Friday, October 01, 2004

Thursday Night's a Great Night for Debate

As opposed to Friday night, which is a great night for football...

We'll put up some more commentary in a little while, but first I'd strongly urge everyone to check out's "Distortion and Misstatements at First Presidential Debate" this morning. This piece cuts through the spin, it cuts through the bullshit, it cuts through the president's fuckyou arrogance and the challenger's giant forehead and affected accent, it cuts like a knife, and if you don't read it, I will come to your house and I will cut you.

Did anyone make the "I'm sure the president thought debate was the thing at the end of da hook" joke yet? I'm waiting for it. And waiting. That joke sucks 37 dicks. Anyway, despite making a few really dumb points like that crap about "passing a global test" for pre-emption, it was pretty obvious to me that Kerry did what he needed to do last night, and as such, won this debate. That thought was confirmed this morning, when a report on Drudge's website said "Bush inner circle suggests Bush visit with Hurricane victims earlier in day was emotionally draining, contributed to 'tired' appearance in debate..." Yeah, that musta been it. Then what the hell explains why the president looked so angry and frustrated, an aborted handjob from his visit to a rub-n-tug masseur earlier in the day? Seriously, the president looked like he either had a mean case of blue balls or he had to drop a serious deuce-down.

Look, I'm no fool, I know these debates probably won't swing too many voters, and they really don't mean all that much in the grand scheme of things. We've heard all of this rhetoric before; you could have held this debate in 26 minutes with only five questions asked. But this was important for one main reason: The president totally had the chance to completely knock Kerry out of the race last night, and much like his planning for the war, he failed miserably. He started out hot, admittedly made some good points early, but then his emotionally draining visit to the hurricane folks must have gotten to him, because he completely ran out of gas. After about 45 minutes, he looked like an eight-year-old in temple on the high holidays, squirming and making strange facial gestures during the rabbi's boring sermon about generosity and horse radish.

We've got a long way to go, but Kerry has his toughest debate behind him and holds a true advantage going forward. I mean, the debate about the economy isn't exactly going to be easy for the president to get through. Mr. President, what do you plan to do about the fact that more people are in poverty since you took office? The more uninsured? How do you reconcile the fact that you're the first president to lose jobs in office since Herbert Hoover? Why are you picking your nose so diligently in this sequence? So if Kerry doesn't win that one, then gosh, I don't even wanna know him.

And if either candidate uttered the phrase "I Believe" one more time I was going to call in a bomb threat. I felt like I was at a fuckin' Blessed Union of Souls concert. I broke out into "I've been seeing Lisa now, for little over a year..." and the chorus of "I Belieeeeve, that love is the answer" about 35 times last night.

Anyway, that's my two cents. I have some substantive points I'd like to make, but I'm not interested in making those points right now. There's too much other stuff going on: like a sick NL Wild Card race, an amazing three-game playoff for the AL West crown, Jake Plummer's battle versus the NFL gestapo tactics, a wedding this weekend of Slack loyalist/Ace friend QLRM and his lovely soon-to-be-wife, and much more. I shall return.


At 12:21 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

how bout this joke...

looks like Kerry was a member of the UMass debate team.

completely off topic, i saw "Elegant" Elliot Offen sprinting to catch the subway, guy almost knocked me over, but heres the kicker, it appeared he had a chris elliot-in-theres-something-about-mary sized zit or cancerous mole, good times. any slackers have any amusing fake celebrity sightings past, present, or future????

At 12:48 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I don't really get that joke...but I like that you're trying, poophop. See ya tonight, pah-tay time.

At 12:48 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I don't really get that joke...but I like that you're trying, poophop. See ya tonight, pah-tay time.


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