Monday, December 13, 2004

Coulda Been Worse

The New York Jets Road to the Super Bowl hit a minor snag this weekend, but I'm not worried. We're still gonna win the whole fuckin' thing, and people will still bow down before me for my excellent prognostication skills. And hopefully while bowing, someone will attempt to lick me in my place of business, leading to my boasting headline "Handsome Blogger Fellated by Area Jet Fan; Gender Unknown."

I mean, for all that went wrong, we were a trick play and a long pass away from greatness. We took 12 penalties for a total of 84 yards, most of which came in the first half and most of which came in really crucial spots, Chad Sexington threw three interceptions and still looks less than 100 percent in the shoulder region, we fucked up that downed punt, we didn't use LaMont Jordan enough in a physical game...and still we held the game close against one of the league's best teams. There are a lot of "if"s from that one yesterday, but if we get our discipline back, if Chad gets healthy, if we keep our heads in the game, we're 10-3 and the pundits are talking Gang Green all day.

To put it another way: If Becht doesn't get called for that bullshit hold on LaMont's long run and Fuckface McGee doesn't kick the ball into the endzone on the punt we should have downed inside the 1, we're talking about the Jets all afternoon. I happened to be on the phone with Snackowitz as the latter play unfolded, and I said, "This is how you lose games, right here. This is the fucking game." Instead of a 99-yard drive under intense pressure from a sick Jets defense and even sicker front four, the Steelers had some room and drove right down the field. That changed the whole game. That killed our Uncle Mo'. You killed Uncle Freddy. Uncle Freddy died? Uncle Freddy's dead!

So I don't feel all that badly about losing this game. Sure, you play to win the game, Jackie Childs/Herm Edwards said that once. And I desperately wanted to pull out a victory like I pulled out from your mom last night (ooooooh!). But maybe this is the wake up call we need to kick it up a notch and compete with the elite teams like Pitt and New England. Let's see what happens this weekend -- now we need to roll over Seattle like Tracy Gold's family SUV...

Hoobs and I went to see an early release of the Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou this weekend, in a crowd of people that clearly loved Wes Anderson the way we do. Since I hate any and all movie reviews, here's a brief reflection from Ace: The acting was great, Murray gives a stellar performance and Willem Dafoe should win an Oscar for his role as Klaus; the cinematography was beautiful, something Anderson has become better and better at through the years as his budgets increase; the storyline kept me interested, but it also led to scenes that were nothing short of "boring"; funny at times, serious at others, much like all four of his movies. Basically, I walked out of there saying it was better than 95 percent of the shlock out there, but compared to Bottle Rocket, Rushmore and The Royal Tenenbaums, I'd put it at the bottom of the list. In fact, my preference for his movies is the same as their order of release -- I'm not saying his skill is declining, I just think I'm liking his movies less as his fame grows. That's, however, more of a testament to his early work than a dig on his later stuff. So to sum up, "Life Aquatic: Better than Shlock." Go see it and decide for yourself, you'll definitely at least enjoy it.

Everyone's favorite Internet quasi-celebrity Jason Mulgrew's got a new site...check it out by clicking on the old link to his site. Movin' on up.

Clearly we tackle diverse topics on this here are the last seven Google searches that brought people to Slack (not that funny, but I always enjoy seeing what brings random people here):

1. Peyton Manning Cut That Meat
2. Converted to Islam in August of 2001
3. Ned Ryerson
4. Jeannie Zelasko, Beltran, Yankee, Comment
5. Geico Commercial and Caveman
6. House of Flying Daggers, Ann Arbor
7. Dayquil, ecstasy

(And check out the return of Donnie Fiedler below.)


At 2:16 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

interesting stat from peter kings mmqb today aboot bonds...

Mike Francesa and Chris Russo recently had a guest on their afternoon talk show on WFAN in New York, a home run aficionado. Claimed that he'd studied the distances of all home run for all the top home run hitters of all time. And this fellow made the point that Barry Bonds had hit 26 home runs that traveled at least 450 feet in his career. Three came before 2000, and 23 came since then. So in his first 14 years he hit three tape-measure shots. In his last five years he's swatted 23 of them. Where I come from, that's a pretty strong dose of circumstantial evidence.

At 2:51 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

That is some serious shit right there...always liked that Peter King. This story needs to go national.


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