Monday, February 07, 2005

Sweet Ass Time

Man, the next time I need something complicated done in a minimal amount of time, I'm definately going to call Andy Reid.

DF: Shit. Only 5 minutes until we miss the crucial window where we can divert the path of the asteroid by launching this Soviet-era nuclear missile. Andy, what should we do?
AR: Ah, um...alright, let's huddle up and talk this over. Let's not get crazy here. Just settle down. Maybe we should re-boot the computers first.
DF: Um, Andy, that's going to use up at least 1 minute of precious time. We can't waste it.
AR: Oh, um...whatever. We can always onsides kick the missile in the general direction of

Seriously, did they not know the score last night? Were the Eagles guys up in the booth communicating things to Andy Reid like, "Coach, see that scoreboard that says you're losing by 10 at the end of the 4th quarter? Yeah, that's wrong. You're really up 21 and the game was over yesterday. Let's just run this thing out to really fool the TV audience. Whaddya say?"

It was the most baffling 5 minutes of sports since Francona brought Pedro in from the pen in Game 7 of the ALCS. An honest-to-god, what the fuck are you doing? moment.

By the way, yeah, I decided to post something. So whatever. Expect more, or less, from me in the future. Probably less.

My image of the day: Let's say Sammy Sosa was replaced in the 1998 Home Run Chase by Jose Canseco. It's be a great story...Canseco coming back to have a monster year with the Cubbies. Neck and neck with his former Bash Brother McGwire. And then, in the game where Mac breaks the record, he circles the bases, fists pumping. Canseco comes in from right field with a huge smile. Kissing his fingers then putting them to his chest over and over again like a spastic retard. He finally reaches Big Mac, they do a heart-warming handshake, they embrace, and then Canseco jams a huge needle full of roids into Big Mac's ass. Wouldn't that have been amazing? The needle just hangin out of the new home run champ's uniform. He wheels around to pull it out. Roger Maris's kids give him the finger. Then Mac picks up his son and squeezes him in half by accident. The arch falls down on Roger Maris's wife. What shame on the big guy.

Jack Buck probably would have twitched a little harder up in the booth that day, that's for sure.


At 1:08 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Should we be injecting shit into our butts today? Yessss!

Everyone wants to bash Canseco, talk about his lack of credibility, but you all forget that he not only saved an old Springfield woman and her cat from a deadly fire, but he also saved her washer and dryer, and was last seen rescuing her player piano. Stand-up guy -- I believe him.

At 4:12 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

I could not figure out what the hell the Eagles were thinking. Even if Andy Reid had his head up his ass for some reason, the players still should have been moving more quickly, it's like no one had any idea they were down by 10. Maybe they all thought Vinateri missed that FG.

You're right about Canseco, he's truly a hero. While Griffey was getting drunk on whatever the hell he was drinking and Ozzie Smith was falling down a bottomless pit, Canseco was saving that woman and her belongings. What a guy.

At 3:37 PM, Blogger ahren said...

i think the eagles thought that they were playing up to a certain score... like when you play in the front yard, and the first to 5 wins.


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