Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Are All Chaney/Cheneys Evil?

March 1st...Thank fucking God himself that Black History Month is finally over. Jeeeez, if I had to endure one more story about some coloredly challenged poor ol' soul I was gonna go BTK on everyone. OK, I get it, some guy broke the race barrier in lacrosse.

I jus' keeding, folks, I love black people. I am Mr. Black People. Who's your motherfucker, Jerry? But speaking of black and history, we may be witnessing the last days of Temple head coach and three-time winner of Weirdest Looking Man Alive, John Chaney. Quick recap: Chaney came under fire last week when he sent a goon into a game against rival St. Joseph's to rough up the opposing team. After ordering the roughhousing in response to some illegal screens, Temple's Nehemiah Ingram fouled out in four minutes and broke a St Joe's senior's arm, ending his college career.

At least half of the sports punditry is now calling for Chaney's ouster, which I wouldn't be opposed to by any means. I like the goon squad as much as the next guy, but I'm pretty sure this decree crossed the line. Over the line, mark it zero, I say. Look, Woody Hayes was a big-time legend of a college football coach, but he crossed the line when he punched an opposing player -- and one of his own -- in the heat of the moment. And he was fired, rightfully so. This really is not much different, and in some ways it may be worse.

It may be worse indeed...yesterday they were recapping Chaney's greatest hits on SportsCenter, which include his threatening of then-UMass head coach John Calipari's life ("I'll kill you, I'll kick your fuckin' ass, you remember that, I'll kick your ass. Kick your ass") at a post-game press conference. But immediately after that, what most people don't remember is that Chaney said something to the effect of "If your players keep it up I'll have my guys punch yours in the teeth." That's horribly bungled, but it's basically the jist.

So this situation with St. Joe's, this retaliation on Chaney's part, is not really a "heat of the moment" affair. This is the guy's modus operandi, and this time it's gotta come back to bite him on the ass, Marv Albert-style. Sorry, John, I vote you out. This way you can go defend your title in the "Which John Would Look Ugliest Naked?" contest: John Chaney, John Clayton or John Paul II post-tracheotomy.

And on the sports tip, here's a little story relayed to Slack from Mitchell Verger Dartz III, via Phil Mushnick's awful column in the NY Post (I despise Mushnick like Newman hates Keith Hernandez):

"Ch. 4's Len Berman, from spring training on Thursday, reported that the Knicks had acquired Malik Sealy. He meant Malik Rose. At the close of his segment, Berman corrected himself. But then Sue Simmons, back in the studio, chirped, 'Who's Sealy?'

'That's another player, altogether,' replied Berman.

Malik Sealy, a onetime star at St. John's, was with the Timberwolves when, five years ago, he was killed in a car crash."

Way to go, Lenny, great work. Good talk, see ya out there. It's a screw-up, sure, but at least nobody's chasing their neighbors around with a sword in the buff. I love Iowa.


At 11:45 AM, Blogger ethan said...

over the line. mark it zero. this is league play, man.

At 1:05 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Smokey would probably look pretty heinous naked also, although his name is obviously not John. It's Jimmie Dale Gilmore and to answer your question -- yes, racially he is pretty cool.

At 1:14 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Took me a few seconds to realize you weren't talking about Smokey Robinson. You know, that dude from the B2K Dr. Pepper commercial.

But Smokey the Bowler...love the guy. His fear is so real. And I'm sure he was over the line, Walter seems like he never flips out over nuthin'.

It's amazing, the smallest Lebowski quote can set off a whole chain...


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