Wednesday, March 23, 2005

Best. Link. Ever. (For Real, B)

Coming out of college I tossed aside my overpriced journalism degree and entered the hilarious world of day trading. For about a year, I traded NASDAQ stocks from 9:30 to 4, sometimes fairly well, sometimes very poorly. And aside from being across the street for that whole 9/11 thing, I had a great time that year.

But the best part about the gig was that I got to sit right next to my brother, Red Cowboy, who also doubles as a great guy and best friend. When the two of us start giggling like little schoolgirls, it's tough to get us to stop.

So you can imagine what the scene was like every time CNBC discussed a stock called BJ Services, a Texas-based oilfield services company for the petroleum industry that specializes in pressure pumping. That's right, BJ Services. And pressure pumping. I feel for the anchors that have to say it with a straight face.

Anyway, CNBC this morning did a story on UBS' upgrade of the stock -- and the network either has some jokers in the graphics department or a whole slew of oblivious fools.

CNBC Screen shot of this morning's story. So, many, jokes...


At 1:50 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

cut to anchor on CNBC:

"Man, with the price of a (share of) BJ going up these days, that stuff must be flowing like a geyser."

At 1:53 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Matty, real quick to the draw on that one...

More puns!

At 2:26 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

investors would be smart to blow their wads on that one.

At 7:50 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Anchor #1: Investors are going crazy over the rising price of a BJ these days. Your thoughts Bob?

Anchor #2: Thanks Neal. I agree, it's crazy. This price is getting BLOWN out of proportion. I mean, there are people out there prematurely releasing these stocks even though they should hang on a bit longer to get their money's worth on BJ.

At 9:43 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

CNBC? There's gotta be a "money shot" joke in there somewhere, it just ain't comin' to me.

More puns!

At 3:19 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Anchor 1: The BJ stock is rising high. What do you think Ted?

Anchor 2: I agree. Last night I came in my wife's ass.

At 3:43 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Anchor 1: Yeah, Brick killed a guy.

Anchor #2: Yeah, I did. With a trident.

Anchor #1: Speaking of which, Brick, you should lay low for a while. You know, with that whole murder thing and all.

At 4:07 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Anchor 1: The street is snatching up all the BJ they can get their hands on.

Anchor 2: Very true, which reminds me, in the proper position I can nut and put a broad's eye out.

At 4:10 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Anchor #1: BJ is sucking - and blowing - the life out of everyone.

Anchor #2: I fucked a dead black guy.

At 4:16 PM, Blogger abby said...

You guys are blowing this thing way out of proportion.

At 4:22 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Anchor 1: Goldman has raised the BJ price target to $75.

Anchor 2: Your mother has serviced more homeless men than the salvation army.

At 4:28 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Anchor 1: "BJ" is another name for oral sex.

Anchor 2: My slaves rose up and attacked my household. My wife and son are dead.

At 4:46 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Anchor 1: While we're on the topic of BJ's, I bought my wife false teeth for Christmas.

Anchor 2: I know, thanks for doing that.

Barry Bonds: I'm just tired.

At 4:50 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Anchor 1: How bout that run-up in BJ Services, Diane?

Anchor 2: Well Rick, I gave my boyfriend a bit of the BJ Services last night.

Anchor 1: Really? I always thought you were Jewish.

At 5:42 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Anchor 1: The short squeeze on BJ Services could be attributed to churning or as some have speculated due to its tiny float, circular trading.

Anchor 2: I have used a dog on a teenage geisha and then killed her with said dog, both on a lark.

Anchor 1: The scooter?


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