Thursday, October 07, 2004

Bienvenidos a Los Yankees, Rodriguez

First things first...a little Slack housekeeping. Why is everyone so tight-lipped all of a sudden? Where the shit is everybody? I miss the interaction of this here site, when Bart Starbux would drawl/type about items from the Dothan Eagle's Op/Ed page, when Seyeko responded to posts before they were even posted, when poophopanonymous22 was a truly anonymous and mysterious figure, when Donnie wasn't lying face down in a puddle of his own sick (I can only imagine that's where Donnie is, seeing as though he hasn't posted in like a month). Where's the love, Slackers? Can we talk? Now to the task at hand...

Mystique and Aura are back at Yankee Stadium. It was around the time of the 2001 World Series, sportswriters and talk radio hosts alike would boast about the Yankees having a mystique and an aura about them because of the dramatic way they won games. ''Those are dancers in a nightclub,'' said current Boston hurler Curt Schilling, then a Diamondbacks pitcher. ''Those are not things we concern ourselves with on the ball field.'' Little did Curt know, BH Kim/Al Nipper would serve up two ninth-inning unbelievable, deja vu all over again homeruns that allowed the Yankees to tie and then take the lead in the World Series. In those two games, Curt learned what it means to play in Yankee Stadium, whether he wants to admit it or not. After last night's game, Mystique and Aura are clearly back in their rightful place at the Stadium. And Curt Schilling can still fuck himself with a big rubber dick (even though I'd love to have a guy like him on a team I root for, he's a seriously good player and even better fan of the game).

We watch sports for games like last night's. It wasn't the greatest game ever -- in fact, there were times I was a bit bored (or maybe my buzz was wearing off, or maybe I have mono). It probably wasn't even the greatest game I've seen the Yanks play this year...this game had nothing on about five of the 19 games we played versus the Red Sawx this season. But this game is exactly why we watch sports, and it explains why we're so captivated by reality television. After all, aren't sports the original reality show? Unpredictability, riveting and unscripted plot lines, villains and heros and goats, emotions running high, a sense of history and nostalgia, the thrill of victory, and of course, the unfortunate inevitability, the horrible agony of defeat. Last night's game featured all of the key elements, all of which resulted in an instant classic with more ups and downs than a presidential polygraph.

But more importantly than welcoming those two exotic dancers back to the Stadium, welcome to the Yankees, Alex Rodriguez. In much the same way that Jeter and Sheffield can beat off on your girlfriend's face and you'd still cheer for them as they do it, A-Rod can do no right in the fans' eyes this season. And with pretty good reason: He came up empty time after time this season, hitting many of his homeruns and knocking in many of his runs with nobody on base or in games the Yanks were winning big. Strangely, we learned that he was about at un-clutch as the Red Sawx in Game Sevens throughout history. The game I was at the other night, despite going 2-4 and very nearly cutting the lead in half in the 8th with a big fly, A-Rod got booed and jeered every time he came into the dugout. Seriously, and this is not a joke, Tanyan Sturtze got a much bigger ovation in the pre-game introductions than the supposed "best player in baseball." Tanyan Fucking Sturtze.

Last night though, Alex finally became a Yankee. He went 4-6 with the three biggest hits of the night, driving in three runs and scoring two more. He homered to put the Yanks up by one in the 5th, he blooped a timely single in 7th to score Miggy Cairo and expand the lead, and then obviously he had the huge double in the 12th to tie the game and advance Jeter to third with only one out. Three huge hits. Three huge fucking hits. Welcome to the Yankees, Alex, now let's keep it going, you seemingly un-clutch bastard. Beware of dog, American League: If this guy gets rolling, I wouldn't want to face him with Jeter on base and Sheff lurking in the on-deck circle. If A-Rod gets hot, if he gets hot like Mariners or Rangers A-Rod, you're all in for a world of pain. You're entering a world of pain.

And as much as A-Rod came through for us, he's still nowhere near as cool as Jeter, Sheff, Matsui, or even Sturtze. Jeter actually hit one into the black seats last night, which sounds a bit racist but it's actually a nice little accomplishment. He became only the third player in the long postseason history of Yankee Stadium to do that, and last night's announcers wouldn't let us forget it, mentioning it at every chance. I think Jon Miller may have a thing for Jetes. Incidentally, Jon Miller is clearly a member of the Rick Majerus, Coach Lubbock from Just the Ten of Us, Ralph Friedgen club, which is currently voting on whether to admit Vice President Dick Cheney to the group. It's a good group, but I hear the hazing is unbearable. Last guy to get in had to pick up a cherry with his ass cheeks, run through an obstacle course, deposit the cherry into a glass of beer, then chug the beer and eat the cherry. Cheney can do it, though, I know he can.

Here are some other thoughts on the game: Joe Nathan is really, really good. Sure he gave up a huge inning in the 12th, but he was tired. He's really good...Twins' skipper Ron Gardenhire was absolutely right to let Nathan try to pitch the 12th inning. You have to go for the jugular against the Yanks, and they went for it. Nathan got a bit tired and maybe he should have come out after the Jeter walk. But it was the right decision to send him out to start the 12th...Seriously, Pat Borders is on the Twins? Did this guy not die six years ago? Wasn't he the World Series MVP more than a decade ago? Crazy stuff...How about that Jason Kubel at-bat versus Mariano in the 9th last night? I thought Gardenhire should have just come out to the umpire and forfeited the at-bat, rather than see those three swings at pitches over his head. Didn't you listen to Geena Davis, Kubel? Lay off the high ones.

And now I feel even more comfortable in my prediction for the series...Yankees in four games. We're taking both games in the Metrodome, and we're taking this armoire.

9 Comments:

At 2:02 PM, Blogger The Ambiguously Gay Uno said...

Oh man, he's doing it. He's doing it. Go Clarence, Go Clarence...

 
At 2:17 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I thought it was Souter, but I'm glad someone got the reference...you're my boy, Bl-uno, you're my boy.

 
At 3:09 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

It's definately Souter. "Oh my god, I can't believe he did that!"

 
At 5:27 PM, Blogger Army Archerd said...

How does the man we know and love as "Rickles" not make that exclusive club?

 
At 8:27 PM, Blogger spicoli said...

Nothing to do with the above posts...just a compliment on the George McFly quote, that totally goes unnoticed. Nice work.

 
At 11:45 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Rickles should be in that club...but to explain the significance of Rickles would be a whole post in itself.

 
At 11:46 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

loving the new faces here on slack, ace's casa su casa

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

It's good times. Good times.

 
At 10:37 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

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