Tuesday, May 03, 2005

Morning News and Notes

I'm kickin' it old school, numbered-style:

1. Say what you will about Yankees play-by-play man Michael Kay, and most people do. Donnie's been trying to get me to attack Kay for years, but my defense of him so far, like Kush's dad's word, is stronger than oak. I mean, Kay certainly is a pompous douche, but he fills in the gaps well and knows his Yankees history better than 99 percent of the world at large.

Last night provided the perfect example of why we need someone like Kay in the booth. I'm a big fan of Bobby Murcer and Ken Singleton up there, but they're both color commentators and can't handle the game without a d-bag like Kay. Now, Singleton is the man, you won't get any complaints about him from Donnie or me (well, aside from being black of course). Murcer is, however, an Okie that barely speaks English. But he's such a beloved Yankee and makes some pretty good points from time to time that he gets a free pass. Regardless -- or irregardless as the kids say -- he's good for one of the following blips every game.

With the Yanks up 1-0 in the top of the fifth, with Devil Ray rookie Scott Kazmir mowing down Yanks, with all the negative stories surrounding the Bombers, with so much to talk about, Murcer decided to be a world class putz. Former Devil Ray-Rey Sanchez came up to lead off the inning, when Murcer throws down this antecedent-less non-sequitor:

"He's done it once as a Devil Ray. Can he do it again as a Yankee? (looong pause) Can Rey Sanchez hit an inside-the-park homerun?"

Wait, what? With all the possibilities that would lead to a fine discussion, Murcer took the time to wonder aloud whether the Yanks' back-up second baseman would hit a rare inside-the-park homer? That's priceless. The look on Singleton's face must have been one of complete amazement. He kinda stuttered and then responded, "Sure."

Sanchez proceded to pop up to right field, where rookie Damon Hollins making his big league debut in the field got his first fly ball EVER. Can of corn. But Hollins came in too far, made a Costanza-like puddle jump maneuver and completely missed it. God, I love baseball.

2. While we're talkin' Yanks, The Boss and Cashman decided to shuffle up the lineup to get the Boys rollin' in the right direction. Basically we're looking at Womack in left, Matsui in center, Bernabe to the bench and Robinson Cano to the majors to play second every day. I love these moves (well, except Randy may be going on the DL and Womack might not know anything about left field).

Either way, I like that Andy Phillips is getting good playing time at first and DH and Cano will be called up to get some action. Let's get younger. Some people are saying that Matsui's arm is a liability in center, but have you seen Bernie Williams throw a ball in from center? Seriously, I'd take Madonna's character All The Way Mae in A League of Their Own over this clown. So Matsui's quick release will be an upgrade there, don't listen to the idiots.

3. Did I mention anything about how cool baseball is yet? I turned on ESPN at 10:03 to see the Cincy Redlegs leading the Cardinals Ratzingers 9-3 in the top of the ninth. The bases were juiced, but there was already one out. Pujols then hit a taylor-made double play ball that The Mayor Sean Casey couldn't handle, making it 9-4 with two outs and runners on the corners instead of game over. And that's what makes baseball so amazing. The game should have been over, no question about it. Right there, over.

I called Mitchell VergerDartz III, the world's biggest fan of the oldest team in baseball. He still seemed confident in a Reds victory, as did I. Reggie Sanders then poked one through the hole to make it 9-5, which brought up mulletless Shawn Michaels look-a-like Jim Edmonds. Edmonds crushed one foul, and that gave us pause. A couple pitches later, Edmonds went deep and V-Dartz hung up on me when I cackled hysterically at his impending misfortune.

Mark Grudzsdhfshfqfk then banged one off Casey at first that caromed into the stands, putting the tying run on second base. Tying run? Nah, John Mabry don't need no tying run -- he belted a homerun to center. 10-9. Seven runs in the top of the ninth, the majority of which came with two outs. All in a span of about 10-15 minutes. I love this game, I live for this, whatever the slogan is, I agree. I agree with Marvin (random NU reference, sorry folks).

Incidentally, this is the type of game the 1998 Yankees would come back to win all the time. You just always felt like they could win any game. They were never out of it, no matter what the deficit. So, I make this prediction today: the Cards win 110 games and take home the World Series trophy. Mark those palabras.

