Wednesday, December 22, 2004

Random Nuge

Last day of the mini-break for this week, back to work tomorrow...So here are the first things on my mind this afternoon:

--Is there a weirder looking villain in cinema history than Jeremy Irons' character in Die Hard With a Vengeance when he walks into the Federal Reserve? The guy's wearing a tight, seemingly aqua tanktop and painted-on black denim hiked up to his nipples, all with a bleach-blond, middle-aged surfer 'do and the posture of a coat hanger. Am I supposed to be afraid of this guy? I think, if it's possible, he's actually less physically imposing than Count Chocula.

--Staying with the third installment of the Die Hard trilogy, is there a reason the truck driver who delivers the "Chester A. Arthur" and "Nooo, the waaater aquaduct" lines didn't win an Oscar for Best Supporting Actor? I'm serious, I'd have his babies right now if I were capable. The Boys of Jericho, New York have appreciated his work for quite some time, but it's time for him to go mainstream, albeit a decade after the fact.

--How come sometimes when you get stoned you feel the need to sit on your ass and loaf around with your hand in your pants, but other times you feel the need to obsessively clean your apartment/room, re-organize all your stuff and attempt to fix everything you've ever broken? What goes on there? Do the THC particles gather in your system and take a vote as to how you should spend the next 20 minutes? Because if that's true, I'd be surprised.

--If you see one movie this year, make it Christmas With the Kranks.

--The retro craze is everywhere, and that's cool, I don't mind it. But keeping up with the retro craze, would it kill the Gatorade folks to re-deploy the "Gatorade is thirst aid...for that deep down body thirst" ad campaign? I sing this song to myself thrice a week at least. Just fuckin' do a modern version of this, do it well, do it with Mikey Jordan, have him wink at the camera as the sweat pours off his glistening dome, c'mon, do it already. (And while we're at it, let's bring back the Beggin' Strips classic mersh of the dog repeating the word bacon over and over again, finally leading up to the crescendo of "Ittttttt's baaaaacon").

--I just read another Son Seals obituary that said he was survived by his sister and 14 children. Good for him, man, good for him (although at first I thought that meant he had 14 kids with his sister, which would be...hot). I have the use of two working legs and I only have three or four kids out there.

--The timewasting game of the day: How far can you Slingshot Santa?

--Seriously, there's no reason Phish couldn't retire 360 days a year and play in Miami for five fucking nights to close out the year? Makes no sense to me. I should be on the beach, in the lots, at the show, suckin' down balloons, stumblin' home to an economy hotel not far from the venue...but I'm not. Thanks, fuckers.

--Fuck you all, I'm out.

8 Comments:

At 3:05 PM, Blogger ethan said...

287.6

and jeremy iron's girlfriend in that movie is much scarier.

 
At 4:01 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Shit, man, I'm still in the 210-220 range. Maybe if I had a degree in engineering...

Ooooh, Full House just came on. I'm out.

 
At 4:35 PM, Blogger Sox1918 said...

All i want to do is race daddy.

 
At 4:53 PM, Blogger ahren said...

speaking of the phearsome phoursome, i just got my coventry booby prize in the mail... i can't decide whether to piss on it or burn it.

seriously though, moe. ... vegas... new year's... do it. you can stumble around the desert and suck down balloons. it's almost as good.

 
At 10:11 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Ahren that does sound nice...but we got ourselves a little house-party-party up in Connecticut. Although Vegas, huge balloons and live tunes are a few of my favorite things, so thanks for the suggestion. Are you goin to moe. for NYE?

 
At 1:04 PM, Blogger The Ambiguously Gay Uno said...

I know that I'm late on this one, but third try I got 332.1m. I AM ALL THAT IS MAN!

 
At 1:18 PM, Blogger ahren said...

i am indeed going to moe. NYE... somehow, i know they won't top the all-time classic new year's bust out of "feel my heat" but i can always hope for a cover of "you got the touch" or something...

YP, MP, i don't understand all this technical jargon...

 
At 2:56 PM, Blogger ScuffyMcgee said...

The villan comment got me thinking. Ace knows my passion for Die Hard, so keeping with that theme, my Top 5 Movie Villans (off the top of my head)
1. Hans Gruber
2. Any William Zabka role
3. Bradley Whitford (Nerds 2: Roger the Preppie,
Billy Madison: Eric, now he bangs Malcom's mom)
4. Victor Maitlin from Beverly Hills Cop I (he had some scary fucking eyes)
5. Christopher Guest as the Six Fingered Man ("You're that little Spanish brat I taught that lesson to all those years ago")

Bottom 5 Villans...No particular Order
1. Helen Slater in Ruthless People: Who the fuck casted Supergirl as a kidnapper?
2. Corey Feldman in "The Good" Blown Away. I personally believe the Corey/Corey combo was only effective when they were on the same side. This ultimately helped bring their downfall in such projects as Dream a Little Dream 2 and Last Resort.
*In a non related story, I just visited Corey Feldman's Imdb page and it said "sometimes credited as Kinky Finkelstein."...Wonder how that comeback is doing.
3. Mick from Teen Wolf...now although this 35 year old playing a high school kid did indeed win the opening game in the movie 72-12, and claimed to blow off MJF's mom's head, his girlfriend banged another guy, he got his ass beat at the dance, and then fouled out and lost the championship game (longest 3 second sequence ever)
4. Ed Norton in the Italian Job. This movie just flat out suuuuucked despite having an all star cast, and well somebody has to take the blame.
5. Tommy (Gunn) Morrisson: Rocky 5...Can't Act, Can't Box, You have AIDS

 

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