Friday, August 12, 2005

It Ain't The Aristocrats

It's a Summer Friday, and I feel like everyone I know is either off from work or away for the weekend. And I'm feeling particularly drained this morning, so I'm turning the ship over to the automatic pilot and posting a forwarded e-mail from Dad Cowboy.

Every once in a while, my father sends me a "cute" and "innocent" e-mail that makes me chuckle. Mostly, though, all I get from him are these evil jokes with the punchlines often about men killing their wives and going to play golf. Hey, it beats the nasty and dirty e-mails I get from my grandmother. Note to Nana: If an e-mail contains the words "vagina" and "handjob," don't forward it to your grandkids. Anyway, on with the story:

Here's a truly heartwarming story about the bond formed between a little 5-year-old girl and some construction workers that makes you believe that we CAN make a difference when we give a child the gift of our time...

A young family moved into a house, next door to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew turned up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family's 5-year-old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and spent much of each day observing the workers.

Eventually the construction crew, all of them gems-in-the-rough, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. They chatted with her, let her sit with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little jobs to do here and there to make her feel important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a pay envelope containing a couple of dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who said all the appropriate words of admiration and suggested that they take the two dollar "pay" to the bank the next day to start a savings account.

When they got to the bank, the teller was equally impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own pay at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, "I worked last week with the crew building the house next door to us."

"My goodness gracious," said the teller, "and will you be working on the house again this week, too?"

The little girl replied, "I will if those assholes at Home Depot ever deliver the fucking sheet rock..."

That's funny stuff. Doesn't beat that one Dad Cowboy joke about caddies I posted back in March, but it does the trick. 'Til later, enjoy this summer Friday. If you're working, that is. If you're off today...go fuck yourself.

Slack Song of the Day: I'm really enjoying Tea Leaf Green these days, and I think you should be too. I can't believe I hadn't even heard of these guys until recently...makes me feel like a no-good schlemiel.

For my NYC friends, these guys are coming to New York on September 10 to wreak havoc in the new Martyr's: the Knitting Factory. We're all going. Party at the Moontower, full kegs, everybody's gonna be there. You oughta go.

Regardless, take some time today, or over the weekend, and listen to this show I streamed off the Archive yesterday afternoon. Here's Tea Leaf Green at Dulcinea's 100th Monkey in Denver from June 24, 2005 (click here for the setlist).

Slack Video of the Day: From the Spring 2004 Hookahville in Ohio, Keller Williams came out halfway through ekoostik hookah's "Through Hiker" for a little vocal horn and some scatting. This is an incredible 12 minutes of footage, including a solid performance by the entire hookah band, especially geetarist Steve Sweney about two or three minutes in and towards the end. This is a must-watch performance on all accounts.

But shit, K-Dub is cool as hell. Thanks TJ and Yurple Bliss for the vid.


At 9:45 AM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

If it makes you feel any better, I'm at work, it's pooring rain, and my train's air conditioning was shot this morning so it was 110 degrees in there.

On the plus side, since it's raining, everyone thinks that all of this sweat is water.

Nice joke, by the way. That's a good use of profanity. Shocking for effect, not just to make 13 year old boys laugh.

At 10:27 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

I liked the joke...and mentally I'm only about 12.

Chicago heat, terrible. Winters suck, summers suck, but those two weeks of fall and two weeks of spring are lovely!

At 10:33 AM, Blogger Possum said...

Not knowing your style I hit next from my blog and checked out what I thought was going to be some syrup-coated cheese about the good of man. When I got to the end I spit coffee out of my nose laughing.

Thanks, I needed that!

At 11:16 AM, Anonymous Rich said...


Nice to hear you're diggin' TLG...right-on.


At 11:20 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Yeah, Rich, I've been listening to 'em for about a month now, and I'm damn impressed. Can't wait to see them when they come to New York.

And thanks Possum.

At 11:27 AM, Blogger ethan said...

i met a possum. my blood hurts.

At 1:16 PM, Blogger Jason Mulgrew said...

Got a joke for you.

A guy is fucking this girl, just going to town on her. You know, legs over her head, bed-shaking, ramming her like crazy.

After a good ten minutes, she finally speaks and exclaims, "The pain - the pain! It's just excruciating!"

The guy picks up the pace, looks her dead in the eye, and says, "'Excruciating'? That's a big word for a three year-old."

At 1:31 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Auto-biographical jokes are hilarious...

At 1:52 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

good stuff

ace, u'll be happy to know the phenomina that swept country is back in full effect (or is it affect?? never know when to use which). of course i would be speaking about pissing below the urinal, was up to my god damn knees for christ sakes

At 1:59 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

Despite my pleas, the office bathroom here still has urine everywhere. You'd think I didn't work in a new building that cost (literally) $2 billion to erect. Yeah, I just said "erect," what of it?

Floor Urine -- great band name.

At 2:27 PM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

The worst is Old Lambeau Field, where they used to piss in the sinks, but not before stopping up the drain with paper towels. The mystery of the plugged drain will follow me forever. Why plug the drain? Who does it first? In fact, who's the first guy to decide to piss in the sink?

He is a brave and disgusting soul.

By best theory is that having a pool of urine may lessen splashback compared to a shallow porcelain basin, but that's a lot of foresight for a bunch of drunk people from Green Bay.

At 2:27 PM, Blogger ethan said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

At 2:32 PM, Blogger ethan said...

poops - affect is the verb, effect is the noun. know that from years of science projects. yup, i'm a winner.

example: all the jack daniels he consumed did not adversely affect mulgrew's sexual prowess with that 3-year old.


ace's new non-spectacled look is having a great effect on his ability to have sex with hot chicks (over the internet).

At 4:09 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

ethan, what are these words u speak of, verb and noun, that doesnt help me one iota. thats right, i dropped that word to show u i am not a complete retard, only about 18.6%


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