4. A new study says ugly children get less attention from their parents. I don't know about the study, but if I have ugly kids, I'm not ignoring them. I'm beating them senseless.

5. Here's the story on the top of the Drude Report: Clinton announces initiative to combat childhood obesity. Here's the story right below it: Pa. Eatery Offers New 15-Pound Burger. Go to Drudge to see a picture of this monstrosity.

6. Photos from the Jazzfest SuperJam, where "Trey and his band welcomed several guests to the stage during their second set. Over the course of the evening, Trey and Co. were joined by Cyril Neville, Ivan Neville, David Grippo, Michael Ray, Sunpie Barnes, Dave Matthews and Mike Gordon for a spirited take on Sneakin' Sally, among others." Scroll down towards the bottom to see the Bad Lieutenant and Cactus in action...together again! More (better!) photos here.

7. Slack Google/Yahoo! Searches of the Day:

--The sound of slack when they fucked
--Grandmama fucking son
--Sodomizing (this is only notable because if you live in Brazil and type "sodomizing" into Google Brazil, Slack is the sixth link that comes up)
--Tit names
--Darryl Jenks

8. Finally, the Slack Song of the Day: Deep Banana Blackout's Get'chall, from 6/17/01, Louisville Motor Speedway. Watch out, y'all, this shit be funky.


At 11:49 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Yes, baseball is by far the best sport in this country (I won't say world because all of the soccer/futbol fans will lynch me) hands down. Although I am the Bert to Ace's Ernie, being a Sox fan, I can honestly say that I would watch any team play at any time, including the Yanks. And I also have to agree that the shaking up of the lineups was a fantastic idea.

Now, if only the Orioles would return to true form and start sucking, I'd be a much happier guy.

At 11:58 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, I enjoy watching Brewers v. Nationals just as much as anything. Sorry Lukas and other Milwaukee folk, didn't mean to dog the Brew Crew there.

Anyone see that Ichiro catch at the wall last night? UNREAL.

At 2:06 PM, Blogger ethan said...

just to give some more love to my favorite sport - are you all enjoying the 2-3 D-1 games that espn is airing each week? plus i get FSN mountain zone, so there's a fair number of WAC, PAC-10, and Mountain West games on. good times.

as for the yankee shuffle - i don't mind the shake up, but get tony womack the fuck out of the outfield/lineup. i rue the day they let dellucci go as their 5th OF. matsui is fine in center, but they need to go get someone like dusthan mohr or one-time yanks shane spencer or (even) curtis pride (currently posting an OPS of ~1.175 in admittedly offensively inflating pacific league (AAA)). i'm not confident in putting crosby out there full time, but tony womack and his .320 SLG in a corner outfield spot has me wretching in the litter box.

also, ace you know i've been touting andy (capp) phillips for months now, but that 0-5 with 5 punchouts yesterday was, shall we say, icky. im still backing him to platoon with tino at first and benching giambi and his eckstein-esque power production.

At 2:10 PM, Blogger jp said...

How bad has it gotten in NY for you guys to be EXCITED to see Robinson Cano (who?) and Matsui move to center? This is ha-freakin-larious. Looks like Georgie boy's deal with the devil expired in early October 2004. Any truth to the rumor that Johnson injured his groing tending to the "big unit?"

At 2:33 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Ethan, the college games have been a pleasant addition to the ESPN lineup, but I'm still weirded out by the *ping*. How bout the Oklahoma coach's comments last week?! Classic stuff.

I'm big on Andy Phillips, even though he has sucked it up of late. I saw him rip one the other way the other day and I was more than impressed. Let's. Get. Younger.

JP, things aren't all that bad in NY...I mean, we're only a couple games back of where we were at this point last year. No reason to panic. You're a Sawx fan, I take it...how'd you feel about last night's loss to the Tigers (aka the Ligers) -- bases loaded nobody out with Trawt Nixon, Manny and Papi comin' up and no runs. Man, that Jeremy Bonderman is awesome, huh?!

At 2:49 PM, Blogger ahren said...

they have a 10 lb. burger at this place in downtown vegas. it's free if you finish it, or like $25 otherwise. i haven't tried it yet, cuz i'm a pussy... but someday...

At 3:20 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I can barely finish a quarter-pounder. I'm not even kidding.

I'm the world's fattest anorexic. True story.


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