Friday, January 14, 2005

Quick-Pick Snack Pack II

Despite being absolutely on fire this season, including a 4-0 record last week, my confidence in this week's picks is lower than a teenage fat chick's self-esteem. Frankly, I could have gone either way on each game on the slate...well, in truth, I try not to deviate much from my regular philosophy of going both ways anyway, so this wasn't all that bad.

Originally I wanted to take all four underdogs, but after last week's ridiculousness in which three 'dogs covered, I just don't see that happening again in a strictly "What are the odds?" sense. It was a full-on crapshoot deciding which favorites would cover, but I think I got it right.

Without any further (Freddy) ado, here are my four winners on the way to an 11-0 record this postseason:

J-e-t-s (+9) over STEELERS
The Steelers have never lost a game to the Jets at home. The Steelers haven't lost a game at home this season. The Steelers have never lost a game with Big Ben Roethlisberger under center. I feel like I'm doing fuckin' logic problems in high school math class...but instead of the givens logically adding up to a Jets loss, I think we're gonna Modus Tolens the shit out of these d-bags this week. Or just eke one out like the Chargers game.

The Jets need to come out fired up, but play real loose. That was the key to beating the Chargers last week: For much of the game, the Jets played loose, whereas usually they come out tighter than a gay man's stool. So let's keep that attitude rolling. Paul Hackett should continue to call plays like they're his last ever, opening up the offense, going deep early and often, mixing up LaMont and Curtis to keep the Pitt defense on its girly toes.

Remember folks, Pitt didn't have Plaxico last time around...but the Jets were also two or three plays from winning that game, and perhaps winning big. We took 12 penalties for 84 yards, Becht got called for a bullshit holding call on a huge LaMont run, and some assface kicked the ball into the endzone when we could have downed a punt inside the 1 yard line. If those breaks fall our way tomorrow, look out New England or Indy. I may be a fanboy, but I was right last week, and I'll be right again tomorrow. And our MVP will be LaMont Jordan.

Final score: Jets 23, Steelers 21

FALCONS (-7) over Rams
Since Kurt Warner's deal with the devil elapsed, there's just not a chance in the world I'm going to bet on Mike Martz in a big game. And on the other hand, I'm not going to bet against a rested Mike Vick at home in his first big playoff game in the Dome. Besides, people are fellating Marc's Bulge-r way too much this week, and he's due for a four-interception game against Atlanta's stingy defense this week.

Bottom line, I just have a feeling about this one, a game where Alan Rossum runs back a kick, Keith Brooking runs in a fumble or's gonna be that kind of game, where defense and special teams beats Martz's offense to the punch. I think you're gonna see Beamer Ball in Hotlanta this weekend, once again starring the incomparable Mike Vick.

Final score: Falcons 31, Rams 21

Vikings (+9) over EAGLES
What's with the Moss uproar? I already defended the guy once this week, and now I'm going to do it again. If the guy thinks ten grand ain't shit to him, it ain't fuckin' shit, okay? If the guy wants to shake his dick at someone, let the guy shake his dick at someone. What's with all the censorship these days?! Why does every athlete have to practice "restraint," as most sports pundits are calling for? It's fuckin' silly to me that Moss continues to get ripped apart for these kinds of statements. Let him say what he wants to say...if you think it makes him sound like a fuckin' idiot, then that's what you believe. I think our president's a fucking idiot when he opens his mouth, but I'm not calling for him to practice a little restraint. Well, actually I am, but...

Regardless, I don't think this one's even close tomorrow. I know everyone is loving the Vikes this weekend, and I usually like to bet the other way, but I think Minnesota is the lock of the week. I got nuthin' to add to this, just a final score...

Final score: Vikings 34, Eagles 16

PATRIOTS (-2.5) over Colts
I'm completely out of gas, and I gotta finish up some work. So here's the short, short version (do you? do you?): While everyone expects the Colts and Peyton to exorcise the demons (this house is cleee-uhr), I expect the Pats to come out on top in the end like they usually do. I'll take the Genius over the QB any day of the week and twice on Sunday. A slowed down track, a defensive scheme, the Pats looking to repeat, I don't see Peyton pulling this one out. I'd like to see Peyton rubbing one out, but that's a post for another time.

Final score: Pats 27, Colts 23

"That's it for me, I'm outta here."


At 3:18 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Words NOT used by Ace in his analysis of the Eagles-Vikings game:

- offense, defense
- running game, passing game, special teams, etc.
- home-field, weather, fans, etc.
- wide receiver, quarterback, cornerback or any positions
- McNabb, Culpepper, or any player on either team besides Randy Moss

Words used by Ace in his analysis of the Eagles-Vikings game:

- restraint
- dick
- idiot
- lock
- silly
- censorship

[Also, there was a part about George Bush]

Therefore, I am assuming that Ace's (lack thereof) analysis will be incorrect.

And yes, I am an Eagles fan.

At 3:42 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

we're on the cusp (love that word) of history slackers, lets all hope for an eagles loss so mulgrew goes on the biggest killing spree in US history, we're all counting on u!!

At 3:50 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

Your Jets analysis this week is even more delusional than last week. Well, maybe they'll squeak it out again. Do the Steelers have a rookie kicker?

At 4:05 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I knew I'd get a rise out of Mulgrew on that one. Sorry, guy, that's just the way I feel.

As for analysis, have you come to expect any serious breakdowns from me at this point? C'mon, yer all better than that.

And JRH, I think my Jets analysis last week was much more delusional...but that's okay, everyone should keep writing off the Jets -- we'll gladly keep surprising people if we must.


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