Tuesday, June 14, 2005

Next Stop: Live 8?

As we posted yesterday, Pink Floyd will re-unite for the first time since 1981 to play the London leg of the Live-8 show.

Now comes word that another major artist may be added to either the Philadelphia or London roster of stars: Michael Jackson. Fresh off his 14-week child molestation trial that you just might have heard about, Live-8 promoter Harvey Goldsmith said he would consider adding the Gloved One to the July 2nd event.

If Jackson does sign up and the organizers sign off, I’d recommend the London gig in lieu of Philly. Citizens of Philadelphia have loudly booed Santa Claus, hometown hero and legend Mike Schmidt and pre-rape Kobe, they cheered Michael Irvin’s devasting injury and they threw batteries at J.D. Drew.

Something tells me the King of Pop should stay away from Philly.

(Meanwhile, perhaps my favorite part of the verdict yesterday is the fact that even Arab news channels Al-Jazeera and Al-Arabiya broke from their regular programming to bring their viewers the verdict. And I just saw on CNN that a woman down at the courthouse released one white dove for every "not guilty" verdict! Damn, I love people!)

Slack Song of the Day: I think my Blogging License would be revoked -- like a South African diplomat's -- if I didn't make today's choice an MJ tune. So here's Robert Randolph and the Family Band with a dynamite cover of Billie Jean from 2/28/04 at the Michigan Theater in good ol' A-Squared. I think Randolph's BJ cover has been a Slack Song of the Day in the past, but I couldn't give a shit what you peons think. Yeah, you heard me, bitches.


At 10:59 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

There's nothing like the slide guitar to replace MJ's words. Robert Randolph is a genius. So is MJ: a modern day equivalent to Willa Wonka, although he likes to explore other chocolate factories.

At 11:28 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

"although he likes to explore other chocolate factories."

"Hysterical, hilarious, good stuff...I laughed til I cried!" --Ace Cowboy, Washington Times

At 11:38 AM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

I like that you chose the MJ song containing the lyric, "And mama always told me be careful what you do, don't go around breaking young
girls' hearts." Advice taken a little too literally? Mama had nuthin' to say bout young boys?

At 11:58 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

After the little girls hearts advice, he looked at the man in the mirror and changed his ways.

Again, taken too literally.


At 12:05 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Hey, now we know why he's a smooth criminal. The lube!

"So They Came Into The
It Was Sunday-What A Black

At 12:15 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...


At 12:21 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

We always knew that by "beat it" he didn't mean scram. Ahhh, boooh. I booh myself.

At 12:22 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Thats Swahili for "Hey little boy, want some candy and maybe a ride on the ferris wheel? Come on and jump into my windowless van and don't mind the sparkly glove"

Well done Jason.

At 12:57 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Actually, metaphorically it can be translated as "candy", literally it's closer to "Skittles". I have an MA in Swahili, though I think I just spelled it wrong.

At 1:06 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

All this talk reminds me of a great joke: What has 150 legs and no pubes?

Answer: The front row of a Dave Matthews concert.

Ahhh, I love that joke. Heady Phish, brah.

At 1:13 PM, Blogger hoobs said...

other useful swahili phrases:
jambo: hello
pole pole: slow down
sejuie kiswahili: i don't speak swahili.
hatu itaji: we don't want any.

At 2:52 PM, Anonymous okaycantor said...

take it easy with the philly insults. santa was drunk and schmitty was an anti-semite. don't fall for the propaganda

At 4:56 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Schmidt actually came to my Passover dinner once in the late 80s*. So I don't buy your argument, bud.

*Not true at all

At 6:08 PM, Anonymous okaycantor said...

hows a " i don't sign autographs for jews" quote out of schmitty to my cousin after coming off the golf course for ya*?

* Actually did happen

At 11:22 PM, Anonymous HANDSTAND said...

Maybe this will be the pinnacle of MJ's bizarreness. Maybe from tomorrow forward, he starts turning black again, hitting on attractive women his own age and writing badass dance party songs. The pinacle will be a 10 night run at MSG in Fall of 2011 where the tickets are the hardest tickets ever in the history of live music, but the shows are the best concerts ever to take place.

Or tomorrow he'll run into a nursery school on his way home to Neverland and jerk off the first kid he sees.


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