Friday, October 22, 2004

The Other Races

--I know a lot of Democrats are disappointed that the Incomplete Stars were unable to beat the Dead Bucks yesterday in the NLCS. They were hoping for a Massachusettes vs. Texas match-up that could serve as a test run for the presidential election. Unfortunately, the Massachusettes vs. Missouri matchup will only tell us if Kerry would beat Dead Carnahan in a Senate heat. And just like in the World Serious, Missouri has a historical edge: Dead Carnahan is 1-0 in races where he's dead. Kerry is untested in running against dead people. He is, however, fantastic at making Vietnamese people dead. I guess, by the historical match-up logic, if Bush ate dogs and wore one of those big white pointy nipple hats and worked in a rice paddy and was all for the re-distribution of wealth and the elimination of class categorization, then Kerry would win in a landslide.

--The Scholastic News Presidential Poll is out and it's official: Kids suck by a 52-47 margin. In all but 2 elections since 1940, this poll has accurately predicted the outcome of the presidential election. Well fuck you kids. They took Bush over Kerry. I'm not sure I trust the outcome, however, as these are the same kids who think "fitting in" is more important than good grades. They're also 10 times more likely than voting adults to "pick their nose and eat it" and to "pants the fat kid." Many of them go so far as to wear sweatpants to school on a regular basis. And this is supposed to tell us who's going to win the election? Posh.

7 Comments:

At 3:02 PM, Blogger abby said...

Now now, there's nothing wrong with wearing sweats to school everyday. Unless you're the fat kid. And your name is Arush.

Hi Donnie!

 
At 3:34 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Hi Abs. When are you going to reveal your little secret and turn the blog world on its ear?

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Dude, you can't out people like that, Donnie...Abby, slap him silly. Silly, I tells ya, slap him.

 
At 4:25 PM, Blogger abby said...

Well, that's a fine how-do-you-do! I suggest you mind you own blog, Donnnie. And for that matter, keep up with it too.

(Oh snap!)

 
At 4:58 PM, Blogger Bart Starbux said...

I must confess, I've been on-ear since I heard the news, which makes hearing further news difficult, unless you are speaking to my off-ear.

 
At 10:07 PM, Blogger Tortfeasor said...

The other 1% of those no-talent ass-clowns didn't even vote for Nader. They collaborated for a write-in vote for "Mom"--what an oligarchy that'd be...

 
At 10:29 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

did anyone happen to see ashlee simpson brick on saturday night live last night? one for the ages.

 

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