Friday, June 03, 2005

Random Facts...About Vin Diesel

Click on this Random Vin Diesel Fact Generator for some serious laughs. Here are the last five facts I just received:

Vin Diesel did all the makeup for the Planet of the Apes movies.

When asked about the secret to the Universe, Vin Diesel replied, "42, fool!"

Diesel writes crime novels under the assumed name Ian Rankin. The real Ian Rankin is a male prostitute whom Vin cured of Syphilis with his magic touch.

When Vin Diesel told the Microsoft Word paper clip to go away, it never came back.

Vin Diesel invented the first fortune cookie. The lucky numbers all corresponded to the years that the New York Rangers would win the Stanley Cup.

Feel free to post some better ones in the comments section, like this one: "Vin Diesel found Carmen Sandiego in a whorehouse doing lines of coke off of a compact mirror."

22 Comments:

At 2:30 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Vin Diesel once ran so fast that he turned into butter, which now bestows eternal life on all who consume it.

 
At 2:40 PM, Blogger Slack LaLane said...

When Vin Diesel cuts onions, it rains.

 
At 2:59 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

This one time, at band camp, Vin Diesel...well, I can't say anymore, but it involved a Timpani.

 
At 3:15 PM, Blogger Jacob Eli said...

Jon Fishman asked Vin Diesel to join Phish in the summer of 2004, hoping that he would make Trey Anastasio change his mind about Phish's impending break-up. Fishman wanted Vin Diesel to play tambourine, but Vin Diesel declined, saying that he would only appear on stage if he could kill a random audience member with his bare hands each night.

Believe it or not, I didn't make that one up, it was from the fact generator. This thing rules!

 
At 3:18 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

When Vin Diesel eats Rice Krispies, they remain eerily quiet.

 
At 3:20 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Vin Diesel only went through Groundhog Day once.

 
At 3:23 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Jake, you're serious about that, are you? Well, I did grab this thing off the PT board...

I love this thing. That Rice Krispies one is hysterical.

 
At 3:37 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Thanks. That one was original. This is my favorite from the generator so far:

Vin Diesel has never kneeled before Zod.

 
At 3:45 PM, Blogger Jacob Eli said...

Yes Ace, I'm as serious as Vin Deisel is homosexual...

 
At 4:01 PM, Blogger Teddy said...

Upon learning that he was dyslexic, Vin Diesel reversed the axis of the Earth to make himself normal and give the rest of the world dyslexia.

 
At 4:08 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Vin Diesel once had cancer, but drank a glass of Sprite and burped it out.

 
At 4:10 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vin Diesel's kidney stones made up the members of "Wham!"

 
At 4:31 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Vin Diesel invented menstruation by punching Eve in the stomach.

 
At 4:34 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Are we at the point where we're just making these up or are some of these real?

Vin Diesel once trick or treated as Bernard Shaw's nubian moustache.

 
At 6:40 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vin Diesel only bruises three things: apples, peaches, and bitches.

 
At 7:19 PM, Blogger jp said...

Vin Diesel has always been able to find Waldo, except for one time. He found himself stumped on the last page of Where's Waldo Now?, not being able to find the Waldo without a shoe. He threw the book down and screamed, "This is BULLSHIT!" They're all wearing shoes." He then proceeded to eat the book and exclaim, "IF I CAN'T FIND WALDO, THEN NO ONE CAN!" The book he ate belonged to a child that he had borrowed it from. The child began to cry and Vin ate him for good measure. The incident has since been refered to as Christmas.

 
At 7:21 PM, Blogger jp said...

Beautemus...simply beautemus....

Vin Diesel has agreed to star in Britain's National Theatre's new production of Hamlet if they allow him to have sole creative control and cut through all "that whiny bullshit". His version will consist of one line of dialogue. While restraining uncle Claudius in a headlock, Hamlet growls, "You should have ghosted me when you had the chance, motherfucker!" He then disembowels all the male characters with his thumbs. In the next scene, he steals inside Gertrude's bedroom and skullfucks mother in her sleep. Finally, he fleshes out the rest of the play by giving Ophelia a four and a half hour orgasm that lasts till the end of Act V. The rest is silence

 
At 8:49 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Vin Diesel use to be part of tight knit gang of bank robbers/surfers out in California known as "The Dead Presidents". The rest of the gang is dead, and Vin Diesel has sworn revenge against the FBI agent responsible for the gangs demise, Jonny Utah.

 
At 12:50 AM, Blogger Justin said...

Verne Troyer is the result of someone feeding Vin Disel after midnight.

The most hilarious one ever...

 
At 7:43 AM, Blogger the one said...

vin disel can smell what the rock is cooking!

 
At 7:47 AM, Blogger the one said...

when normal people gat hungry they go to their frige when vin disel gets hungry he goes to a orphnage

 
At 7:42 AM, Blogger the one said...

one time a luttle boy told vin disel a vin disel joke 1 year and 3 months ago there still finding peices of him!

 

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