Wednesday, August 24, 2005

Lance, Meet Raffy...Raffy, Lance

Well, it appears we have a little problem. Now you's can't leave:

"The director of the Tour de France said it was a 'proven scientific fact' that Lance Armstrong had a performance-boosting drug in his body during his 1999 Tour win, and that the seven-time champion owed fans an explanation.

In a story Wednesday, Jean-Marie Leblanc praised L'Equipe for an investigation that reported that six urine samples provided by Armstrong during the 1999 Tour tested positive for the red blood cell-booster EPO. The French sports daily on Tuesday accused Armstrong of using EPO during his first Tour win in 1999...

'The ball is now in his camp. Why, how, by whom? He owes explanations to us and to everyone who follows the tour,' Leblanc said. 'What L'Equipe revealed shows me that I was fooled. We were all fooled.'" [More]

At this point, I'm not going to take the questionable word of some Franch periodical and the Tour's director, even though I do firmly believe he took some performance-enhancing drugs at some point in his career. ESPN's Outside the Lines ran a program sometime last year that laid out an argument and interviewed enough teammates and doctors to make it impossible not to think that. I'm not sure about the last few Tours, but early on, I'm sure the guy doped it up like Robert Downey Jr. (did the statute of limitations on Downey jokes run out?).

Then again, doesn't every cyclist dope up in one form or another? Isn't that the "Tom Cruise is gay" of the international cycling world? Doesn't Sheryl Crow have to sign a confidentiality agreement in order to get $10 million to keep quiet about the charade?

Still, Lance is an incredible athlete and a true inspiration, a guy with one nut and a sexy mistress who deserves out admiration and respect. I don't care if this guy stuck nitrous boosters in his ass, it's not that easy to win seven straight Tours. I know, I've tried.

Slack Link of the Day: "Meeting briefly with reporters Monday aboard Air Force One, Trent Duffy, a White House spokesman subbing for Scott McClellan, said that President Bush believes that those who want the U.S. to begin to change course in Iraq do not want America to win the overall war on terror."

Is this guy the best comedian in Washington or the substitute press secretary? Not to get all Terrorist Jeff Foxworthy on you, but if you think the war was a mistake and advocate a new direction instead of this "stay the course" crap, you might be a terrorist.

Slack Song of the Day: It's been awhile since I've posted anything in this slot by String Cheese Incident, a band my parents love to bring up because of the wacky name. Every time I tell my folks I'm going to see a show, any show, my dad can't wait to blurt out, "Who you goin' to see, that fuckin' String Cheese Gefilte Fish?" Clever, very clever.

(Ir)regardless, they're a cool band that always puts on a solid live show, and here's my favorite song of theirs: Rollover, from Sunshine Daydream in Terra Alta, West Virginia on August 7, 2004. Enjoy.


At 10:52 AM, Blogger ethan said...

lance, krukkie, and tom green should start a band called The One Ball Wonders.

At 11:13 AM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

And Tom Selleck's character from Folks! "Hey, one-nut, you want a beer."

That was AGU's favorite movie line for like a decade, no?

At 11:15 AM, Blogger MDS said...

Why is this news coming out now? If he tested positive during the Tour, why wasn't he disqualified? What's the point of drug tests if we wait six years to learn the results and there are no consequences because the athlete is already retired?

At 11:50 AM, Blogger PaulNoonan said...

The EPO drug in question was undetectable until recently. When whatever drug testing facility figured out how to do it they retested old samples, which is why they waited 6 years. A few issues though:

If Lance was taking an undetectable performace enhancer, it should show up in other old samples too. Why would you stop taking it if it was repeatedly undetectable.

They also do not have his "A" sample at the facility. All athletes give two samples per test to lessen the chance of error. One of his tests from this alleged positive seems to be missing.

Also, Lance may have (I haven't heard this confirmed yet) had this prescribed during cancer treatments. I'm not sure if that makes him less guilty seeming (an excuse) or more so (he knew how to get it, and knew people who could tell him about it).

Cycling is really my brother's area of expertise so I'm going to go ask him.

At 11:59 AM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

Poophop what was that stuff you were takin when you rode Little 500 bike race?

At 12:28 PM, Anonymous K Wynn said...

It's the French!!!...why is anyone giving this the time-of-day?

They used B samples...from 6 years ago...pretty pathetic that they can't just let it go..move on...get over the fact they can't win their own race.

At 12:45 PM, Blogger Ace Cowboy said...

It's a big story because we make it a big story...we love to tear down our heroes, even if it means dredging up old samples from the last millenium. You wanna go after someone today? Make it Bob Huggins!

I mean, after that cameo in Dodgeball, Lance has Official Guiliani Status -- he can stab a pregnant woman in the belly with a rusty, diseased shiv and still be loved.

At 12:50 PM, Blogger poophopanonymous22 said...

i'll tell ya, i saw that footage of a drunken Higgins standing next to his car, while one police officer is making sure he doesnt fall over and vomit on an ant hole, thats some funny stuff right there

say what u want about the man, but at least he ran a clean program at cincy.

about as clean as my toilet after a night of blockheads

At 1:14 PM, Blogger Bart Starbux said...

This is the only part of the story I care about:

'The ball is now in his camp. Why, how, by whom? He owes explanations.'

Point of clarification, Mr. Chairman. Why is the ball in anyone's camp? What is one to do with a ball in camp? Who removed it from the court?

At 1:42 PM, Blogger MDS said...

So why isn't the tour revoking Armstrong's championship from the year in question? I still don't get why you bother testing if there's no repercussions.


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