Wednesday, February 23, 2005

Real Quick

Four quick things, then I gotta work:

1. Sometimes I even amaze myself. My dinner last night was 10 buffalo wings, but upon opening the box and seeing the saucy goodness that lay in store, I realized we had no napkins or paper towels in the apartment. I was unfazed by this predicament, however, chomping into those fuckers like Marv Albert on female backs.

And you know what? I ate all 10 wings with only a tiny scrap of napkin found in the way back of the utensil drawer, turning it into a rust-colored ball of tissue when all was said and eaten. Try it some time, it's a lot like Kramer pushing the test-drive Saab with no gas on the highway. To quote the Road Warriors, "What a rush."

2. Attention, eBay shoppers...the Trogdor Shrimp awaits your bid.

3. Good stuff: "An emergency medicine specialist has given himself an 80th birthday present with a difference – he's had DO NOT RESUSCITATE tattooed across his chest."

4. Blogger friend JRH makes a pretty good point about that whole "Fox News Exclusive" scam...makes you laugh, and then makes you vomit a little bit.

That be all for now.

10 Comments:

At 3:27 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

That was a great episode, with Kramer and the test drive, Jerry trying to keep Elaine and Puddy together long enough to buy a car without getting screwed, and George and the mechanic and his candy bar lineup.

Thanks for the link. Fox News makes me sick, but like a train wreck, I watch anyway.

 
At 3:41 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

speaking of seinfeld, u slackers remember the episode where george goes to a wake to be the consoling boyfriend, its like 10 dates in one, well... thats me, in an hour and a half, AND, on top of that, i get to meet her parents for the first time, lifes a bitch aint it

 
At 3:50 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Somebody should really read the comments on that JRH post- now I know that we talk smack about the viewers of Fox "News," but whoever this Robert fella is really needs a bit of work. There is literally no english in his comment.

 
At 4:11 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

It's a Twix! They're all Twix! It was a set-up! A set-up I tell ya!

poophop, good luck with that dude. Don't hump the corpse.

 
At 4:14 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

mmmmmmm, corpse, yuuuummmmy

 
At 4:42 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

make sure you don't double dip, poophop.

 
At 4:46 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

i'm making a scrapbook and i'd like to end it with the death certificate

u dipped the chip, took a bite, and u dipped again man

instant classic

 
At 5:24 PM, Blogger The Ambiguously Gay Uno said...

Anyone ever have one of those moments when you're just positive that someone is fucking with you? Like at any point someone is going to jump out laughing and scream that you're a douche on candid shit?

Here's the situation:
I decide to go get a refreshment. I walk to the soda machine with exactly $1 in correct change- 2 quarters, 3 dimes and 4 nickles (this sounds like a gmat question). I get to the machine and put in my first quarter. At this point nothing happens- no clinking, no nothing. doesnt even sound like the coin dropped down like they do (and hopefully like my testes will someday do).

So i hit the good old coin return button, thus initiating what must be the only operating coin exchange program in westchester. So i originally put in a quarter, hit the coin return, and out comes
approximately 40 cents (and no quarters). I think to myself "hmmmmm... that's weird."

I decide to try again and put in a nickel this time. Still nothing doing- no dropping, clinking (klac-ing) or nothing. So i hit the coin return again... This time, approximately 35 cents comes flying out (and still no quarters). At this point I
start to do the look-around thing. Now i'm thinking
to myself "ok- who's doing this"? and "is someone watching me"? and finally "how long would i have to stand here inserting coins in order to get rich"?

All of a sudden i hear a weird noise coming from the machine, and then silence. I decide to try one more time and drop in a nickel. This time the nickel drops down and the machine registers 5 cents. so slowly i put in the next nickel and it registers
again. and then the next...

Now to make a not-so-long story even longer, i put in $1 worth of coins and get my diet coke- and i'm
still holding 40 cents in my hand.

Truly one of those exchanges that i wish i wasnt standing there all by myself and someone else could see / believe type things. Although, if anyone was around and actually saw me or my face, it probably would have been the funniest thing ever.

Had to be there?

 
At 5:48 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

That's a fucking great story, AGU...

Now take that found money and pick up some paper towels for our apartment.

 
At 8:27 PM, Blogger oldwhitelady said...

Since you were in your apartment, you could have gotten a dampened washcloth to use. By the way, I heard Martha Stewart is getting out in 2 weeks. She could give you all sorts of advise on what to use for napkins:)

 

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