Tuesday, November 02, 2004

Fill Me Up, Mr. M

That's right, it's Election Day...so remember to go vote if you're over 18. But if you're dead, or illegally out-of-state, or colored, or female, don't cast a ballot and a shadow of illegitimacy over this important election. What's that? Women and blacks can vote? OK, if you say so, chief...

The lawsuits are on their way to being filed, folks, that's a certainty. The magic has started already. According to the always reputable Drudge Report, votes were found on machines in Philadelphia before before the polls even opened: "Before voting even began in Philladelphia -- poll watchers found nearly 2000 votes already planted on machines scattered throughout downtown... One incident occurred at 2601 N. 11th St., Philadelphia, Pa: Ward 37, division 8... pollwatchers uncovered 4 machines with planted votes; one with over 200 and one with nearly 500... A second location, 1901 W. Girard Ave., Berean Institute, Philadelphia, Pa, had 300+ votes already on 2 machines at start of day... INCIDENT: 292 votes on machine at start of day; WARD/DIVISION: 7/7: ADDRESS: 122 W. Erie Ave., Roberto Clemente School, Philadelphia, Pa.; INCIDENT: 456 votes on machine at start of day; WARD/DIVISION: 12/3; ADDRESS: 5657 Chew Ave., storefront, Philadelphia, Pa... Developing..."

Can we have an actual election that doesn't revolve around this shit? Seriously, there are dark corners of Laos that have cleaner elections than the supposedly most advanced country in the world. We've got 90 international observers from 36 foreign countries monitoring some of our polling places, we've got people from this country making sure there's no voter intimidation, people making sure everyone can cast a proper ballot, people making sure P. Diddy shows up on cable news at least 11 times today...this is craisins, we've got more poll watchers today at elementary schools than at strip clubs. Where are the dominant male monkey mothafuckers when you need 'em, the guys who'll march right up to these dudes and say, "Well why don't you observe while I punch your fucking teeth down your throat?"

So remember to make Slack LaLane your home for all election news coverage, and stay tuned. Okay, that's just a yoke. But I'm sure we'll be posting today with some non-insightful commentary and breaking news from the field...

Above is your first, here's your second bit of election news (okay, that's also a yoke). That article has more to do with 300 children being bitten by 'blood sucking' monkeys at a famous Indian temple than our election. But the difference is negligible...

Oh, and go J-E-T-S, finally lookin' like the team I thought they'd be out of the shoot. Maybe it took a tough loss to the Pats and a high-profile game against the worst team in the league, but Herm finally got the team kicking on all cylinders. Two 100-yard rushers, what looked like the best offensive line in the league, a quick defense led by a dominating D-Line and speedy, young linebackers, decent special teams (but go FORWARD, Santana, FORWARD) and excellent play-calling by coordinators Hackett and Henderson. Six wins, one loss, and so far, not many bumps on the road to the Super Bowl...

5 Comments:

At 10:25 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

No link to a picture of Nicky Katt? He only came to Slack to do two things: drink beer and kick ass. Can't you see that he's almost out of beer?!

 
At 10:56 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I looked, but couldn't find anything...Sorry, these things happen. We here at Slack love Nicky Katt though, he was great as Clint as he was great as cool teacher guy in the first season of Boston Public, affectionately called BP.

 
At 11:05 AM, Blogger ethan said...

ahh, harry senate (his name in BP). what a great man. and did that show run itself into the ground or what. i think reruns are currently being aired on the "We" network.

 
At 11:24 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

The first season BP was incredible, so bad it was great...we didn't miss an episode, as if missing a train wreck were even an option. Then it just became an over-the-top version of itself, which was in itself an over-the-top version of a regular school show...and I think that's no gouda.

Despite the fact that 90 percent of our readers are probably either liberal or libertarian, anyone wanna have an election day discussion?!

 
At 12:27 PM, Blogger ethan said...

only if we can contemplate the merits of mr. cobb.

 

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