Friday, September 17, 2004

I'm Still Dead, Bitch

Wow. So apparently Rick James really did die of a heart attack, bitch, but check out this report of what was in the guy's system at the time of death:

The coroner's office also listed focal pneumonia and "effects of multiple drugs" as other conditions contributing to the cause of death.

"Toxicology revealed the presence of the following drugs: Alprazolam (Xanax), Diazepam (Valium), Bupropion (Wellbutrin), Citalopram (Celexa), Hydrocodone (Vicodin), Digoxin, Chlorpheniramine, methamphetamine, and cocaine," the statement said. "None of the drugs or drug combinations were found to be at levels that were life threatening in and of themselves."

But I'd almost rather be dead with a slew of drogas in my system than be this dude, who married the Lorena Bobbitt of Romania. The headline of this story is fantastic, by the way, whoever wrote it should be promoted and given a scrotum tickle immediately.

But I'd almost rather be neither guy. OK, I'd definitely rather be neither Rick James or Reattached Balls Jones. I'd also rather it didn't fucking rain this whole weekend, as we've got some Yankees/Red Sawx games to play, folks. The charging Sawx come into the Boogie Down with a three and a half game deficit to make up, but unnamed sources tell me they're a bunch of fuckin' pansies and will most likely get swept, leading them to cry like little girls with skinned knees. Hey, I just report what people tell me, I have no personal stake in this whole baseball thing.

I've got tickets for tomorrow's game (do you have tickets to the gun show?) thanks to my favorite Sawx fan in town for the weekend. But will they even play tomorrow? Who'll stop the rain? This series needs to take place, it's not even an option -- it's just way too hyped up for a letdown at this point. It'd be like buying a hooker, getting her up to your room, at which point she discloses it's that time of the month and her mouth is full of razorblades, so nothing is gonna happen. At all. I mean, you'd have to brutally attack her with a meat cleaver and an exacto knife, dump half the body in the East River and the other half in P.S. 132's cafeteria freezer, right? So let that be a lesson to the Yank'ums and Sawx -- if this game is rained out, there could be some angry fans looking for revenge, and possibly necrophilia. Shotgun Matsui. Always dug Asians.

If they do play these games though, there's no doubt in my mind the Yanks are going to win at least two of them. The Red Sawx come into town just waaaay too confident and ugly as sin. David Ortiz and Johnny Damon are taking shots through the media, saying they're the better team this year. Hey, Papi, remember that game a few months ago where the Sawx woulda won had you not let a ball go right through your glove in the late innings? Remember, you then ran to the dugout and changed your glove like it was an equipment malfunction? Yeah, so Janet Ortiz, let's keep the yap shut and play some ball.

Bottom line though, let's please play some ball. No rain, no rain, no rain. Lather, rinse, repeat after me: No rain, no rain, no rain.


At 10:25 AM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

i am going tonight.

that's really all i have to say, but if it rains, i am going to be very, very upset.

At 10:27 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yikes, bring an umbrella and two of each animal.

At 11:32 AM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

goin saturday as well, and nothing would be worse if saturdays game was rained out and they played 2 sunday, making me miss all of football, not cool

dont forget to bring a towel


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