Wednesday, January 12, 2005

The Surreal Life

I've never seen this show, but the concept is incredible: Throw a bunch of random has-beens and washed up d-bags into the same house with no script and see what unfolds. Brilliant!

Anyway, Scuffy McGee sent me an e-mail this morning with some potentials for his dream season, which was the impetus for this afternoon's post:

Andrea Barber (Kimmy Gibler), Mark Holton (Chubby from Teen Wolf, Francis from PW Big Adventure), Dennis Haskins (Mr. Belding), Luis Daniel Ponce and Jeremy Licht (twins from the Hogan Family), Jenna von Oy (mmm, Six), and Adam Curry from MTV.

That's a pretty good list, I'd watch that show in a heartbeat. Well, not really, considering I don't watch the ones that are currently on television. But it's a good list nonetheless. Here's mine, off the top of my head:

The fast talker from Micro Machines mershes (also Mr. Testaverde on SBTB), Edie McClurg, former WWF wrestlers S.D. Jones and Kamala the Ugandan Giant, Rue McClanahan (Blanche Devereaux), former Rangers great Mike Gartner (just for the 'stache factor), Carol Kane, Optimus Prime, the little kid from Amazing Grace and Chuck, and Laci Peterson. Shit, scratch that last one, she washed up, but not like that.

Who ya got? Sound off in the comments section below (which means Ethan, poophop and Uno these days).


At 2:57 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

The new season is great so far.... you can't even imagine a bigger train wreck than Chyna... she's so messed up, she makes Anna Nicole look like June Cleaver....

At 3:17 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

Here's my surreal list: Tiffany Brissette (Vicki the Robot from Small Wonder), Rick Astley, Peter Tomarken (host of Press Your Luck), Eartha Kitt, the "Where's the Beef?" lady (if alive), Mr. Ed, Sinbad, and Glenne Headley (of Mr. Holland and Dirty Rotten Scoundrels fame)...Booyah.

At 3:26 PM, Blogger Ruben said...

I just came across your while surfing and I have to say that whoever wrote the list for the dream season is amazing! Can you imagine the drama when Kimmy Gibler and Mr. Belding get caught in the hot tub? Take care and read my blog sometime if you get the time.

Ruben Porras

At 3:37 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

ahhh, gotta love shameless plugs

surreal life, lisa turtle, mike tyson (as long as they could get the roomies to sign waivers for not caring about being raped at night) the one armed drummer from def leopard, the father from Alf, julie from first real world, and al swearingan from deadwood, and i could play this game for days

At 4:14 PM, Blogger ethan said...

i thought i would need a few minutes to think this out, but geez these people came to me within like 2 minutes:

stephen tobolowsky (ned ryerson)
kim fields (tootie from facts of life)
slash (gnr)
danielle fishel (tapanga)
barbara bush
a.c. green
carnie wilson
scott "wide right" norwood

At 4:25 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

I want in on this.

Curtis Armstrong (Booger in Revenge of the Nerds)
Heidi Fleiss (She’s out now, right?)
Farnsworth Bentley (P. Diddy’s former manservant)
Steven Baldwin (The republican brother)
Joaquin Andujar (Just cause I like saying his name)
Nelson (Both brothers from the self titled band responsible for 80s hit “Love & Affection”)
Soleil Moon Frye (Also like saying her name & she was Punky Brewster)

Poophop, I also thought of the one armed Def Lep drummer, but saw that you had it first. Not sure what that says about us.

At 4:40 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

This may be the greatest interactive post ever -- we could go all year on creating funny houses.

Hoobs, hilarious that you picked the Small Wonder chick. I was going to include her, but then Scuffy McGee used her name in a follow-up email to me today, so I didn't wanna look like a stealer stealer. Good stuff, she's everywhere today with that little robotic vag. Whoooa.

Great call on Jaoquin Andujar (sp?) -- Ask Uno, my greatest Trivial Pursuit answer of all time was Andujar, to the amazement of many. Forgot the question, but the answer was either him or John Tudor, and I guessed right.

How could I have forgotten to include Ryerson?! The guy's my favorite actor ever! Bing!

Let's keep it goin folks, post twice if you wanna...

At 4:47 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

i'd like to add coolio and this girl to my list...

At 9:33 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Apologies if these are repeats....

1)Josh Saviano (Paul from the Wonder Years)
2)Lenny Dykstra
3)Nelson (Pedro Martinez's clubhouse midget)
4)Mia Sara (Sloane Peterson)
5)Kim Jong Il
6)The little girl on Small Wonder
7)David Koresh (pre-inferno)
8)Snow (he of "Informer" fame, made white rappers everywhere even more ashamed of being white, even Vanilla Ice)
9)Hallie Eisenberg (that annoying little girl from those Pepsi commercials back in the day. I'd love to see her and Josh Saviano sneaking out of the pool late one night. Of course, she'd have to be 18)

At 10:25 AM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

You're a sick f*ck Matty Mac. I like it. Oh, and I wanna add Cap'n Lou Albano to my house. Or maybe he should just have a celebrity boxing match with Poophop's jailbait-ass-girl. Either way.

