Monday, May 09, 2005

Paul Wilson Sucks

One of the cooler parts to my jaunt to Da Natti was a trip to the Great American Ballpark on Friday night to see the Red-legs take on the Dodgers. What an awesome fucking stadium, this is a must-see venue on any tour of Midwestern ballparks.

Firstly, you look out onto the Ohio River and at scenic Northern Kentucky. It really is a gorgeous view, beats the shit out of what's behind the facade at Yankee Stadium. But also, since it's a new place, the place is spotless and the staff is friendly. The amenities are top notch and the food selection is seemingly endless. Plus, for the parents out there, the park even has an area for kids to play various games (timing how fast they run from home to first, measuring the speed of their pitches, simulating a real-life at-bat, etc).

We got to the stadium on time for a 7:05 game, but we had to buy some tickets at the box office (the $5 seats were sold out and we had to buy the $12s). Being Friday night, the lines were long and it took us about 10 minutes to purchase the ducats. Once inside, about 15 minutes after the game started, we looked at the gorgeous field to see a Dodger on third base.

Then we looked at the scoreboard and noticed that the hometown Reds were down 7-0. In the first inning. With only one out.

By the time we got to our seats, the Dread Pirate Roberts (aka Jeff Kent) had doubled in the three runners on base, and the hometown Reds were down 10-0. Yes, 10-0, before we got to our seats. The saving grace of the evening turned out to be Brad Penny taking a no-hitter into the 7th inning. So at least we had that going for us, which was nice.

The one real positive was the fact that it seemed to be Teen Trailer Trash Night at the GAB, where any girl under 18 from either Cincinnati or No. Kentucky sporting a bare midriff and chewing lots of gum got in free. At least half the crowd fit this description. Hey, I wasn't really complaining.

Another note: kids are fuckin' jaded these days. When Ken Griffey Jr. couldn't get to a ball hit waaay over his head, an unruly group of teens started screaming curses at him. When he struck out later in the game, a little kid that couldn't have been older than 5 years old started audibly complaining about Griffey's $10-million contract.

Man, when I was a kid I whined a bit, but whatever happened to hero worship through the good and bad? We whined because we were disappointed about the outcome, right? If my five-year-old knows the names Scott Boras or Drew Rosenhaus or starts whimpering about how much money the ballplayers make, remind me to beat him Kobra Kai-style with no mercy and then kill myself.

I guess the real bright spot was seeing a team in action the Yankees could annihilate. The Reds are in trouble this season. They've got talent, but no arms and no heart. Trouble.


At 1:01 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

I have to agree with the review of the Ballpark that is both Great and American. Fortunately for me though, when I was there, it was Miami of OH night and there were tons and tons of coeds sporting bare midriffs. Made for fantastic scenery. The food was great, the staff was super-friendly, and Nomar made a few errors and popped out to the first baseman on the first pitch three times.

The only thing that does suck about that park is that it takes 3.2 days to get to your seat if you are sitting anywhere above the first level. You either have to take a ramp that winds around about 40 times or you have to take stairs that are 6 feet wide up 12 flights with 5,000 other people.

Oh, and the stupid noises the music/stadium sound guy makes when there's a foul ball is well beyond gay.

Did you get to check out the bar in the stadium? It was packed when we were there, but you get good views of the field if you can push your way to a window. It's pretty cool.

At 1:08 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, the Machine Room? A great name for a bar in the Reds' home park. Since the game was out of hand before we even got there, we did a tremendous amount of walking and checked everything out.

One note I left out -- I got some Dippin' Dots, the ice cream of the future, but I was glad to see they had Olerud-style mini-helmet sundaes.

At 3:09 PM, Blogger Jacob Eli said...

I myself visited a couple of fabulous ballparks in the past few days, these ones on the Left Coast, so I thought it just I share my reviews as well:

Dodger Stadium really impressed me, even with all of those new McCourt-advertisements on the walls that made it feel a bit like a minor-league facility. The stadium was built in the dead area for new stadiums after the Fenways and Wrigleys but before the Camden Revolution, but it is far and away the best of these 60's-style stadiums that I've seen. Beautiful field, beautiful views of the valley and beautiful day for a game, even though there was none. Let's play two.

On Saturday, ChuckB and I headed out for each of our innagural PacBell experiences, and I must say, God damn! First, sucks to SBC and pay a boatload for naming rights only to never have their stadium referred to that way. Second, this stadium is the nicest of the newbies I've seen and although I haven't seen Citizen's Bank, the BOB or Coors (I've seen Great American but not for a game), I think I can safely say this is the best of the post-Camdens (Camden included). Besides for the fact that every seat is sunny and has an amazing view, both of the entire field and of McCovey Cove beyond, the best part of il stadio is the fact that there literally isn't one place in the concourse where you can't see the entire field. Not sure how they built it this way, but whether you're in line for a Pabst or the delicious beer-soaked Garlic Fries, you can see everything going down on the field. In our case, that was a lot of hits off of suddenly mediocre Jason Schmidt and back to reality John Patterson.

PacBell is a must-stop on any baseball fan's trip to the West (not Best) Coast.

At 3:13 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Wait, the bar at GAB is called the Machine Room? That's a name for a gay joint if I've ever heard one.

Gay team = gay bar.

At 3:20 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Machine Room = Big Red Machine. Makes sense. Gay bar? Really? Cockstroker Lounge sounds like a gay bar, Machine Room sounds more like a geek bar.

Jake, nice reviews...a buddy of mine has been out to PacBell and came back reporting the same thing -- coolest place ever. I gotta get out there to see a game (and Chuck B, too).

At 3:36 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Love the reviews. I, myself, will be attending the Sox/Phillies series at Citizens Bank park in June, Giants/D-backs at Pac Bell/SBC in June as well as Giants/A's the next day in Oakland. I will be sure to write up a full report of Citizens Bank Park when I get back. Since I use Citizens Bank, I'm trying to get "preferred" treatment, but so far I can't get past the automated lady on the 800 line. We'll see how that goes.

Hopefully Bonds' robotic leg will be done by then and I'll be able to throw something at his large head. Goddamn I hate him and his family, tired or not.

At 8:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Can someone please explain the premise behind "wilson sucks" to me.


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