Wednesday, October 20, 2004

Caaar...Game On

Game Seven: To quote the greatest musician I've ever known, "I had one of those flashes, I'd been there before, been there before..."

Yes, we have been here before, about 370 days ago to be exact. In the meantime, the Yankees and Sawx have met 51 times (fifty-one times in 370 days!), with each team winning about half of the time. The rivalry is as strong as ever. The absurdity of this series knows no bounds, just like the absurdity of last year's series captured the attention of a nation. Tonight's the night, so go to your corner store and buy a bag of Craisins and an 8 x 10 glossy of Lenny Krayzelberg, because this is it. This is what legends are made of, this is where the magic happens, [insert sports cliche here]. Game Seven is on. Who's ready?

As a fan of baseball, there really is nothing greater than this. That much I must admit. But here's the deal for us partisans: For Boston fans, this is either going to be the most improbable comeback in the history of professional sports or the biggest cock-punch in the storied history of a "cursed" team. For Yankee fans, this is either the craziest choke job in the history of professional sports or the greatest job of taunting your hated rivals, letting them breathe in some new life before pulling the plug on the life support machine. Put simply, there's an awful lot at stake for millions and millions of crazed and passionate fans, and someone's going home very unhappy. I've referenced this before, but I'll always look to Yogi's most brilliant piece of advice on occasions like these: "Relax, we've been beating these guys for 80 years." If Joe Torre were really as smart as we think he is, he'll be repeating that mantra all night. Just relax, play like Yankees.

As of 10 am this morning I was going to this game. That's right, going to Game Seven! Sure, it woulda set me back about $200-$250 for an upper deck ticket, but that's a small price to pay for what could be the biggest baseball game in recent memory. As of 10:30 am, some options trader, I'm told, swooped in to intercept those tickets like Stephane Matteau on a Slava Fetisov clear, plunking down $500 a pop for each ducat (sorry for the random hockey reference, but that was a very important Game Seven in my life that I was at, and we won, and we need all the karma we can get right about now). So, that leaves me outside the Stadium, watching on television like you peons and commoners. Fine by me, fine by me.

I keep trying to re-hash last night, but I don't think I have the energy to do so. I mean, no sense looking to the past, right? It's 3-3 and we're going into a win-or-go-home game, no need to go back in history no matter how recent it is. But I would like to address three key points from last night's game that really bothered me:

1. Alex Rodriguez's play in the 8th inning...many people have already called that the least classy play of all time, leading to an un-classy reaction from the fans (more on that in a bit) blah blah blah. Um, that's a joke, no? Do you want some fuckin' Grey Poupon or you want our 40th pennant in the last 80-something years? I don't think he should have swiped at Arroyo's glove like a schoolgirl swatting flies, but not because it's an unclassy move. I think he should have just bowled right over that 126-pound fuck, forcing that little corn-rowed douche to drop the ball. Arroyo was close enough to the baseline that it would have been a trickier call, and most likely he'd be called safe for the home crowd. Or how 'bout a little subtlety, Alex? Maybe a shoulder to the glove? This guy looked like he was slapping a hooker's ass, but only after she said, "Spank me lefty, and do it wildly like a penis-less cripple." The move wasn't lacking class, it was lacking balls and ingenuity.

2. Classless Yankee fans for throwing shit on the field after that call...OK, I don't approve of what went on there. Under NO circumstances do I condone throwing anything at players or affecting the game in any way, shape of form. But don't act like Boston is this classy city and New York is the rat trap, slum of the Earth. Rewind five years to the 1999 ALCS, when Jose Offerman was called out of the baseline, the fans at Fenway littered the field with all sorts of debris (Christ, in Game Five of this series the Sawx fans cheered when Manny lined a shot into the Yankee dugout). Mets fans threw batteries at John Rocker. Browns fans threw bottles, hard glass bottles onto the field. Bengals fans copycatted that. Almost every city that has truly passionate fans has some recent history of what happened last night. Reminds me of an expression from that Bible book or something, "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone." So everyone around the country, re-fucking-lax with that.

3. I said this in my ALCS preview: "And mark these palabras: Tony Clark will have a huge hit in this series. A huge hit." OK, I'm gonna take a mulligan on this one. Tony Clark has proven beyond a shadow of a doubt that he is complete dog doo. And now I'm starting to see what The Boston Firekid said the other day...doesn't Tony Clark look like Tom Hanks at the end of Philadelphia? Well, he sure plays like Hanks' character would play...limp-wristed, terrible and looking near death.

With that said, no more looking back. From here on out, it's nothing but positive vibes. Game Seven is on, folks, and I'm asking "Who's ready?" Who the fuck is ready for this? I'm ready. Oh man, am I ready. Game Seven is on. Oh, it's on.


At 12:50 PM, Blogger ethan said...

dumbest thing to do at a baseball game: throwing a foul ball back on the field. i was cursing the boston fans for doing this, hoping fans at the stadium wouldn't be retarded enough to do it. but it's caught on. newsflash to fucking dumbass fans: it delays the game and pisses off the players. stop it. now.

At 12:52 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

jesus man, where u been all morning, working??? what the f.

as for game 7, i have nothing even remotely entertaining to say about it, other than, is according to jim on tonight?

would u rather your team lose tonight or have your balls chopped off and served to u unbeknownst(the serving part, obviously, it would be difficult to not know your balls had been chopped off), i'm leaning towards balls chopped, but, check back after i "go to the bathroom"

At 12:57 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Sorry poophop, I did unfortunately have to work a bit...that sucks, right? Can't I just comment on these games for a living? I'm in the wrong biz.

And apologies for not coming through with a quality post today, it's been a long morning and my emotions are everywhere. Just like my Tony Clark prediction, I'm taking a mulligan on this post.

I'll come back this afternoon with something good.

At 1:00 PM, Blogger Bart Starbux said...

Hey Bullet,

Are you at all surprised that Jeter is getting off so easily for having a crummy ALCS? Yeah, the 3-run double in 5 was big, and yeah, he drove one in last night--but the Sox won both of those. A few months ago, Jeter was getting booed out of the Stadium. Now, the fans seem to be letting him off the hook. He hasn't been Damon-bad, but he hasn't been anywhere near Jeter-good.

Come to Bklyn and watch 7 with us.


At 1:15 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Bux, great point...we have absolutely let Jeter slide. He has had a totally sub-par series, without a doubt. But you forget that the double in Game 5 was enormous, and it surely wasn't his fault they lost that game. It ain't over yet, and all it takes is a clutch hit tonight for him to make up for it all. I say Jeter's OK by my if he shows up to play hard every night, which he has. And tonight he'll show you why he's the Yankee captain. First pitch he sees tonight is headed out to the right field seats. Palabras.

Brooklyn may be on. So confused as to what to do...superstitions, lucky people, I'm all confused.

At 1:45 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Ace congrats on getting the tickets...Don't forget to bring a billy club.

anyone ever been to Ollie's in time square...sfy yummy

At 7:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Lenny Krayzelberg??? Ketchup Popsicle??? good stuff.

As for Jeter, you Yankee fans ALWAYS give him a pass when sucks, which is a lot more than you want to talk about. True, the guy is clutch, as clutch as they get. But when he's not clutch, he's just a guy laying down bunts. He sucks. Jeter sucks. The Yankees suck. And Ace, you suck, too. Unfortunately, Derek Lowe sucks huge, enormous, testicular cancer-sized balls, and will let the Yankees off the hook tonight. Thank the good lord they don't televise baseball over here.

- Spanish Miguel


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