Wednesday, April 13, 2005

The N Stands For Needles

Northwestern University, home of the weird and wacky scandals. Yaaaay, we're in trouble again! I mean, aren't we supposed to be, um, wicked smaht or something?

First, our basketball team in the mid-90s shaved points, apparently in an attempt to re-create the whole Get-Tony-some-prophylactics fiasco at Western U. Only instead of Happy and his friends of the program pulling the strings, we shaved points to benefit a former Notre Dame place kicker. Woo woo!

Then, in a scandal that to this day still impacts race relations in the Breezy City, the Chicago Police mysteriously shot and killed NU defensive lineman Robert Russ after pulling him over one night for driving erratically.

A white supremacist then proceded to shoot and kill former head basketball coach Ricky Byrdsong -- of course, we did nothing wrong here, but it's still not good for the school. Not good at all. And it also kicked off a ridiculous chapter in campus life involving everybody's favorite Neo-Nazi, Matt Hale, which we've discussed here before.

Several years passed before the time to besmirch the name and reputation of the university presented itself again. But NU certainly rose to the occasion when our coaching staff effectively killed our senior starting safety Rashidi Wheeler on the field during conditioning drills in early August of 2001, just days after the Vikings' Korey Stringer died of similar causes. A genuine tragedy in every sense of the word (and Heaven forbid we fire the coaching staff after that sad incident).

Today we found out that NU has jumped right into the heart of the steroids mess. We're in the shit now:

"Northwestern defensive tackle Luis Castillo acknowledged in a letter to all 32 NFL teams that he took steroids following the 2004 season, league sources said. Sources also added that Castillo tested positive at the Indianapolis scouting combine in late February." [More...]

That's our alma mater, bitch. To quote Glen Quagmire, "Allllllright."

3 Comments:

At 6:21 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Getting your news from Revolutionary Worker Online again. I didn't know you were such a pinko Ace.

 
At 7:27 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

The proletariat has nothing to lose but their chains, man. Or something to that effect.

Funny, that was the best write-up of the Russ fiasco. Maybe I should change the link to something less vodka-driven...

 
At 7:32 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Changed. Revolution squashed.

 

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