Monday, April 04, 2005

Arthur Fortune

I received the following fortune cookie fortune last night:

"German proverb: No trees ever reach the sky."

Now answer me these questions three:

1. Are the Chinese out of fucking fortunes? Have they exhausted their entire supply of sage-like advice on the future of our insignificant little American lives?

2. Of all cultures outside the Pacific Rim, why quote zee Germans? What the fuck do they know besides killing Jews and not having enough jobs for their citizens?

3. And what's the message of this particular fortune? Are zee Germans saying I should just give up? Hell, if these trees can't reach the sky, maybe they shouldn't even try growing at all. And maybe I shouldn't be growing at all. I completely agree.

Maybe David Wells got a fortune yesterday that said, "New York proverb: You will suck balls tonight." For a different perspective on why Wells pitched so poorly, here's a note from Double A on David Wells' return to NY:

"I saw Wells out at a club called NA on Friday night. He was rolling with Michael Strahan. He was also hanging out with the pianist from Bon Jovi (who incidentally got on stage and played Dead or Alive). As crappy as Wells looked last night, I have to give him props for getting absolutely sh*t-canned and hooking up with several 17-yr-old chicks on Friday Night. I think he might have still been hung over last night."

Screw that dude in the Sawx jersey, that's the Boomer I know and love.

And lastly, Kaz Matsui homered in his first at-bat at the Great American Ballpark today. Now it's Matsui vs. Matsui for the MVP of the entire major leagues...Slipples for all! That was followed by a three-run bomb off Pedro by Adam Dunn. Welcome to the team, Petey.

This post has so many colons it's frightening: I'm literally fightened at the thought of all these colons.


At 9:30 PM, Blogger Whozat said...

Holy shit, we got that fortune yesterday!


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