Wednesday, July 20, 2005

Afternoon Links By Numbers

Allright, Slackers, it's been a busy day. But over the course of the day I've come across some must-read stories, and this is your homework (gold stars to be given out upon request):

1. If you want to read a pretty powerful story on the Sneaker Wars, look no further than our favorite reporter's latest piece on Nike and high school phenom Kevin Love. I'm not just saying this because he's a buddy of mine, but this is honestly one of the best articles I've read on any of the mainstream sports website all year.

Read the whole article, but this is the essence: "'You shouldn't be restricted by a shoe company at 16,' Stan Love said of his son." Seriously, this is required reading.

2. Then there's fellow blogger Paul Noonan's anticipatory look at the Senate confirmation hearings for the president's choice to replace Sandra Day O'Connor, the Dread Pirate Justice Roberts (via the transitive property, does this mean Jeff Kent will be moving to the bench?). Noonan pulled out all the stops, throwing together a hilarious list of one-liners that Roberts should use in making his potential foes look like damn fools. I don't want to ruin the whole thing, but here are some goodies:

1. Calm down Senator Kennedy. I know you disagree with my judicial philosophy but it's not as if I drove some woman off a bridge or something.

2. I'm really getting the 5th degree here, Senator Byrd. You'd think I was a former KKK member or something.

3. Mr. Lott, your questions don't seem well organized. Maybe you could segregate them a little better.

Now that's the kind of material that lands you on the writing staff of the Daily Show or Jack Paar or whoever the devil it is you kids watch.

3. The Senate is full of complete morons, but this guy really takes the award for dumbest comment of the year:

"Beware of those sneaky reporters and their mind-bending tricks. That's the warning officials are giving employees of New Mexico's Children, Youth and Families Department.

Agency spokesman Matt Dillman says 'unscrupulous reporters' will use a 'Jedi Mind Trick' to get information."

That speaks for itself. I wish I had a joke that can top the silliness of his remarks, but alas, the only thing more hilarious than this guy's comments is Paul Rudd's performance in Wet, Hot American Summer. Fuck you, dyke.

4. Here's a quick way to get yourself held in contempt of court:

"You're getting real close to contempt now," Owens warned.
"Well you all are getting real close to pissin' me off," the witness replied.

Read the whole thing...much like a stock thesis on Particle Physics from Droz's secret stash, it's a scorcher.

5. Finally, I'm just shaking my head at this one. Poor bastard.

Slack Song of the Afternoon: Ever since catching the John Butler Trio open for Big Red in Cincy in early May, I've been looking for a place to see him on the East Coast. He's good. So far, though, no dice. But here's the JBT playing Funky Tonight from the Blues & Roots Music Festival in Byron Bay, Australia on 3/27/05. Dirty wook.


At 6:07 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

Thanks Ace. I also think that if Rick Santorum asks him any question at all he should respond by saying:

"Are you hitting on me Senator?"

At 6:16 PM, Blogger ethan said...

maybe i'm missing something on that hair story. seems totally logical to me: coach sets rule A, player doesn't follow rule A, player doesn't see game time. it's not at all different from the "players wear a shirt and tie on game day" rule used by high school hoops teams around the nation. in fact, i credit the coaches for sticking to their guns on the matter.

plus, any rule that was enforced by john wooden is good by me.

At 8:54 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Shirt and tie is drastically different than a haircut in my book. To me, at least, someone's haircut is part of their character, it's part of them even when they're naked or little clothed.

At 9:24 AM, Blogger jakezebra said...

Everybody gets laid, good band name. Also, we need kegs. Multiple, cold domestic.

At 10:34 AM, Blogger ethan said...

i guess that's sort of the point ace - a team unifying thing. there's thousands of teams that do things like all shave their heads as a symbol of togetherness.

and again, it's fine that the kid didn't get the hair cut. to him it appears hair (somehow) was more important than playing basketball. remember, this was hair, not religion or (uninformed) political views or anything america holds so dearly. either way, the rule was out there prior to his decision, so it seems fair to me that he has to deal with the consequences.

i'm not really arguing for the particular rule either. just that it was clear what needed to be done in order so see the floor, and he chose not to do it.

