36 (2004)
Martha Stewart: 36 (2004)
Joseph McCarthy: 35 (1954)

At 1:58 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I should clarify that's not intended to be humor, it's a real story...but it's pretty fockin' funny nonetheless.


At 4:19 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

Slacks been great today, but, christ, a girl breaks her nose by getting hit with a chair by a texas ranger relief pitcher and theres no chatter on slack about it, this is an outrage!!

At 9:02 PM, Blogger Wooglin said...

How great is it that Cheney's daughter is a lesbian!? He's named after it and she don't even want it!


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