Tuesday, May 17, 2005

Planes and Pitchers and More

"We're flying high above a Florida runway, and we're all about to die."

I just watched a fairly ridiculous situation unfold. We had an internal feed here of a small private plane in Florida that couldn't get its landing gear in place. The back wheels wouldn't lock down and the pilot had to circle over a runway for about 45 minutes while trying to figure out what to do.

He came in for an attempted landing once, only to pull up before the runway while the plane shook and rattled. The plane circled again and stayed up in the air for awhile when the copter shooting the video lost it in the clouds for a little while. Several minutes later the copter found the plane as it came back into the picture, straightened out its landing gear and approached the runway. Finally it safely hit the ground as the newsroom here clapped.

What I always find so amazing and incredibly compelling about these situations is that one second everything's fine, the next second your life is in grave danger (is there any other kind?). These people went from cracking jokes or making out with monkeys or shitting in the seat pocket in front of them to fearing for their lives the second the pilot gave an audible "Ah crap, I'm stuck in the stairs."

These, my friends, are the "live every second of your life like you mean it" reminders. Yet by 6 pm when it's time to leave I'll probably complain about being tired and plop down on my couch all night. La Vida Ace.

Planes aside, I heard a great statistic last night: The Yankums and Mets have identical records at 20-19, the latest in the season the two New York teams have had matching records. Cool beans.

But something important came out of last night's Yankee victory. It's more important than our nine-game winning streak, more important than Bernabe's grand slam, more important than the Taiwanese Terror pitching six very strong innings and looking like a legit starter, more important than a late-inning barrage, more important than our bullpen coming out sharp and throwing darts.

No, the most important thing was the addition of the latest giggle-inducing penile pitching match-up: Wang v. Putz. Giggitty, giggity, gi-gi-tty (G. Quagmire, 1999-present).

In blog hit count news, Slack's still getting a ton of hits from people searching for "Alicia Machado sex scandal" or "Bobby Abreu's fiance." But here are some of the other more popular Google and Yahoo! searches we've seen from the past 24 hours:

1. Saggy boobs
2. Suck your boob
3. Slutty nurse
4. Jazzercise videos
5. 70 Volt Parade heroin
6. Trey Anastasio heroin habit
7. Kin Korn Karn
8. Freddy Got Fingered soundboards
9. Happy slapping bus stop fire
10. Family Guy, too soon?

Slack Song of the Day: Today we're kickin' it old school with the Spin Doctors...here's the always awesome Two Princes from Jones Beach on July 12, 1992.

And just because I'm on a huge Umphrey's McGee kick right now (I've been listening to their set from the Jammys with Huey Lewis, Mavis Staples and Sinead O'Connor non-stop), today's runner up is UM covering Baba O'Riley at the Langerado Music Festival in March.

Happy 42nd Birthday Page McConnell.


At 10:53 AM, Blogger hoobs said...

i can't imagine a death worse than being in an airplane crash...no control, imminent death, possible extreme pain (band name), etc. i also think the title of worst job ever goes to air traffic controllers. i would have a permanent log of doody in the seat of my pants with that job.

At 11:47 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Ladies and gentleman, fresh off the release of their new album "Permanent Log of Doody," please welcome, from Ann Arbor Michigan, Possible Extreme Pain. [Crowd roars]

At 1:28 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

look, ace, you're semi in the journalism game: what's the deal with the newsweek thing? cause it reeks of some bad goings on. i'm pretty confident the US interrogators were doing things like flushing a koran down the shitter. so did the white house just make newsweek retract b/c of the negative PR? if so, that's bad. that's no gouda. and where is phil mustard?

At 2:21 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Semi? the only semi around here is the half-chub I'm sprouting under my desk.

I think this conspiracy thing is overrated...I'm sure an idiot reporter mixed shit up and it caused mucho harm. But to think the President had anything to do with them retracting the story...eh, I just don't see it really.

I'll say this: If Newsweek gets ANY sort of exclusive story on anything involving the administration, on this story or otherwise, then I think there's something fishy ala Fulton Street. But I doubt it's that crazy.

For the last word on the Newsweek story, I think JRH's blog made a fucking GREAT point about hypocrisy:


At 3:23 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

Thanks for the link, but I can't really take much credit, pointing out hypocrisy in this administration is really kinda easy. From the closeted gay anti gay rights activists to the sanctity of marraige adulterers to the support the troops stickers while we neglect to send them armor. It's really kind of sad.

At 4:35 PM, Blogger ethan said...

i was on a shuttle from boston to la guardia in college when that landing gear shit happened. we were about to land, maybe 50 feet off the ground, and took off to circle. the co-pilot came down the aisle to go check on the landing gear, and the crew was very calm. i wasn't really freaked out because they seemed to have the shit under control. we circled again and landed, and then as we de-boarded i noticed 10-15 fire trucks and ambulances on the runway. now if they would've announced THAT over the loudspeaker, i would've been soliciting the flight attendants for last chance mile high club entrance...

At 10:30 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

FYI - I just read this and the comments 20 minutes before boarding not one but two planes. The only thing that would have been better is an announcement that the terror level was raised to purple.

I never get nervous when flying, but it was one of those C&C Music Factory moments, making me go "hhmmmmmm":

At 8:59 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Sorry Matty, didn't mean to get you all worked up...I didn't see any crashes last night so I'm assuming you're okay, unless you freaked out and hit a stewardess, in which case, I applaud you.

Ethan, I'm pretty sure the blonde one named Tim woulda taken you up on that last chance offer.

At 9:04 AM, Blogger The Ambiguously Gay Uno said...

You NU people are a bunch of sick, sick bastards. What a bunch of losers, getting off to library books...


Oh, and it looks like the journalism program really went downhill after the departure of you folks... this article appears to be written in a language other than english.

At 9:29 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

That's awesome...I remember doing that in college. Wait.

How come you're reading the Daily Northwestern?

At 10:25 PM, Blogger ethan said...

ace, i took care of tim on takeoff. i was thinking more along the lines of the bald one, rico.

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