Friday, December 10, 2004

Clara Wonka Zappa Camera

Princess Clara
Earlier this week I extolled the virtues of Comedy Central's new animated reality show Drawn Together. Having TiVoed Tuesday night's episode, I sat down to watch last night in great anticipation. And, once again, it did not disappoint. Two absolutely classic and hilariously disturbing lines to report:

1. Princess Clara is talking to her father, The King, on the house's communal phone when she tells him that she thinks something is missing. The King replies: "Did you check the colored girl's room?" But the princess meant something missing in her life, so she tells her father that she "longs for so much more." To that, the King replies: "Oh course you do, that's what princesses do, they long for more. Or die in a car crash in France."

2. With Princess Clara on some spiritual search for self, Spanky Ham lets her in on his prank with Foxy (which involves defecating onto a pizza to torture the delivery man, by the way). But the princess messes up a key element in the plan, leading Spanky to say in the video confessional, "That was a huge mistake...Not as big a mistake as when I converted to August of 2001, but still pretty big."

Man, do I love irreverent comedy. I don't want to bite on Governor Arnie's style here, but this show is faantaaastic. It's just faantaaastic to waaatch a show of this calibah. Those two are just a couple highlights, there's so much more (like flamingly homosexual video game warrior Xander asking Captain Hero "Do you know what would be fun right now?" and Captain Hero answering "Elder abuse?"). So please, pleeeeease Eddie, for the sake of the children, start watching this show, you won't be sorry. UNO, back me up here.

Willy Wonka
I have no idea why Tim Burton would want to re-make Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory. There's such a nothing-to-gain factor in play...I mean, how can you top Gene Wilder and the emsemble cast of the 1971 version? These fucking people are messing with sheer brilliance, I tell you. All I know is, they can change the look of the movie if they see fit, and that's all but guaranteed with Burton at the helm, but if they take out any of Wonka's dialogue there's going to be some hell to pay. I better hear "We are the music makers, and we are the dreamers of dreams," Charlie and Grandpa better be some ugly ass motherfuckers and there better be some fucking snozzberries in this new one.

Well, just as I had suspected it looks dark, Depp looks freaky, Burton is at it again. Introducing, the trailer for the new and most likely unimproved Willy Wonka.

Frank Zappa
Someone alerted me to the presence of the following clip last night, and I'll be damned if I didn't sit there for 20 minutes watching the whole thing. I don't expect the lot of you to watch this, but if you've got a third of an hour to spare, I give you the incredible, inedible Frank Zappa on Crossfire from back in 1986. Zappa takes on such a right-wing fascist about the decency of lyrics in music and the idea of government censorship that Bob Novak looks like a fuckin' centrist. At least watch a little bit of it, I'm 100 percent shocked that Frank didn't beat this egghead about the face, neck, chest, breast and head.

But the best part about the whole clip is that some of the things Zappa says about the Reagan administration 18 years ago are heard on Crossfire today about the current party in office. There are quite a few quotes that resonate just as much today as they did back then...give it a shot, Zappa makes some sense. He also rocks. And kinda looks like Borat.

Frank Zappa on Crossfire 1986 (fourth clip down or so)

Work-that Camera
No introduction necessary: Pictures of the Year 2004

--Say what you will about T-Mac's heart and his defense and his inability to carry a team, but last night's performance was nothing short of legendary. McGrady scored 13 points in the final 35 seconds against possibly the league's best team, including a running 3-pointer with no time on the clock. McGrady brought Planet Hooston back from down 10 in the final minute, giving the team its first three-game winning streak of the year. I think T-Mac is the best offensive force in the game, and I love that he looks like he's coming down from four or five bong blows at all times, so here's to you, bud...

--Jeff Kent signs with the Los Angeles Dodgers. Great move by both sides, nothing negative to say at all. A two-year contract is perfect for both sides, the salary is worth it for both sides...I like this move a lot. The only thing I'd question is the break-up of the double play combo of Cora and Izturis, but ChiptoleBob tells me that they'll move Kent to the hot corner if they lose Beltre, to first base if they lose Green, or keep him at second if Cora leaves. So, they've got options, and I'm sure they'd like to hear those options, so they could weigh them, whatd'ya say?

--The GEICO commercials with the guy insulting the cavemen...have you seen it? Great stuff. Great stuff.

--Here's a funny article about the top ten bands or artists who never recovered from releasing a Christmas single. I am especially partial to number four, the popular rock band Slade's "Merry X-mas Everybody."

--And Chuck B from San F passed along this little Jewbag video...if ever I was to use the word "cute," this would be it. My grandmother would absolutely love this. Now I know that's not a ringing endorsement, but it's Friday, it's a slow day, and you've got two minutes to watch some candles play "My Menorah."


At 11:03 AM, Blogger TJ in OH said...

Two of my favorite things in one post! Zappa fucking rules and I can't wait to check out the Crossfire clip. If you don't own Roxy & Elsewhere, tell your boss you have a parasite or something and run to the nearest record store to get it. Second, the sheer brilliance of Wilder in Wonka, quite possibly one of the most underappreciated performances in film history. He didn't get a ton of credit during the peak years of his career, but Wilder was consistently operating at a different level. Comic Genius.

As for Drawn Together, on Slack's ringing endorsement I caught about five minutes of the episode where they crap on the pizza. Not very impressed, I'm afraid to say. Based on yet another endorsement, however, I will give it a second look.

At 11:17 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, Drawn can't just wtch the pizza crapping part. That was a rather crude element of the show this week. The comedy was gold, Jerry, gold.

Wilder is the man...very underrated, much like Zappa. Nothing like the following sentence:

...shall forfeit all rights, privileges and licences herein and herein contained, etcetera etcetera, fax mentis incendium gloriae culpum, etcetera etcetera, memo bis...

At 12:21 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

It's the little things in that movie that get me. Like Wilder's deadpan, "No, stop, don't" to Mike TV by the candy shrinker. Gaahhaahahaha. Vicious.

At 12:31 PM, Blogger TJ in OH said...

Agreed. Wilder's subtlety was what made him great.


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