Wednesday, May 25, 2005

We're Not Gonna Take It

"Big ups" to Paul Quantrill, or whatever the devil it is you kids say to congratulate someone on a job well done. I'd guess that nine of every 10 Yankee fans strongly dislike last year's Quantrill signing, since he's done absolutely nothing to help the team in the year-plus he's wasted space on our bench. But after last night, it's hard not to want to jump into his open arms and smooch him right on the mouth.

After Tigers reliever Franklyn German -- seen here playing the role of "Nighttime in a White Uniform" -- plunked a red-hot Alex Rodriguez in the thigh fat, I didn't think for a second we'd respond in kind. Not once this year have the Yankums shown true grit and drilled an opposing player in a tit-for-tat situation. Until last night, that is.

Quantrill came in the 8th to relieve the Spectacular Moose. He allowed two men to reach base, but after a nice double play turn he realized he had some leeway to play around a little bit. So he threw behind hitter Jason Smith. Allright, I'll take that. The umpire warned both teams and I thought the spat was done. Next pitch: right between the shoulder blades. Awesome.

Not only did Quantrill drill Smith on the first pitch following his warning, but then he took a few steps towards the dugout and made a Don Flamenco "C'mon, c'mon, c'mon" gesture. He was later quoted as saying, "If they want to come out on the field and chirp, then just come out to the mound. When guys get wild when our guys are having a fantastic day at the plate, that leads to tension. The guy pitching for the Tigers, whatever his name is, it must have been the rain, the ball was slippery."

Whatever his name is...That's just salt > wounds. Fucking Quantrill, way to go, brotha. That goes a long way in my book.

Meanwhile, A-Rod bashed another two homers last night, both hit hard to right center. That gives him a career average of 1.000 against Tigers' hurler Wil Ledezma: A-Rod is now 4-4 with four homeruns and a walk in five career plate appearances against the Detroit scrub. That's, um, pretty good.

Eerie (Indiana) Story of the Day: For all you folks that think blogging is meaningless, here's a pretty chilling, yet must-read story from Noonan's blog about a kid whose final post solved his eventual murder (he was slain minutes after posting his sister's former boyfirend was in the house).

Slack Song of the Day: The Disco Biscuits playing Jamillia at the El Rio Theatre in Santa Cruz, California on March 7, 2002. These guys were the absolute highlight of NU's Dillo Day my freshman year (our Spring Fling-type extravaganza), when Donnie, two other dudes and I ate some serious boomers and ran into a guy that must have been eight feet tall and 500 pounds. No joke, the guy put two-handed dunker Evan Eschmeyer to shame.


At 10:57 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

What's the moral of this story?

Don't skip Japanese class, ever. Unless you want to die.

At 11:27 AM, Blogger jp said...

Paul Quantrill is a pussy, not as big of a pussy as A-Rod, but a pussy nonetheless. He better work out a bit before he goes popping off.

At 11:36 AM, Blogger ethan said...

jp - please tell me you are not a sox fan. if you are, here's two words for you: bronson arroyo.

At 11:38 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Of course he is Ethan, you haven't noticed that he only posts around here when I mention the Yankees?

I really love Sawx fans...they give me hours of enjoyment. To quote Homer J, "They're the suckiest bunch of sucks that ever sucked." Classless buffoons.

Hey, isn't it Brandon Arroyo? I get all my news from Timmy McCarver.

At 11:42 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Easy now. Let's not go crazy and start ripping on Sox fans when one of them opens his mouth for no reason. Quantrill is a former member of the Sox and gave up many a homerun for us in his day.

He also helped us in the playoffs last year.

At 12:20 PM, Blogger ethan said...

ace i forgot to mention - great title. my favorite song back in first grade. does dee snider still have a radio show on LI?

At 12:22 PM, Anonymous eric said...

I don't understand the Arroyo reference. Way I see it, he hit A-rod on purpose, which led to Varitek's fash-wash (yes, he kept his mask on, which may have been a pussy move), which led to brawl> Ferris Mueller's GM HR > team gets fired up > trades Nose-mar > playoffs > WS title. In other words, the fight, instigated by a skinny cornrowed (at the time) white boy leads to the Sox winning it all. Hence, he's on my fantasy team.

At 12:56 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I might have mentioned this before, but I have a picture on my desk of me, Dee Snider, Alice Cooper and my boss' assistant. Crop her out of there and it's the best picture I have (even better than when Steve Austin put me in the Stone Cold Stunner for a pic in 1998). Yeah, he still has a syndicated radio show, that's how I met him actually.

Good reminder, Eric...Varitek keeping his mask on was the ultimate "pussy" move, if that's what we're talking about here. Who keeps their mask on during a fight? That's really uncouth.

Maybe if we brawl again this year, two guys can team up on Sturtzey again. That was real cool. Sturtze and Pavano vs. Manny and Papi, that I'd pay to see.

At 1:14 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

god i love yankee fans

he kept his mask on cause he thought gayrod was gonna kiss him on the mouth, fags

anywho, thats not my reason for commenting, i was ready to give u a kudos bar ace, for the don flamenco reference, but, now, i just dont know if u deserve it.

stone cold put u in the stunner for a pic?? and why isnt that your icon on blogger again????

