Wednesday, May 11, 2005


It's gonna be a busy day in the Large Apple, and the only thing on my mind right now is the Yankees' four-game winning streak. I don't know how many people I've said "Nobody's allowed to panic to June 1st" to over the past few weeks, but this is exactly why you don't fucking panic until June 1st. The Yanks are going streaking.

Mussina, Brown, Johnson, Wang -- four straight wins and four straight really impressive performances that saw each man go at least seven strong. Wait a minute, I just realized that two of those wins were by the Big Unit and Wang. We love the phallus here in New York.

It also helps to have Connie Gore, aka Tino Martinez, bashing balls out to right field every night. Four straight days with a big-time homerun...what more can you ask for? Tino's a true professional in every sense of the word. He basically lost the Yanks the game on Friday night, made no excuses, came to the ballpark the next day and proceeded to hit one out in each of his next four.

Sure makes it easier to put Jason Giambi on a flight to Tampa. And that fat fuck with shrinking nads better go down to the minor leagues if the Yanks see fit. Otherwise I say we call the cops and have this guy arrested for fraud and grand theft. Jason Giambi is a fraud and a nincompoop.

Anyway, let's change the subject here...what do you wanna talk about today? Got a blog? Post a link. Got a beef? Share the hate. Are you naked? That's awesome. It's Do-It-Yourself Day at Slack again, and I invite you all within reason to sound off in the comments section below. Do it. Do it.

Slack Song of the Day: Antibalas Afrobeat Orchestra's Dirt and Blood from 11/3/2004 (these guys are really good, check out their other stuff on

Link of the Day: Coventry Glowstick War


At 9:41 AM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Y'know, that Bush v. Wang pitching matchup you posted about was pretty good. Me, I'm looking forward to the next Yankees/Angels series:

Wang v. Colon.

At 9:52 AM, Blogger John Howard said...

I hate the Yankees. It's even more fun to watch them lose when they have all those high priced players.

Shouldn't that be phallus?

At 9:56 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Wang V. that's a good one. They should schedule that match-up on the day of the Gay Pride Parade here in NYC.

Yeah, JR, you're right about my spelling mistake, thanks. It's been changed (so now people are gonna be real confused).

Hating the Yankees is too easy.

At 10:15 AM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

I can't wait for this matchup:

Cock v. Pussyhairs

They should schedule that for Monster SexThrobBang in the Bronx Day. Hopefully Titlickman can close it out for the Yankees by striking out Angels CF Penis McPenispenis.

Enough with the giggling about sex names. When are the Chinese gonna learn? Don't name people Wang. They're just going to be made fun of. Va-china.

And did you talk about a Yankee possibly going down to Tampa without mentioning Yankee Brass? Next you're going to stop calling him "hizzoner".

I'm off my meds today.

At 10:23 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Ummm, I don't support the One-China Policy. Please refer to Wang as Taiwanese, or a person of Taiwan descent, from now on.

Billy Connors
Pitching Guru and Chairman of the Friends of Falun Gong

P.S. Sorry about the brass mishap. Won't happen again Hizzoner.

P.P.S. I hate you.

At 10:51 AM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Speaking of about Lebron James, firing his agent (the one who got him $80+ million in endorsement deals before he even set foot on an NBA court) and replacing him with his former high school teammate? I mean, wow. Good move Lebron.

Do you think if any of us met Lebron and told him some jokes and talked about how great he is for a half hour, he'd give us $5000? I hope so. I'm dying over here.

At 11:57 AM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Stupid Lebron. It's always good to have cronies looking after your best interests. It makes it easier for them to steal from you. This is a terrible move for Lebron. Definite future "Outside the Lines" potential.

No more giggling about sex names?

That sucks. There are so many good ones. Wood (CHC) v. Harden (OAK), Eaton (SD) v. Meredith (BOS), Affeldt (KC) v. Dinardo(BOS), Koplove (ARI) v. Bootcheck (LAA). And you must be able to do something with Bonderman.

I suppose you want that "clean" humor, like Good (DET) v. Fortunato (NYM), or Wolf (PHI) v. Saarloos (OAK). That's just lame.

At 12:45 PM, Blogger misterlister said...

So I heard that they were forced to evacuate all the important buildings in Washington because some schmuck violated his airspace. Police and secret service people made sure everybody got the hell out, including Senators on the floor debating how much of a raise they should give themselves. CNN wasn't immediately sure if the Commander in Chief had been in the White House, but as usual Fox News got the scoop. Apparently President Vagina wasn't in the White House because he was on a bike ride at the time. Why wouldn't he be on a bike ride on Wednesday at noon? I mean, everybody with a job knows that on Wednesday at noon you should NOT be doing any work. I have to go now. I'm practicing my "Hoo-ah" chant to salute the brilliant mind who's running the free world.

At 12:57 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I can't get over the Lebron you think the agent was pissed and tried to argue or he was like, "Fuck this douche, he's gonna get royally screwed by his so-called friends"? I'm guessing a mix of both. I can't wait to read the NY Post in 2015 and see Lebron's fortune has evaporated.

Noonan, screw Donnie Fiedler...he may have his name on this here blog but he can't tell you that Wang v. Bush isn't hysterical. Wood v. Harden is a great one, don't know why I never thought of that. And plus, this is the same fuckface that made the following post on June 21, 2004:

"Milk, Milk,
'Round the corner,
Chocolate's made."

He ain't no highbrow.

As for the evacuation, I'm in favor of it. Now I can watch CNN all day long as they cover this story with NO FACTS whatsoever. They've been talking to correspondents for an hour, and not a single one has one iota of info. Awesome. Comedy at its finest. CNN should just merge with Comedy Central for half the day and US Weekly for the other.

OK, back to work.

At 12:58 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

its been a while, but, i am pretty sure riding a bike is work, for me at least, what with all the pedaling and not falling

how bout that tony danza on the go cart, ace, u must really be busy at work since u didnt link to that clip, shame on u

At 1:42 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

As if CNN didn't have anything fluffier to report about, how about these two:

1) Yet another reason why the British are weird.

2) I love this headline: Satan no match for God, says pope. Good thing JP2 died when he did, otherwise we'd all be in the dark as to who is more powerful.

At 2:33 PM, Blogger jp said...

The Yankees won't even make the playoffs. Georgie boy's head will implode.

mark my words.

At 5:27 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

What the hell's wrong with LeBron? He couldn't find Master P to represent him?

And yeah, hating the Yankees is easy, but it still has to be done.


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