Wednesday, March 16, 2005

Two New Rules

Case #1: "Only 23 men's teams in the 65-team NCAA Tournament managed to graduate at least 50 percent of its student athletes..." [More...]

OK, new rule #1: Either we start giving a shit about educating our nation's student-athletes or we stop reporting about graduation rates. I would love it if college athletes got a good education, and for graduation rates to be as close to 100 percent as possible. But we're not even really trying, so we shouldn't be expecting to see any number above zero percent.

These guys are not recruited to go to school, they're brought in to play basketball and raise cash and visibility for the university. They're at college to bang white chicks and look good on television, that's it, that's all, next fucking case. So let's get serious, or let's stop the charade of acting like we give a shit. And for a re-hash of my thoughts on the NCAA and how they blow goats, click here.

Case #2: "Saje Beard's half-hour commute to class is the envy of her four classmates at a one-room schoolhouse just south of here. Most mornings, the third-grader makes the trek on Ruth the mule." [More...]

OK, new rule #2: This is not fucking news! This is not the 8th most important story of the day! This should not be the most popular story on, and this should not be mentioned by Wolf Blitzer (who prides himself on "hard news") on the noon network show! Ruth the mule is a cool word-of-mouth anecdote, but the fact that this is a national news story is lamer than FDR's legs. What, too soon?

Now, here are the top five Google and Yahoo! searches that brought people to Slack this week:

1. Church your wife fucking someone else
2. Carter drunk at P Diddy's White Party
3. John Chaney I'll kick your ass
4. One-armed stripper (again!)
5. Greetings Dunph, what's happening?

**And in a late addition...I just asked my work neighbor here to get me some stamps from the Post Office, as long as she was going. So she comes back with 10 stamps that feature a young black mother kissing a young black baby in a diaper, with the words "TEST EARLY FOR SICKLE CELL" on the top. And I get to send these out to people?! Awesome! Simply awesome!


At 1:09 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

did anyone else out there have to walk to work today?? not sayin i dont need the exercise, because, clearly, i do, but walking from 86th and lex to 56th and 7th isnt exactly how i would like to start the day off. so i ask, can anyone think of another of mans creation that when working properly, is so convenient, but when not working properly is equally not convenient?? the subway has to win, hands down, right??

At 1:09 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

"Graduation? We talkin' bout graduation?" - Allen Iverson

You're right on point there Ace. No one at these schools, from the AD down to the hoops groupies gives a flying fuck about graduation. It's more like "I've been here for four years, fuck you, pay me" and they either go to the NBA, Europe or the And1 Mixtape Tour. With a few here and there fading into bolivian. My brother played at Univ. of Tampa in Florida, a top school in Div II hoops. In his 3 years on the team, 4 seniors graduated, total, out of a possible 11. Out of the 7 that didn't graduate, 5 quit school the day after the season ended. It was a joke. And it's not like they had a chance to go pro, they just had 4 years of free room, board, books, food and white girls and when that was virtually cut off, they abandoned it.

While it really pisses me off that someone like myself had to pay out the ass to go to school and have to keep my grades up to do so, and these assholes just abuse the system, there comes a point where I just have to accept that it is what it is. And because I watch all of these guys play, pay to see them, and buy some merch, I am contributing to the problem. So, it's a decision between boycotting college sports or sucking it up and accepting the fact that I didn;t get a full athletic ride to school. And I think that these guys preaching "Graduation rates" should understand that when they write about this, they are contributing to the problem as well.

It's when we start talking about high school graduation rates that I start to foam at the mouth and violently twitch.

At 1:11 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Oh, and one more thing, my brother did graduate, cum laude. And he paid more than I did to go to school. Just a walk on white boy from Boston doing his thang.

At 1:49 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, poophop, I had to walk to the West Side (weeest siiiide) to catch a subway uptown. As the keg guy from D&C says, "Inconvenience for you..." Wrong Pickford residence altogether.

Matty, glad you agree...I'd like to cum laude, preferably in a 69 (I just butchered that line I think). Meanwhile, I just quoted both London Brothers movies in the span of two grafs.

I have no problem with college athletes living the life for free, it's not like they have the easiest lives out there. They still have to try a little for eligibility and they're training schedules are ridiculous. So I got no problem with them getting scholarships and stuff.

My problem is when we expect schools to build money-making and excellent sports programs and then people act shocked when they cheat or don't graudate...that makes no sense. You can't have your cock and eat it too.

At 2:14 PM, Blogger The Ambiguously Gay Uno said...

I actually was looking around for a stamp all day today- can you bring one home for me? Thanks.

I was also looking around for a young black woman and an even younger black girl, so if you got either of those, I'll take 'em too.

Oh- and I walked to work today also, Poophop. 31st and 3rd to 54th and Mad. Not too bad though, considering how nice it was. It's also an automatic excuse to show up late for work.

And in terms of the convenience thing, how about air conditioning? Man, that is the sweetest invention ever, until it's not working and it sucks SO bad. Or in the more macro sense, electricity itself... cause that blackout was pretty shitty after all the ice cream melted.

At 2:17 PM, Blogger The Ambiguously Gay Uno said...

And I saw Coach Carter at P. Diddy's and he was wasted...

At 2:20 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

P. Diddy's White Party?

At 2:32 PM, Blogger The Ambiguously Gay Uno said...

You know P. Diddy doesn't allow Whites to his parties...

Don't shoot 'till you see the Whites... of they eyes.

At 3:06 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Who's eyes?

At 3:52 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

student athletes' free rides extend beyond academic irresponsibility, sex with white girls, and room & also extends to sweeping. i once was caught drinking in the dorm with swimmers and had to sweep the b-ball arena all by my lonesome. the 3 swimmers had to do nothing. i protest swimmers getting free rides on sweeping! there ain't no swimmin in my show! also, ruth the mule is a good band name, as is sickle cell stamps.

At 3:59 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Hilarious, Hoobs...screw those non-sweeping swimming bitches. I'm gonna go home and bite my pillow.


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