Monday, June 06, 2005

"Youze Got Hoagies?"

Still available: ground floor positioning for this one-of-a-kind phrase. Space is filling fast, but it can still take on some late comers. Hey, youze got hoagies?

Handstand the Younger and the Three-Jerk Tour started it all. Well, someone's mother gave birth to the phrase, but we won't get into origins, lest we piss some friends off. Donnie, Bart Starbux and Handstand took a small trip to three East Coast ballparks a few weeks back, and these jerks yelled that very question at the people of Baltimore. They yelled it at the people of Washington. They even did so in Philadelphia, asking the people if they'z got hoagies, although those folks just answered "yes" or "no" to an everyday question. "Yeah, we'z got hoagies, why you ask?"

This weekend Donnie and I brought the phenomenon to New Jersey while unwinding at the home of Kenny and Denny Alias. The states of Maryland, Pennsylvania, New York, New Jersey, and also our nation's capital are's only a matter of time before all 49 states in the Union pick up "Youze got Hoagies" and run with it (I don't count Florida since I'm in the process of trying to cede it back to Spain) .

Wanna get in early? Just put on your best Philly/South Jersey accent, meaning you must work on your long O's (long as in '' whoa" -- hoame, hooaagies, phoane), approach someone like you have an important question and ask "Hey, youze got hoagies?" Here's the trick, though: If the answer is negative, you must respond with, "Jase...get Billy a hoagie." Otherwise, it's not official. No, sir.

You might be asking what the hell I'm talking about. But get in now, because you'll thank me when someone uses it at the Oscars and you can say to your loved one, "I used to say that before it was cool. Now go get me a hoagie, you fat fuck."

Praise of the Day: Much thanks to The Alias Brothers for their wonderful hospitality in Jersey this weekend. Ain't nuthin' quite like sitting on a lake or a deck for 24 hours with good people, no agenda, col' beer and some doje. F the Gundlachs. F the Stealies.

Slack Song of the Day: Let's go back to the 2/10 Tsunami Benefit at the Roseland and listen to Treymoe.deski perform a perfect version of Zappa's Peaches en Regalia. Yahtzee!

Link of the Day: Andy Dick playing Dubya's speechwriter, the guy who comes up with all his bumbling phrases like "gotta put food on your family" (not included: Youze got hoagies).

Penile Picture of the Day: You wanna know what Michael Jackson's organ looks like? Well, apparently here's a sketch.


At 10:48 AM, Blogger Wooglin said...

Glad you had a good time Ace. By the way how did you find that stealie pic? Did you type "stealie" into google images and get a ass-load of stealies from which to choose? If so, then its probably because all those people grew up in Green Pond with the Alias brothers.

At 10:54 AM, Blogger John Howard said...

But I don't speak Spanish. Do I have to move?

At 11:19 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Actually, typing "Stealies" into Google Images only produces one stealy. So apparently the people of Green Pond are MUCH more stealy-oriented than the American public.

Any time I say "American public" it reminds me of a great exchange from the Ticket to New Year's GD are asking the band questions, when Jerry has a hilarious response to one:

Fan: Phil, I wanna know yhy is the American public so dumb?

JG: Why would Phil know?

So let's take a vote -- who has either called a Steal Your Face/Dead logo a "Stealy," who has heard of the term, and who is clueless about both?

I, for one, am in the third camp.

At 11:36 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

I am in the third camp as well. Does the fact that I was at Haight Ashbury on Saturday or at the Dead's old house count for anything?

Great special on the Dead last night on PBS.

At 1:09 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

I don't have any idea what you're talking about.

At 1:36 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

At all?

At 4:31 PM, Blogger Wooglin said...

Put "stealie" into Yahoo image search and feast your eyes on the various images of the grateful deal logo...

At 2:56 PM, Blogger John Howard said...

At all.


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