Wednesday, October 27, 2004


I gave blood today...gobs of it. I've got a sweet turquoise tournoquet around my obscenely huge left bicep. Somebody asked me what that was for and I said it was a special "be careful not to shoot yourself while hunting" bracelet sponsored by Greg "Point That Thing the Other Way" LeMond.

In my pre-needle to the arm interview, I was asked whether I'd ever been to Africa and whether I'd had sexy time with a prostitute. I said that, "yes, I'd been to Africa -- the Saheel, actually" and that I'd actually worked as a prostitute while visiting. The girl just laughed and marked "no" down on the sheet. So I said, "What do you think you're doing? I'm not kidding." Then she looked at me for a while and said, "Sweet, I've been looking for a male prostitute from Africa to ride all morning long." And then I said, "Alright, but if you don't have any Ugandan Schillings (UGX) to offer, then you've gotta make an offer." She offered all the Lorna Doons I could eat, you know, from the "wussy light-headed girl needs to drink juice" table. And suddenly, I was a working man again. And I love Lorna Doons.

So apparently New Jersey is up for grabs. Damn you Governor "I ♥ Hebrews" McGreevey. You couldn't have waited til November to be gay? And now I can't get an absentee ballot from there and I'm going to have to waste my vote here in Brooklyn. Goddamnit. Can I catch a break here?


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