Friday, October 29, 2004

A Schill for Bush (Clever, Ain't I?)

If there's one guy in sports I should want to kick in the junk more than anyone else, it's Curt Schilling. He was as responsible for knocking off the Yankees in the 2001 World Series as any other member of the Diamondbacks, and he did the same this year with his admittedly incredible pitching in Game 6 of the ALCS. Like Newman on Keith Hernandez, I should despiiise him. I should hate the man based solely on athletic performance, based solely on the fact that he repeatedly kills my favorite team, right? Cock-punch for Schilling, right?

But I actually like Schilling, I think he's a rare breed in sports today: He's an athlete that caters to the fans and studies the game, he's a guy with one eye on history and the other on the way the game is played now. He was baseball's unofficial spokesman after 9/11 (competing with Then-Alive Dead Jack Buck), he posts on fan message boards and he calls into talk radio shows to disspell rumors about his ballclub. He's exactly the kind of guy I'd want on my team, exactly the kind of ballplayer I'd hope to be if I had any genuine talent for the game. So I don't hate Schilling, I just hate his uniform.

That is, until this week. Turdlicker Schilling took the opportunity after winning the World Series to endorse this Bush fella on national television (boy, was Charlie Gibson surprised when Curt blabbed "Make sure you tell everybody to vote - and vote Bush - next week"). Then Col. Bushgroper declared he'd campaign for the president in swing state New Hampshire today, but his bum ankle (cough cough) forced him to bow out. I have no problem with celebrities backing candidates, I don't believe just because you're famous you should be held to some neutral or no opinion standard. After all, Schilling's earnest declaration was no different than Springsteen or Streisand or Cher coming out in favor of that Big Head Douche from Massachusetts. I just don't like it if you endorse the guy I want to send back to his faux Crawford ranch, that's all. It's a personal preference thing, really, and now in my eyes, Schilling has gone from some dude who just won the World Series to some dude who sucks who just endorsed some dude who sucks on a much greater scale. So Curt, shut up-a you face. Go back to being a father for that kid who tried to jerk off all the sweaty Dominicans at this year's Home Run Derby (as eloquently pointed out by Bart Starbux a few months ago).

Speaking of the WS, did anyone else see Jimmy Fallon making out with Drew Barrymore on the field after the clincher? Um, maybe it's for this movie they're filming, but that's just weird and wacky stuff. I don't like it. Film your movie elsewhere, Fallon. Unless you're filming this movie, some good times on the UMass campus after the win over the Yanks (definitely use discretion at work, it's got a bit of titty action). F Boston.

From round balls to oblongs, let's focus our attention on the Ol' Ballcoach. As Steve Spurrier tries to reach an agreement with the University of Florida, current players are speaking out about what his return would mean to them. Many of the team veterans were recruited by Spurrier, and many are plenty pissed about his possible round trip to Gainesville. I'm semi-torn on this one, because I see both sides of the story. I'm still pissed at Gary Barnett for bolting Northwestern, and I'm sure the NU players will never forgive him for such a move. But that situation as different, as Barnett went laterally to another school. Spurrier did what ALL good college athletes do these days...forgo college and try their luck at the professional level. Why is it acceptable for college players to make the leap but it's not okay for a coach to do the same? He tried it, didn't work for him, luckily he can come back to the college level. He didn't do anything his players wouldn't have done to him. What Spurrier did was not back-stabbing and can not be classified as a dick move...what he did was the right decision for him, and everyone at the school should know that.

The players loved Ron Zook, a players' coach in every sense of the word. But aren't wins and losses the ultimate goal in college sports? Don't the players realize that no matter how much they loved the fired Ron Zook he just couldn't get the job done? Five losses last year, several big losses this year (including to that colored head coach at Miss. State, that's a killer, can't lose to the brotha)...that's not getting the job done. No matter how much you love the guy, wouldn't you rather have a coach in place who knows how to win, knows how to elevate your game, knows how to smile smugly and look like a Southern Freddy Couples? I sure would. I'd sure as shit welcome this guy back like fuckin' Journey...with open arms. So noooow I come to yooooou, with oooopen aaaarms.

With my boss out today, I was thinking about my office environment, and I realized how much worse my job has been without Gypsy Rose by my side. I mean, we laughed nonstop, to the point where our dickhead boss would shut his door when we cackled too loudly. We argued, we agreed, we laughed, we cried (well, everyone cries here, like I said, the boss' ability to be a prick in unparalleled), it was one of the best office friendships you could find. I particularly liked Gypsy for one reason above all else: She liked what I liked. Here, listen to this song. She'd do it and like it. Here, watch this video clip of this chick falling down the steps. She'd do it and like it. We did share a love for this one Strong Bad e-mail (from Homestar Runner) and I went back today to view it. Still cracks me up to no end. Thought I'd share: our favorite Strong Bad e-mail can be seen here. You still thmell like pea thoooooup.

Lastly, I listened to the Humpty Dance on my way home from work yesterday. That song is time-tested, still as good today as it was back then. I suggest a listen. "Oh yes, ladies, I'm really bein' sincere, 'cause in a 69 my humpty nose will tickle ya rear." Better than Shakespeare.

8 Comments:

At 12:53 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

Ahh. You're right. We do like the same things. I even like the Humpty Dance! The song I mean. Do the humpty humpt... Well, you said that I could use your site to shamelessly promote myself. So here it is... the new blog. www.acidwifeonstepford.blogspot.com

 
At 12:56 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Niiice, I'll put up the link now...Did you watch the video I put up?

 
At 1:07 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

Yes. I Thtill thmell like pea thoup.. Even moreso now that I don't have to leave my house for work.....

 
At 2:46 PM, Blogger Phiul said...

You guys both have great taste. I love Strong Bad. But my favorite is the motivational poster email. And of course - Trogdor.

 
At 3:28 PM, Blogger ethan said...

i have a sign at work. people are confused by it. they think i'm weird. it says a lot, in just 2 simple words:

no loafing.

(good call titsy)

my favorite is the one where strong bad writes a techno song. it's a must for all halloween playlists. the system, the system, the system is down...

 
At 3:47 PM, Blogger The Ambiguously Gay Uno said...

ok- what the hell is this 'strong bad' thing? Am i the one dick that hasnt heard of it?

 
At 4:12 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yes, probably you are...dude, you're a Fark reader, they talk about it on there all the time.

Go to http://www.homestarrunner.com/ and look around for the Strong Bad e-mails...the Teen Girl Squad is also pretty f-in' funny. Psoriasis!

 
At 12:02 PM, Blogger misterlister said...

A slight correction: although I believe that Newman may have said that he despised Keith Hernandez, the true punchline of that scene came when Newman said, "I looaaathe him."

 

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