Monday, November 22, 2004

G'Morning, Bitches

Apparently there was some kind of fight this weekend. Not sure, but I think so. A few people are talking about it, but in a really low-key manner, nothing too grand. Psyyyyche.

Ron Artest is a Santa Claus of sorts, giving an early Christmas gift to the scores of ESPN anchors, cable and local news anchors and reporters, talk radio hosts, shoe-shine guys, sports reporters, bloggers, John Saunders, the three remaining straight haircutters on the planet, and other media types. Artest, who I accurately dubbed the new Tyson after last week's rap album shennanigans, is now the main star in The Story That Just Won't Die, and now all these folks have something to talk about for the next two weeks without mercy. No mercy. Sweep the leg.

I just want to make two quick points and then move on:

1. Why did Ben Wallace get a six-game suspension? You could make the argument that he started the whole thing, but not really...he started what happened on the court. If Artest doesn't make it into the crowd, Wallace gets something like a $10,000 fine and maybe, just maybe, a one-game suspension. Why does that change because of the inappropriate actions of a Rodmanian hothead? I don't get it, I really don't.

2. More importantly, is anyone truly surprised by this whole thing? I mean, shocked, sure. Appalled, no doubt. But surprised? It was only a matter of time this whole NBA thing blew up. And it was also about time before the fans of any sport got wildly out of control like this. It's just that the NBA has the easiest access to the court. There have been fights in the stands at more than half the games I've been to in my life -- football, baseball, basketball and especially hockey...the only real difference here is that the players got involved in the fracas. This is a black mark, this is virtually unprecendented, but this is not surprising to me in the least.

And that's all I'm gonna say about the subject. Well, one more thing: Jermaine O'Neal cold-clocking that guy? Unreal. Un-fucking-real. Watching that in slo-mo is gold, Jerry, it's gold. OK, now I'm done. Any more from me is just overkill. Heh, Overkill, great song, especially the acoustic version that Men At Work frontman Colin Hay played on the Scrubs season premiere last year. Download that shit, it's good.

One last note this morning...if you didn't see Arrested Development last night, we gotta talk, for serious. This show is as entertaining as it gets. I may have Scrubs and AD fight to the death, winner gets all my laughs. I like that idea. I'm-a gonna get that going.

12 Comments:

At 10:10 AM, Blogger ethan said...

ace, you're like the three old ladies in "clash of the titans" who use a single eye to predict the future - just last week you're asking for some fights and look what you get.

that, another NU thriller, and some patented quincy carter. good luck not having a heart attack every sunday til penn n teller gets back.

 
At 10:14 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I did call for more fights...and look what I got. But this was even beyond what I was calling for!

Eeeesh, these Jets are awful. NU is awful. And yet my team won both games...craisins. Next weekend we go for bowl eligibility and an 8-3 record.

 
At 11:04 AM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

i know u dont want to talk about it anymore, but, i just wanted to briefly discuss the accuracy of the fans who threw crap at the game, i mean, i havent seen that kind of accuracy since ron jeremy in the late 70's, holy christ!!

 
At 11:58 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Nah, poophop, you can talk about it all you want...I just didn't want to do a whole post about it. I'll comment in this section all day if you please. Good line, by the way.

Yeah, everything that was thrown was pretty much a dead-on hit. I liked when Jermaine O'Neal was bein ushered into the lockerroom, some guy just poured like an entire soda (something darker than beer) on the guy. Great stuff.

The Daily Quickie guy (and fellow Wildcat) has a pretty interesting take on the fight and the X-mas day game...check out his look in the Quickie.

 
At 12:13 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

yeah, there was one guy as oneal walked out that had a bottle of something, and was dumping it on him like it was a jay-z video, good times

can we add the holy crap ron artest is about to mush my face into the floor face in SG's pantheon of faces

 
At 12:38 PM, Blogger ethan said...

two reasons i think the artest suspension was too much:

(1) after initially going after the first beer tosser, artest was subdued by some fans. that is, until one of the fans (an older guy in a blue jacket who had artest's arms pinned back) started punching ronnie in the head! he cannot be blamed for retaliating against this action. once that happened, i think all bets were off.

(2) any fan-player fights that occur ON THE COURT are not worthy of suspension. ever. this is non-negotiable. if a fan jumps on the field in baseball and sprints at a fielder, the fielder is justified in kicking his ass (and this has happened many times). that guy in the pistons jersey was approaching artest ON THE COURT with his hands raised. that fucking guy deserved a haymaker to the skull. probably 2.

i think artest should've gotten 30 games, with jackson and oneal 15-20 apiece.

 
At 12:55 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Here's where I disagree:

"...he cannot be blamed for retaliating against this action. once that happened, i think all bets were off."

No, all bets are off when Artest jumped into the stands. He incited a riot, plain and simple. If he just restrains himself, or someone restrains him, and he doesn't go into the crowd, there's no brawl whatsoever (whatd'ya mean there ain't no brawl?).

I have gone back and forth on this a few times, but ultimately I think the NBA made the right call on the suspensions.

That being said, I also think those fans involved (and that's a big number) should receive lifetime bans to all Detroit stadiums, no questions asked. You just cannot do this in public, this was a riot and people could have gotten fuckin' killed. No soup for you, come back one year. Or no actually, come back never.

