Monday, July 18, 2005

Slackadeech Postagooch

Following a fun weekend dominated by another sweaty-patella Mulgrewian birthday, overly bastardized I-talian usage and multiple trips to Lawn Gisland for familial obligations, I'm about as tired as ESPN's act. Or, I should say, E-S-Paneech's act-a-gool.

Seriously, do I need to accompany Stu Scott and Chris Berman on a 50-states-in-50 days tour across America while Bryan Adams' "Open Road" song mocks me through the television? ESPN should apologize for Bryan Adams on several occasions, and then they should apologize for the two-month Self-Promoting Crapfest they're about to unleash on the American public.

And it didn't help that I was woken up at 5:55 am this morning for work-related nonsense. Next time this happens, I'm telling this chick, "I'm not a doctor, I'm not on call, leave me the fuck alone before I eat your fingers off and sew 'em to your boobs." I don't know what that would accomplish, but I'm dyn-o-mite with a needle and thread.

So now I'm exhausted from the weekend, exhausted from the morning, and it's going to be a busy day at la oficina. It's a good thing for this random guy's blog, whose latest In/Out-type list calls Slack "In" and Mulgrew "Out," otherwise I'd be in a pissy mood this morning. Classic. Eat that, Muldoon. That's what you get for having your birthday in the same patella-sweat-inducing sauna two years in a row.

Slack Quote of the Day: In between book-club books, I like to pick up old stuff I've read and re-read my favorite chapters or parts of the story (that's a fucking pathetic little sentence: I used "book" twice and "read" twice). Every once in a while I'll bounce back to everyone's favorite recluse, JD good as Catcher is, his other three books -- or collections of stories -- are that much better.

Despite his obvious fame, I think this guy is still the most underrated author in history. And they're all quick reads, so if you haven't already done so, run out and pick up Nine Stories, Franny and Zooey and Raise High the Roof Beam, Carpenters & Seymour: An Introduction. (Or you can read Raise High right here).

The best part about Salinger is that he's very contemporary. You think as a 1950s author he might be a little stuffy, a little erudite, a little old-fashioned. But when you read his stuff, you realize he's just a brilliant man with incredible wit and sarcasm, a man of poetry. He tells you a great story and he makes you laugh with him, makes you laugh at his characters.

As I said, I took a few train rides this weekend, and I broke out Raise High for yesterday's ride. It's 92 short pages and a quicker read than just about any story on the planet. Narrated by Buddy Glass, the second-oldest Glass child in Salinger's ongoing chronicles, the author tells the story of Seymour's non-wedding to Muriel, a hysterical account that will forever remind me of my recent trip to California.

Anyway, I re-read this line on the train and cackled so loudly I got some funny looks: "'Look,' she said, in the spuriously patient tone of voice that a teacher might take with a child who is not only retarded but whose nose is forever running unattractively."

I just love that Salinger. Love that Joker.

Slack Song of the Day: As seen previously on this here site, nobody gets me going quite like Brent Mydland. To me, this dirty wook drove the Dead's sound in the mid- to late-80s, and I truly believe if he hadn't died of a speedball overdose in 1990, he'd have eventually taken over as the star of band, the one the fans came to see night in and night out, reducing his clearly slowing friend Jerry to a Bill Walton on the 1986 Celtics kind of role.

I don't know about that last sentence -- I truly don't even believe it myself -- but I just love Brent's sound. Anyway, take a listen to this Man Smart, Woman Smarter from Alpine Valley on 8/7/82 and marvel at the beauty of those keys. Beautious.


At 10:56 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Oh yeah, and welcome to the Bronx, Al Leiter! Impressive performance.

At 11:00 AM, Blogger Don Fiedler said... de' face, Mulgrew!

Somebody call Billy Zane: "It's a BlogOff!"

At 12:26 PM, Blogger abby said...

Wait a minute here. First discretion is out, then he says it's in. I don't think we should trust this guy. Besides, his pink/aquamarine opinion is SO the other way around.

At 12:34 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Staaaaaand byyyyy yoooooour maaaaan...

You should listen to your friend Billy Zane...he's a cool dude.

At 1:03 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

That Hansel (Slack) is so hot right now.

At 1:25 PM, Blogger Gypsy Rose said...

Your Salinger quote reminds me of this gem from the original Bad News Bears... Tanner Boyle: "Look Lupus, if you wiped your nose once in a while, people wouldn't give you so much crud all the time."

While I cannot laugh at slow children, I have no problem mocking the nasally challenged.

At 1:30 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Slackadeech Postagooch - Beastie Boys reference?

At 2:02 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

There was a kid in my high school that looked exactly like Kelly Leek. He was a total Columbine Goth Kid before they became cool.

Matty, that's not a reference at all's just overly bastardized Italian for Slack Post.

At 2:15 PM, Blogger Matty Mac said...

Damn. On one Beastie's song, I forget which one, they start off by saying Slagedee Slagadoo, or something like that.


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