Thursday, July 21, 2005

Headline of the Week

Severed Penis Victim Testifies In Ex-Girlfriend's Trial.

For more stories involving the male organ, the suddenly omnipresent Noonan informs us there's a great line in today's Washington Post article about the L.A. Times' new editor:

"New York Times editor Bill Keller said: 'Dean's a prince -- a world-class investigator, an inspiring editor and a barrel of fun.' But Keller said he hoped Baquet would start 'fighting fair' in luring staffers: 'He has this habit of telling recruits there's something in the New York water that makes your penis fall off.'"

Poland Spring to the rescue. Or, if you so choose, Moland Spring.


At 4:14 PM, Blogger dhodge said...

Whoa - I misread the headline and thought it said "Severed Penis Testifies In Ex-Girlfriend's Trial". That would be the headline (and trial) of the century. Great blog, BTW.

At 4:43 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

"Nunez, the prosecution's second witness, told the jury through a court translator that he was not awake when his penis was cut off."

wait a second, u mean to tell me that Rene Aramando Nunez doesnt know how to speak english????? thats shocking

At 4:50 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Thanks dhodge...much appreciated. I'd like to see a penis put his hand on the Bible and swear.

And yes, I just said "I'd like to see a penis." Is it Friday already?

Poophop, you're alive! And you're a horrible racist.

At 5:04 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

AP: A hit has been put out on Poophop by fellow Slack allstar Spanish Miguel

At 6:50 PM, Anonymous SpanishMiguel said...

Who be using my identity to post info on just who I may or may not "hit" and from what position (from the back, from the side...)?

Ridicurous. Especially on a day when when I've just had lasers shoot into my eyeballs and experienced tempororily blindness.

At 10:36 AM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

Am I supposed to testify with my penis?

At 10:36 AM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 10:45 AM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

I think I'm going to take off from work early today and "prep the witness for testimony."

At 11:00 AM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...

State your name and spell it for the record.

-Mr. Penis. P-E-N-I-S.

Mr. Penis, do you swear to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth and become engorged with blood upon arousal?

-I do.

Counselor, proceed.

-Mr. Penis, where were you on the night in question?

-I was in yo' Mama!


At 11:55 AM, Blogger jakezebra said...

:Guffaw: :Throat Clearing:

-Mr. Penis, what were your doing in my mama?

-Trying to spit.


At 12:10 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

I'd like to call an expert witness who's been in the business for a while:

At 12:12 PM, Blogger Don Fiedler said...


Judge: Order! Order in this court! This is nuts, I-

-No, your honor. THESE are nuts!

:Penis stands up, revealing enormous nuts:


Judge: Mr. Penis has a point...those ARE nuts!


At 2:25 PM, Anonymous John Howard said...

Hey Ace, I put up my movie quotes early this week at your request, so you better read it. Also, it looks like Shakespeare's Sister put hers up early this week as well.

At 2:42 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...


Judge: Order, I will have order no matter what size nuts those are.

Counselor: I think what we have here, Judge, is a distinct case of res ipsa loquitor. And if not that, it's gerrymandering.

Mr. Penis (mutters under breath): What a dick!

At 4:10 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Mr. Penis: I killed two gay men!



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