 
At 1:26 PM, Blogger TJ in OH said...

I think suspensions were due, but I don't agree with how Stern handed them out. I think Jackson should've been suspended for the rest of the year. He rushed the stands, unprovoked, and just started throwing punches and some really hideous open-handed bitch slaps at people. The use of bitch slaps alone should've landed him 40 games.

Artest should get 60 games. Yes, what he did was wrong. I'm not defending it. But it was an emotionally-charged situation that he initially tried to stay out of. But he deserves 60 for rushing the stands, and Stern should issue a serious edict that any player that goes after a fan in the stands again, for any reason whatsoever, receives a two-year ban from the NBA.

O'Neal really got screwed in this deal. He didn't go in the stands, but he did deliver The Greatest Punch Ever on that wannabe tough guy Pistons fan. I love seeing that in slowmo; Jermaine gets full extension on it. Classic. He should get 10-15 games tops. Any fan stupid enough to run on to the court to fight gets what he deserves. The number of games he got is disproportionate to his involvement and not in line with previous and similar suspensions.

The penalties I'm waiting for are the ones against the Pistons. Don't you think Stern has to send a message to teams, arenas and fans like he sent one to the players on this?

My favorite part of the whole thing is the reversal of fortunes for the guy that Artest jumped. At first, when he sees Ron got a soda or something thrown at him, he's digging it and jumping up and down, maybe pointing a little. Then he sees that Artest thinks it was him, and the guy's face just collapses. A close second is the lady in the Pistons jersey behind the bench who's also talking a healthy amount of shit until Artest leaps the table. She gives it a great "wasn't me," shuts her mouth and gets the hell out of the way.

All in all, this is overblown. BUT, it should raise serious questions about violence in our culture. I don't have an answer for it, but it seems like nobody even wants to raise the question. Am I kidding myself, or is there a very real correlation between what we saw in Detroit and South Carolina this weekend and the pervasiveness of violence in popular culture?

 
At 2:11 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

I personally blame Nicolette Sheridan for the violence in today's society.

I like what the Quickie said today: to cancel the Christmas-day game between these two teams, give them both a forfeit loss, and find another game to put on Christmas.

I also think that, to punish the Pistons and their fans, Detroit should be forced to play a certain number of games with NO crowd. The organization loses a bunch of revenue and the crowd loses a bunch of games. This penalizes the great majority of Pistons fans at the Pacers game that had nothing to do with the brawl. But I think this might be worth doing to get the point across. (this was option was put forth first by ESPN.com's Mark Stein, who cited the precedent in European soccer)

As for it contributing to the college football games, if anyone is to blame there, it's the coaches. I think Young Bowden said that it's no wonder it happened in Clemson-Cocks b/c the players watched the clips of the Detroit brawl before the game. Well, hey coach, why didn't you tell the players that, especially now, you can't, under any circumstances, get into a brawl. Tommy B admitted that he was put on notice and he didn't do anything to prevent it.

J. O'Neal was jobbed. Jackson got off easy (though I guess being the second one into the crowd could be a "to the aid of a teammate" argument...not sure that mitigates the wrongful act by 30 games though.) artest got what he deserved. case closed. while laying on the scorer's table is commendable in the sense that he was avoiding a confrontation with Wallace, that is still not what I would consider acceptible protocol in that situation. Get your ass back on the bench, Ron. (or at least get yet ass back to eurasia). By staying on the scorer's table, he didn't actively pursue a brawl but passively allowed it to escalate. This, in and of itself, does not warrant the rest of the year suspension. I just don't think he was acting as commendably as everyone seems to say he was.

 
At 2:19 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

i couldnt peel my eyes away from this fight, why is that?? cause fights kick ass?? probably, i dont know, but, speaking of violence in our culture, reason 843 the apocalypse is upon us...

http://www.indystar.com/articles/3/196679-8823-010.html

i cant help but wonder how much fun this game may or may not be, is that wrong??

 
At 2:45 PM, Blogger Army Archerd said...

I'm glad some peeps on here agree that O'Neal got fucked in the ass like a certain someone's mom by an unnamed horse on an undisclosed day of the week (too inside?).

Jermaine never left the court, and the guy he cold-clocked had come on the court to challenge Artest to a duel. 10-15 max. I've been arguing this with some friends and they look at me like i'm taking crazy pills. The man has only one look for Christ's sake! Blue Steel? Ferrari? Le Tigra? They're the same face! Doesn't anybody notice this? I feel like I'm taking crazy pills!

Anyways, my fantasy team took quite hit...but it was worth it. Haven't seen someone get hit that hard since the infamous Berger-Andrews fight.

 
At 2:51 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

That surely was an infamous horse, Bob...

Anyway, I agree on Jermaine's suspension -- I think 10 games tops, and part of me thinks that's even too harsh. I mean, the Royals didn't get fined for beating up the Ligues, did they? There was really not much difference, except for the full-scale riot in progress. But that should give Jermaine even more leeway to knock that dude the fuck out I guess. In short, that guy invaded the court, he trespassed, and Jermaine shouldn't be punished almost as harshly as Steven Jackson, not even close.

 

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