Tuesday, July 05, 2005

Rules of Engagement

Ladies and gentlemen, join me in a slow clap for Mr. Donald W. Fiedler and Ms. Irene Palazzo. As the Independence Day fireworks 'sploded over Manhattan's night sky, these fine-smelling, good-looking lawyerfolk entered into the binding agreement of engagement. They's a gonna be married!

To the future Mr. and Mrs. Fiedler, the community of folks here at Slack LaLane wish you nothing but a lifetime of happiness and health, love and devotion, carpools and mortgage payments, egg noodles and ketchup. Remember this feeling of puppy dogs and stardust for the remainder of your days; don't live the rest of your lives like schnooks.

Other news and notes from the long weekend:

1. I TiVo-ed the Live 8 concerts and watched the MTV coverage in its entirety this weekend. May I say, real quick: Death to this channel.

As I wrote about on Saturday morning, this is an actual quote from a Lohanesque heroin-chic VJ: "Children in Africa are dying all the time from malaria and TB. The crappy thing is, it doesn't have to be that way. The wicked awesome thing is, we can do something about it." Way to use the parlance of our times to be hip and current following the saddest clip abut poverty and hunger in Africa I've ever seen.

2. Awful hosts notwithstanding, MTV's greatest indescretion was cutting away from Pink Floyd's 24-year reunion. Sure they showed the band's first three songs uninterrupted, but what balls on these people to cut away from Comfortbaly Numb!

My two cents on the reunion: For a band that hadn't played together in more than two decades, I thought they sounded dead on. They actually played excessively well and jammed the hell out of Money. I couldn't have been more impressed by a group of guys that decided to re-unite just a few weeks ago. Give 'em a couple months to reconcile their differences, a couple months to rehearse and choose a working rotation of songs, schedule them a European then American tour in late 2005/early 2006, and it's gonna be magic. Magic.

3. Not to be a cynic, but I'm just not sure this concert is going to do much to save the world. It's been over for two days, and I'd bet everything I own that 1.48 million of the 1.5 million people around the globe who attended the 10 concerts have completely forgotten why they were there in the first place.

4. Takeru Kobayashi captured his fifth straight July Fourth hot-dog-eating contest title yesterday, wolfing down 49 weiners in 12 minutes, reminding me of my usual Friday nights in the gym lockerroom.

This guy is clearly a world-class athlete, but my biggest problem with Kobayashi (besides the fact that he works for Keyser Soze) is the sheer amount of senseless puns he arouses from the media. He "relished" the win, he's the "top dog," the runner-up couldn't "ketchup" to Kobayashi. The pun is an artform, and amateurs everywhere are taking advantage of this Japanese Chinaman to push their inept brand of wordsmithing on the masses. Stop it. Just stop it.

5. Don't look now, but the "struggling" Yank'ums are only four games back of first place at the mid-point of the season. And don't look now, but Jason Giambi is reddening with hotness as the season moves along. As we head into the All-Star break, Yanks fans everywhere have to be ecstatic about being so close to the top of the division standings (and about having Mr. Neckfat swinging a hot bat). Before you know it, we'll be back on top. That's all.

Slack Song of the Day: Over at the Live Music Blog, Justin put up a podcast this weekend of the first half of the Duo's Bonnaroo set with Cactus (ha, I absolutely adore that picture). And considering I love these bastards, I couldn't pass up on the opportunity to cram some more Duo down your collective throat like hot-dogs and Kobayashi.

So, click here for the podcast and click here for the setlist.


At 10:44 AM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

First of all, congrats to Donnie on the engagement. Please do not tell my girlfriend that you got engaged (in case you randomly happen upon her and guess who she is). After 5 years of being together, we are not yet engaged (but will be soon). Every time she finds out someone gets engaged, my life is hell for at least 3 straight days. Every week, for the last 7 weeks, someone we know has gotten engaged. This has not been a fun time. I do plan on buying a diamond, but I don't plan on putting it on her finger. I plan on shoving it straight up her ass so she never forgets the feeling of what it was like when we got engaged.

Secondly, I broke my remote control when MTV broke away (no pun intended) from Floyd. That channel should just go away. The AOL streaming video was okay, but the sound wasn't so good.

At 11:49 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

"I do plan on buying a diamond, but I don't plan on putting it on her finger. I plan on shoving it straight up her ass so she never forgets the feeling of what it was like when we got engaged."

Goddamn, that's funny.

At 1:26 PM, Blogger Wooglin said...

Donny called me last night after the fireworks to tell me the fantastic news.

The funny part for me is that as I was watching the fireworks from my girlfriend's rooftop I was keenly aware of how perfectly romantic the whole situation was. I even said to myself this is a perfect chance for some dude to pop the question to a girl. Yet as I stood there I made sure to avoid looking my girlfiend in the eye so that we didn't have to have that moment right then and I could go on watching shit explode.

Little did I know that Donny was on one knee down in Brooklyn. Well, its nice to know that in this mixed-up, topsy-tervy world two kids can still find each other. Congrats all around to Mr. and Mrs. Fiedler.

At 1:57 PM, Blogger jakezebra said...

"reddening with hotness"? As if one could redden with anything else, I am blushing with fondness at that joke. DOUBLE NICE.

At 2:54 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Triple word score, Zeebs.


Post a Comment

<< Home