At 11:37 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Ethan, you Nazi book-burning cow.

At 12:16 PM, Blogger ethan said...

oh, i experienced the 60's.

At 2:33 PM, Blogger DannyNoonan said...

"there's thousands of teams that do things like all shave their heads as a symbol of togetherness."

I shaved my head for team unity. Let me rephrase that. I chose to shave my head for team unity. There's a big difference between players choosing to do it themselves and a coach forcing them to. The kid isn't arguing before the supreme court, it's basketball for Chrisake. And the're in Junior High. You're supposed to be a long-hair in Junior High.

I agree with following team rules. But team rules, just like any other kind of rule, shouldn't be stupid and pointless.

At 3:00 PM, Blogger ethan said...

"But team rules, just like any other kind of rule, shouldn't be stupid and pointless."

that's a slippery slope though. many players "think" running suicides or doing defensive drills are stupid and pointless...

also, the coach didn't force the kid to cut his hair. the player had a choice, just like you did.

At 3:31 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I'm with The Caddy on this one, Ethan...

This isn't a slippery slope question, this is middle school basketball. He doesn't have to make a permanent change to his appearance with a shirt and tie, he only needs to conform to the rules on school time. Getting a haircut forces him to go home with his work, so to speak.

But also, the player wasn't forced to change, but he didn't have a genuine choice. His choice was to conform to an unfair rule or to not play at all, anywhere. It's not like he had the option to join the team down the street, this was his school.

I don't know, I think things like this are fucking silly. Cut your hair? What year is this, 1955?

At 3:58 PM, Blogger ethan said...

i disagree ace (as does george steinbrenner). i think it's just another example in our culture (expcially among a student culture) of someone simply declaring their "oppression" to get their way.

and i definitely is a slippery slope - i think it is any time in a position of authority you are asked to ignore a rule you established - and for coaches and teachers alike, once the rule is there it's tough to go back on it. for example, what if the team all wore t-shirts under their jerseys and one kid refused. is the coach undermining that kid's sense of originality by sitting him? is a t-shirt a big deal? no. but where can you draw the line?

plus, it's just hair. is getting a hair cut that friggin bad?

also, sorry to keep dragging this on, but i'm back to work now and slack/espn are my main distractors.

At 4:26 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I'm actually kinda busy, but reading your answers and rebutting them takes, what, two minutes? So I'm game.

Anyway, the Steinbrenner analogy doesn't hold up. For one, these players are being paid (by the Boss and by Mr. Burns, so Donnie Baseball had to shave his sideburns to get paid, beeyotch). And if free agents don't wish to but their hair or facial hair, they sign with other teams. This kid has no other options. he can't pick the middle school down the road, he either conforms to play or he doesn't play at all.

Allright, and I get the slippery slope thing, but I'm saying the rule doesn't make sense for everyone, not that the coach should rescind it for him only.

And yes, getting a haircut is that bad for some people. To some people, it's their identity (and I'm a shorthair, so it's not like I'm fighting from personal experience here). But it just doesn't make sense to me. It's not like this kid is a salesman or meets with clients, he's 13!

At 5:03 PM, Blogger ethan said...

if gettin a haircut is that bad for a 13 year old then he has more problems than not starting for his middle school.

but you bring up a great point - he's not out there as a salesman, etc. but one day he will be. and when his boss says cut your hair, will he be able to handle it or look back on his experience and think he can whine his way out of it. this isn't nam, donnie, there are rules. and these let-the-kid-have-it-his-way sentiments are exactly the type that extend to the "failing hurts my kid's self esteem so just give him an A" mentality so prevalent today.

if the rule sucks, change it next year. but don't fault the coaches for upholding a pre-established rule (especially one which the kid signed a form agreeing to).

also, i'd like to point out the wonderful libertarian ideals you exhibited:

"And if free agents (read: workers) don't wish to cut their hair or facial hair (read: don't like their wages), they sign with other teams (read: get new jobs)."

and there it is folks. ace putting the kabash on an increased minimum wage. when are you moving to new hampshire? (how do you spell out of context?)

also, great caddyshack ref. i had to turn a laugh into a cough so my officemate didn't think i was tickling myself.


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