At 1:32 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Um, I believe Sturtze hit Kapler from behind for no reason, he deserved to be brow beaten by two people.

At 1:52 PM, Blogger ethan said...

the arroyo ref is in response to a sox fan saying that quantrill needs to hit the weights before plunking batters. arroyo, sans cornrows, weighs roughly 83 pounds. which is about 15 more than the ultimate little guy beanballer, former sock pedro.

that's all it was. it had nothing to do with the arod fight or anything else.

At 2:33 PM, Anonymous eric said...

I still say the fight was the catalyst for the Sox turnaround. And A-Rod is definitely a pussy. Also, on a related note, every time Berman says "Sawx" on ESPN, he sounds like a Long Island d-bag. I'm sick of him.

At 2:34 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

You forgot to add that with the goofy and ugly Layne Stayley/Jim "The Anvil" Neidhart goatee, Arroyo weighs approximately 85 pounds.

The corn row thing never happened. You hear me? IT NEVER HAPPENED!

At 2:36 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Screw the Sawx/Yanks fan fight we got goin' on Slack...Thanks to poophop for praising the Don Flamenco reference. I usually don't go searching for compliments, but I appreciate that one. I love Don Flamenco. Big time.

And yes, I do have a picture from the summer of 1998 in which Stone Cold has me in the Stunner (and the look on my face is priceless). I take back the Dee Snider/Alice Cooper thing, this is clearly my coolest pic ever.

At 3:31 PM, Blogger jp said...

Ethan (and all other Yankee fans) here's three words for you...


At 4:58 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I won't rise to that bait...except maybe I will.

But I do love Sawx fans...choke for almost a century and it's washed away by one World Series win. Choke once in your history, albeit a big one, and it's daily fodder for the nitwits.

I'd much rather be clutch forever and pull off that big a choke than to be considered a bunch of serial choke artists in perpetuity.

At 5:04 PM, Blogger The Ambiguously Gay Uno said...

Oh snap! You just got served.

At 5:07 PM, Blogger ethan said...

here's the thing though, jp. that's not what we were talking about at all. you made a dumb statement, i pointed out the hypocrisy in it. that's it, case closed.

for all you know i could be a brewers fan. nothing i said had anything to do with the yanks-sox rivalry.

but enough about that. love the reference, but don flamenco was a glorified glass joe. piston honda woulda taken him in 2 rounds easy.

At 6:00 PM, Blogger jp said...




Nothing matters but that. ONE team in the HISTORY of MLB has lost a best of 7 series after leading 3-0. One. Nobody else.

At 6:15 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

I'm a Sox fan, through and through. But I'm with Ethan on this one.

Whatever it is, the choke, the one world series win, the 26 wins, anything, it's in the past. The "curse" or whatever it is is off our backs, now we can move on and look to the future. One win meant a lot to us, but not much to anyone else, so we can't expect anyone else to feel the same way we do.

At 9:06 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yanks/Sawx, Religion and Politics -- the three subjects that are guaranteed to get more than 20 comments.


At 9:58 AM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Don Flamenco drastically improved on his second go round though, and would have defeated either incarnation of Piston. Don2 used the rope-a-dope, letting opponents punch themselves out, and then laying into them with a surprisingly powerful body blow/uppercut combo.

Don2 was also a "bribe the ref" Punch-Out! opponent. You needed to accumulate more points than normal to win by decision, and since he limited your punching opportunities it was genuinely hard to do.

By the way, if anyone is really bored and has an old nintendo sitting around, it just occurred to me that the code to Mike Tyson is 007-373-5963. You can use it to watch Mike Tyson beat the crap out of a guy that's only slightly larger than Brandon Arroyo.

At 10:41 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I agree, Paul, although I never had too big a problem with the second Don Flamenco...I did, however, take issue with his brashness and incessant chirping in between rounds. From the others I could take it, but Donnie got me riled up.

Of all the guys who you see twice, who do you think is the toughest? I always thought the second coming of Bald Bull was the toughest because you needed a star, and sometimes you just didn't have one.

Second Piston Honda was annoying, but his eyebrows just give him away.

At 10:59 AM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

You could get Piston2 on his "charge forward and hit you six times in rapid succession" move and KO him if you timed it right, so not too much of a problem there, plus if you could go the distance against hime you always won. Bull was tough, definitely the toughest.

You needed those stars or you had no chance. It is very difficult to win that match by decision too. Flamenco is mainly annoying with his rose and rope-a-dope and his dancing and "meh meh meh" taunting.

If you think about it, that game has a lot of weird crap going on. Isn't Great Tiger offensive to someone?

In fact, isn't there a weird nationalism thing going on in general? Soda Pop is Russian, I beleive. Bull from Turkey, Piston from Japan, Tiger from insert west asian country here, Flamenco the gay spaniard, von Kaiser the evil German? And what's up with the "trunks" on Soda Pop and Macho Man, if you know what I mean?


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