At 10:39 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

That's three votes for Vicki from Small that just weird or what? I'm a big fan of Kim Jong Il being in the house, that guy fuckin' rocks. Well, in a sickfuck dictator kind of way, of course...

The guy even kidnapped S. Korea's most famous actress and her producer husband, forcing them to make some propoganda films for him. He didn't even let 'em go, they had to escape after like a decade of captivity. That's awesome! Well, not for them, but cool story.

Sorry bout your car, man, that sucks.

Oh, Willie Aames, aka Buddy Lembeck, has to be in this house. Nicole Eggert, too.

At 11:27 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

I believe Willie Aames, better known as Buddy Lembeck, is now doing some sort of comic book/movie/stage thing as a Christian Superhero for some Born Again thing called "The Bibleman Adventure". Highest of high comedies, check it out. If I were a betting man, I would have put my money on him being a porn star after his stint on "Charles in Charge". I can picture his first flick being titled something like "Who's in Charge Now? Buddy does the Pembroke Girls".

And, it would have been a whole hell of a lot better if Nicole Eggert were the featured harlot. And I mean Nicole Eggert circa "Blown Away" when she was still young and begging for another job. A guy can dream......

At 11:40 AM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

speaking of "blown away", i have to get this off my chest, we need to petition someone to change the name of the other blown away, nothing pisses me off more than when i see blown away on the guide, flip to it, only to find that bastard jeff bridges on my screen

serenity now serenity now

At 12:32 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I've often argued that a hardcore porn of Willie Aames and the Powell girls would sell a million that he's some crusader, though, I'm sure he'd pass up the chance to see Eggert all nekked. Thanks for the info, Matty Mac, good to know.

Poophop, you're 10000% right -- if I turn on Blown Away and see Tommy Lee Jones, I feel like throwing my television out the window. Was there a better movie for teenage boys to masturbate to? Nicole Eggert with no clothes and real (yet small) boobs. Gotta love it.

Any more people for the Surreal Life house?

At 1:47 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

A few others to possibly add.........

-David Duke (to balance out the militant African American to White Supremacist (sp?) ratio)
-Bill Romanowski
-Rodney King
-Father Guido Sarducci
-The kid who played "Casper" from the movie "Kids"
-Gary Busey
-The guy with the fake tan and white afro who hosted the gameshow "Win, Lose or Draw"
-Skippy from "Family Ties"
-Maurice Clarrett (what else does he have to do?)
-Joe Isuzu

Do you think there is a formula to selecting these? I mean, do you think the network people sit down and select people using a set # criteria that they have to meet?

And, in this list, do these people have to be alive? We could go on forever if those not of this earth any longer are included.

At 1:58 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Wasn't Win, Lose or Draw hosted by Burt Convy? He didn't have a white fro. And he's dead.

For some reason, that "he didn't have a white fro" line just reminded me of the greatest The State exchange of all time:

Doug, your mother and I think you're on drugs.
Drugs? Hey man, I'm Doug, not Bob Dylan!
Doug, do you even know who Bob Dylan is?
No... but I know he died of drugs!
Doug, Bob Dylan is alive and well. I produced his last three albums.
Oh, you mean Uncle Robert? He didn't die of drugs.

At 2:05 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Yeah, that's him. What I meant by white afro was the white man's version of an afro, not an afro that was colored white. Times were weird for me when that show was on anyway, so, anything I say about it is probably wrong. Either way, I think he'd make for a good guest.

At 2:11 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Bert Convy was awesome...and that show was awesome. For some reason I really liked Win, Lose or Draw growing up.

Little known Ace fact of the day: Convy actually plays a fairly big role in the 1961 movie that spawned my given name.

At 3:10 PM, Blogger ScuffyMcgee said...

I am obsessed with the Surreal Life column, so here's some more:

John Ashton (Taggart from Beverly Hills Cop 1 & 2. By the way, did he refuse the part in 3? I mean granted the movie was awful, but is this guy in a position to say no?)

Andrew McCarthy and Judd Nelson

Bruno Kirby (If I watched City Slickers with my eyes closed I would think it was Billy Crystal, Daniel Stern and Joe Pesci)

GW Bailey (Captain Harris, did anybody else wonder why Harris was replaced by Mauser in Police Academy 2 & 3, and then they switched back...also according to imdb, Harris's first name was Thaddeus, who knew?)

David Ruprecht (not to be confused with Ruprecht the Monkey Boy)

Robyn Lively (Teen Witch, Wildcats, KK3)

The Budweiser Dr. Galakawiecz guy

Boner Stabbone

William Ragsdale (Herman's Head)

At 11:51 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Scuffy, great follow-up list...add mean Gene Okerlund and you gotta deal. I'm signing up the house.

Little known fact about David Ruprecht -- he played Thurston Howell IV (The Millionaire's son!) on "The Harlem Globetrotters on Gilligan's Island." Now, that's an actor.


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