Thursday, February 10, 2005

I'm Your Huckleberry

"It appears my hypocrisy knows no bounds..." --Doc Holliday

As if the Armstrong Williams et al fiasco weren't bad enough, here comes one of my favorite ridiculous political stories of all time. Several years ago, the White House press office issued an official pass to a conservative blogger with a fake name and no journalism experience, a man who took the opportunity when called on during many press conferences to lob softball questions at President Bush and press secretary Scott McClellan, including a long questatement asking the president how he could work with Democrats "who seem to have divorced themselves from reality."

Later, "Jeff Gannon," since identified as Jim Guckert, would write up extremely pro-Republican columns for, often taking full paragraphs straight from GOP talking points memos. And, for some reason, nobody questioned how the fuck this guy got a fucking press pass, nor why the president or his press secretary repeatedly called on this asshat. Of course not, when you're cranking out stories about John Kerry's "pro-homosexual platform," you don't lose your credentials in the White House press corps.

But the shoe's on the other hand now, folks. After a little investigation by some left-wing bloggers, Gannon has been outed, both literally and figuratively. The faux-journalist then resigned out of "consideration for the welfare of me and my family," which as any amateur can tell you, is just grammatically incorrect. Here's why Gannon, or Guckert, needed to step out of the public eye:

"By examining Internet records, online sleuths at figured out that his real name was Jim Guckert and he owned various Web sites, including, and" [More...]

Wait, I'm still laughing.

Ok, I'm better now. When I read that, all I could think of was Stifler's scene in Old School, when Frank shoots the dart into his neck: "Yes! That's awesome!"

To recap: The most amateur journalist in history, writing under an alias, who not only got access to White House press conferences and key government documents but got to ask leading questions of the president and smear the Democratic Party in said questions, who also wrote about Kerry and his pro-homosexual agenda, turns out to be nothing more than a gay prostitution ringleader and bonafide smut peddler. Yes! That's awesome!

Where's the outrage on this one? Since I'm still waiting for outrage on the Armstrong Williams et al bullshit, and outrage about the fact that Bill O'Reilly rails against indecency while owning a vibrator and sexually harassing chicks, and William Bennett's seeerious gambling addiction, and Rush Limbaugh's need for more tranqs than a rhino on crack, I doubt we'll see it here. But they all make for hilarious stories, especially this last one, and it allows me to laugh hysterically when people on the right want to talk about "moral values."

You can stick those moral values right up the ass of a hot military stud or two...


At 1:41 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

I'm still wondering what happened to O'Reilly fighting those charges til the end. I guess he just meant until the settlement.

At 1:47 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

And his ratings are better than ever!

I'll openly admit I'm a huge hypocrit and pervert, but I loooove the hypocrisy of the right on this shit...

And yet moral values is a GOP thing. What a country.

At 2:19 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

"Dude, you got a fuckin dart in yer neck!"

At 2:22 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

More like, "Dude, you got a large Marine cock in yer mouth."

At 11:47 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

I think I have their position figured out, it's ok to suck cock, just as long as you feel really really guilty about it after.


Post a Comment

<< Home